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___________ The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world. ___________ A narcissist feels happiness only when a narcissist feels something good happened to a narcissist. For example, when someone praises a narcissist, shows admiration and respect to a narcissist or is otherwise making a narcissist feel important and powerful, a narcissist is feeling happy. A narcissist wants and needs this feeling of acceptance and admiration more than anything. Anyone who can offer this feeling to a narcissist will be treated well by a narcissist. The only exception is the spouse of a narcissist. The spouse of a narcissist receives the special treatment only for a certain period of time, but after that the role of the spouse changes. This happens due to the fact that a narcissist gets bored very easily. This does not usually happen with friends of a narcissist, since a narcissist is not spending with friends enough time to get bored with them. That is why every time a narcissist meets friends, a narcissist is usually very friendly and polite towards them, because it is very important for a narcissist to give a good impression.
This is the reason why the friends of a narcissist often simply cannot believe that a narcissist can be such a monster towards his or her spouse. Friends of a narcissist tend to believe when a narcissist is complaining that all the problems in a relationship are caused by the spouse and not by a narcissist. Only if the friends of a narcissist have a chance to observe a narcissist from close distance for longer period of time, they start to see the true nature of a narcissist. It can be some impatient words, cold and uncaring behavior in unexpected situations, small things like that. But often there is not enough time to spend together with friends and so usually no one else except the spouse of a narcissist will have a chance to observe and notice the warning signs of narcissism and mental abuse. It is good to read the stories of others who have been in similar situation. If you wish to read about the methods I used to teach my mind and my brain to get rid of my "addiction" to my narcissistic spouse, visit page Recovery After Narcissism and Cheating. If you wish to read more about my relationship with a narcissist and how I was able to break free, please visit the discussion forum and read this thread: How I was able to end the relationship with my narcissistic spouse. A narcissist feels happiness in the right situations but for the wrong reasons A narcissist can feel happy when a narcissist has been helping someone. The source of this happiness is not the fact that the person who received help feels happy, but the fact that Narcissist was able to appear as someone with a good heart, someone who is caring, divine etc when Narcissist was helping someone else. A narcissist is loving the feeling a narcissist gets when a narcissist thinks he or she has been helping someone and that this person and also other people are aware that a narcissist has been doing "good deeds". So, again it all boils down to Narcissist, not to the person who received help. This is natural behavior for a narcissist, who cannot genuinely care about anyone but himself or herself.
The children of a narcissist are a continuum of a narcissist. If the children of a narcissist are successful in their lives, a narcissist can be proud of them, because they are the children of Narcissist, and that explains why they are doing so well in life. I have known a narcissistic man, who always spoke about his children to other people by advertising how well the children have been educated, how successful the children have been, which universities the children went to, how great and intelligent the children are, and how well the children are going to do as they grow older. It sounded like an advertisement rather than a loving father talking about his children. But the fact is that at that moment when Narcissist was praising his children, Narcissist felt the closest thing to happiness that is possible for a narcissist. I also noticed that Narcissist had a "favorite" child who Narcissist praised more than the other child. Narcissist occasionally said to his closest friends how the child who Narcissist did not praise so much was a bit "weird" and "strange", almost autistic etc. I had an opportunity to meet this child of Narcissist at one point, and the child turned out to be very nice, normal and relaxed person. I found it somehow very strange that Narcissist would say such things of his own child. As if Narcissist was putting people into categories in his mind, based on how "valuable" and educated they were, regardless of who these people were, even if they were the children of Narcissist. I found this to be quite sad.
Knowing how the mind of a narcissist works helps you to manipulate a narcissist  Feeling good about oneself, that is what happiness is all about for a narcissist. If a narcissist feels something is lifting the personal value of a narcissist in the eyes of the others, whatever that thing is it is making a narcissist feel happy. It can be helping someone less fortunate, bragging about the achievements of a narcissist or achievements of someone, who a narcissist is related to in such a way that a narcissist has actually contributed to those achievements (like children of a narcissist, or colleagues of a narcissist, of even friends of a narcissist). If one realizes this, it is actually quite easy to manipulate a narcissist, since narcissists are so shallow and superficial that they usually fail to see if someone is praising them for real or is only putting up an act to fool a narcissist in order to achieve some personal benefit. Vanity makes person very vulnerable, and the vanity of a narcissist is greater than that of anyone else. If you keep this in mind, you can pull the strings and control a narcissist, at list to certain extent.
In case you want to read about the methods I used to teach my mind and my brain to let go of "addiction" to my narcissistic spouse, please visit page Recovery After Cheating and Narcissism. There you can download book "Control Your Emotions", which describes ways to teach the brain and the mind to get over tragic events in life such as cheating and betrayal. Same methods can be used to get over mentally abusive relationship with a narcissistic spouse. If you can control your emotions, it will be so much easier to decide what you want to do with your relationship with a narcissist. To read more about narcissism and how the mind of a narcissist works, go to section Narcissism. To read personal stories of life with a narcissistic spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse. To read about cheating and how the mind of a cheater works, go to section Cheating and Infidelity. To read personal stories of life with cheating spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Cheating and Infidelity. You can write to me and tell about your experiences by going to page Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse, Information. If you wish to read more about me and my background, please go to page Site Overview. From Site Overview you can read short description of the contents of this site. If you are in a relationship with a narcissistic mental abuser, I believe you will find useful information from this site that will help you to heal. Go to other sections by clicking Main Menu links (left bar). - Maria You can contact me by clicking
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I left my narcissist boyfriend after 8 on and off again years 7months ago tommorow,why Im so glad I came across this is I had a dream just last nigh that I found a bunch of other womens belongings and pic and other things in his old dresser he used to have in real life and it bothered me because I woke up as soon as I was gona confront him.So anyhooo I needed some kind of closure because I never got the full truth out of him I know there are plenty of more lies he is keeping to himself.So finding this site helped me realized Iam not the crazy one and He needs help..What I decided "leaving"was a good decision.I dont feel bad for it now and it helpsknowing Im not the only one in this world going through this..