Emotions Related to Cheating and Betrayal

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Emotions Related to Cheating and Betrayal

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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world. If you wish to read more about me, please visit page Site Overview.

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You have experienced all sorts of emotions during your lifetime. Emotions are body's responses to certain situations. With emotions your physiology is trying to push you to a certain direction in your life, to a direction which evolution has found to be a good one in order to enhance the survival chances of our species. If this was not the case, evolution would have gotten rid of the emotions long ago. Every human being has emotions, they must therefore have been very useful and beneficial for the survival of the species. Those individuals who have good traits in terms of the survival are able to keep their genetic line going more effectively than the individuals without those traits, so eventually the “good” traits become common and the “bad” traits become very sparse and eventually will disappear completely from the population. So far emotions have not disappeared from the population, so obviously they are crucial for the survival.

Control your emotions instead of letting your emotions control you

All the emotions you experience are very natural. This knowledge can be very liberating. You should think of the pain you are feeling due to a negative relationship (or due to any painful event in life) being the same as the pain caused by a physical wound. It will ache for some time, but eventually the pain will go away. Do not let the pain confuse you or blind you. Lift yourself above the pain, observe the situation as an outsider. Observe how the pain feels in your stomach, in your head, in your whole body and think that this feeling is as natural as a snake bite. You could not stop the pain caused by a snake bite no matter how hard you try. You should not try to do that to the pain triggered by the mental factors either. It will only lead to the frustration and more pain. Take the pain as something you just have to go through, and wait patiently until it passes. Visit page Recovery after Cheating to read about the methods one can use to speed up the recovery process after mental tragedies in life.

Pain caused by a bad relationship

You have a problem in your relationship and it is causing you mental pain. Your situation is not unique. The pain you are feeling has been felt by others billions of times throughout the course of the history. You are not alone with your bad feeling and your feeling will pass, giving in to the sunshine at some point. Do not give in and return to a bad relationship just because it would temporarily reduce the pain. Be patient and wait, the pain will definitely go away at some point. Meanwhile you can do what people do when they are sick and are waiting for the annoying weakness to pass: You can read, watch movies, go for walks (this is what sick people of course cannot do, so you are luckier in this situation), do sports, meet friends. Anything that takes your thoughts away from the pain. Then just wait for the pain to go away.

You may think that is a pretty silly advise. But when you think about it for a moment, you realize that it is the best advise there is. When you realize that it actually is true, you will most likely feel relief because now you know exactly what you need to do: You simply need to live your life and not to think about the pain so much unless you absolutely have to, because no matter what you do, the pain will go away on its own, at its own pace.

It is just as simple as it sounds. You can decide what you think, you can shut away the unwanted thoughts. Shut the pain away for a while, give your mind time to heal on its own. Later you can think about the matter which caused you the pain if you want to, and you will see that the pain is not nearly as severe as you thought it would be. Time has done its job. But for now, do not allow yourself to be buried by the thoughts related to the matter that is causing you the pain. Close those thoughts outside. For the moment, they do not exist in your world.

You have the power to decide what kind of an attitude you take in a painful situation. You can suffer and dwell in a heartache and try to fight it, but if you do that the same thing happens to you as happens to an animal that is trying to escape the trap: It will only hurt more and it takes longer time to heal. Or you can suffer and dwell in a heartache AND observe your situation scientifically, as an outsider, in which case you are actually lifting yourself above your pain and it will pass sooner, leaving no permanent scars.

The former is very true when it comes to emotional wounds. You can choose how your life will go, so choose not to be hurt more than you absolutely have to. If your relationship will end due to cheating or due to a narcissistic personality of your spouse, do not let your life get destroyed by the feelings of bitterness and anger. If you do that, your spouse has not only destroyed your relationship, but he or she has also destroyed your future. Do not let that happen. You are stronger than you think, you can break free! If you wish to read more about this topic, visit page Recovery after Cheating.

- Maria

If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, send me email to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Comments (1)

|2010-10-13 12:57:34 Cathy Weaver - postmordem betrayal

My husband and I were married for 32 years. During that time I had 3 children. All of us were emotionaly abused to the point that we were somewhat frozen. I lost one son to alcoholism and have two other children who are fighting alcohol, depression, anxiety etc. My husband death from cancer was traumatic. I knew very little about the finances and wasn't allowed to go into his office at our home. After a beautiful eulogy I discovered notes, cards, emails adding up to close to 20 years of betrayal. I spent most of my life trying to obtain love from a man who didn't really love me. I also spent many years trying to protect my children from the emotional and physical abuse that presented itself if I ever left my husband alone with them. What I am questioning now is why I chose such a person to love and why I chose to stay. My children and I will be in counseling and on medication for the rest of our lives.
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