If only I had listened to my first gut instinct and not gone out with this man. First of all, he was married and I worked with him. I know what you are all thinking - that in itself is a HUGE red flag. He pursued me with his charm, personality and charisma relentlessly. I worked in the same department as him. I saw him every day. We grew to be friends, then at one corporate offsite event, it went beyond that when he asked me for a drink after the event. That is where he kissed me and continued to pursue me. I fell in love with him. He left his wife for me. 3 1/2 years later I am so bitter, angry (with me and with him), sad, depressed, crying and more. He moved in with me a bit at the very beginning of our relationship and I had him slow down because I have 2 boys who live with me (in their teens now). It wasn't fair to them to have someone there 24/7. In any event, I managed to set some boundaries of days I saw him and when I didn't. On those days, he acted like he was home doing paperwork and all kinds of normal things. To this day, I don't know what he really was doing. I think towards the end of our relationship, he was going out to "get a bite to eat", when in reality, this was always at bars where he would meet women (supposition on my part, no concrete proof). EXCEPT - one night I found a receipt for a gentlemen's club, from a night I had asked to be with my boys because they needed me. He came to my side of town to go to it. Long story short, I confronted him and he admitted going....alone. Two weeks later, when I brought it up again, the story changed.... he said there was a woman at the bar where he was eating that night, who's boyfriend came in and punched her in the face. She went to her car, (my bf at the time followed her...supposedly to come to her rescue). Her bf took her keys and left her stranded. She asked my ex-bf for a ride to the strip club because her friend worked there and would give her a ride. Sooooo....low and behold, he went with HER to the strip club, paid her entrance fee and bought her a drink. Supposedly, her friend wasn't there and he left. Yeah right! ... I didn't break up with him, but cried, felt anguish, yadda yadda. I debated the entire summer (last year) whether or not to stay with him. I did, and things got worse (without my knowledge). He went on dating websites and created profiles to meet women. I don't know how far he took it, but I can only imagine. On Valentine's Day, he was "too sick" to see me this year. I found a receipt for a dinner well over what 1 person would eat. Then...he asked for space in April of this year (right before my birthday). For a week, we didn't communicate. We used to talk every day, several times a day and see each other all the time. I lost 10 lbs in one week. I was a wreck. He called me and we got back together with a new "set of expectations" for our relationship for putting it on track. Mind you, this is all during a time (since last June) when I went out on disability for a nerve disorder. My financial, health and emotional state were in a constant state of stress for me. He then went and TOOK my job after asking for it when I went on Long Term Disability. He is now in my job. Then....all the signs were there that he was cheating - his phone missing from my house when he came over (he kept it in the car), lack of texts, secretiveness, etc. My gut told me something was up. The more I felt it, the more I knew I needed to break up with him, despite the fact that I was going through so much and needed "him". I broke up with him on 7/4. I told him I didn't sign up for this. I said, either you've been talking to someone else and are emotionally involved with someone, or are physically involved, or you've fallen out of love with me - and I can't fix it by myself. He cried and wouldn't look at me - said nothing except "You're such a good person.". I said, "When I hear you say that, I hear you saying, I'm such a good person, but not a good person for you." Again - he said nothing. He let me tell him I love him and just walk out. Never tried to explain or say anything. He texted me and called once to follow up on my medical appointments, but it hurt so much. He was abrupt and just wanted the facts. He texted me once two months after we broke up also. Well....what is the bottom line you ask? I just found out yesterday, from another man who I work with (who came by to pick up my computer and I'm good friends with), that he had asked my ex-bf at the time to go out to a 30-40's Meetup Singles group (without knowing we were dating for 3 1/2 yrs - no one at work knew). He met his next gf there THAT night. She lives nearby where I live and he's now with her. I was right that he cheated. The thing that hurt the most is that he didn't acknowledge anything I said, tried to act like Mr "caring" about my medical stuff, and then just rode off into the sunset with someone new without a backwards glance. It hurt to "assume" I was right about him cheating, without really knowing. Now that I KNOW, I've cried the past two nights. I wish I had dumped his sorry a-s back last year in April with the whole strip club incident. He cheats on everyone he's ever been with. He lies and fills his own needs. I hope I got even and humiliated in some way today. They say with a narcissist, the best way to get back at them is to humiliate them. I gave my friend from work my ex-bf's shirt he had left here. I told him, "leave this on his chair at work", this way he will know his cover and relationship were blown. He would be mortified for this man to know that he works with and who took him out when he met that girl. My friend from work was very upset to hear the news of what my ex-bf had done and said he was going to put the shirt on his chair and say, "You owe that girl some explanations" and just walk away. I'm not sure what happened, but I feel anger, sadness and like I want to wring his f'ing neck. It doesn't help yet "to know" I was right. I'm just so angry I got involved with someone who was married and so insincere. I'm mad at myself at the moment for my mistakes in this too... but, hurt by how he allowed me to leave and get no closure after I helped him through his divorce, raising his kids and everything else. I despise him...
Copyright © 2012 Cheating Infidelity Narcissism. All Rights Reserved.
|
Who's OnlineWe have 229 guests and members onlineLoginFollow on FacebookLatest Comments
Most Commented
|