|
___________
The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.
___________
In this blog I am writing about the brain, the mind, emotions, cheating, narcissism and in general about the Life. I am posting new entries often, please feel free to bookmark this page and return to read the positive thought of the day. My aim is to help you to get over the pain due to negative emotions related to cheating, narcissism or related problems in your relationship. I am writing to this blog and to this website things which would have helped me during my recovery after I found out about cheating and during my difficult relationship with a narcissistic partner.
I started this blog to give you hope and energy to carry on. You are not alone. I have traveled down the same path of pain and I promise you there will be light on the other side. Let us do this journey together. Please feel free to write to me and give your feedback about my blog and this website. If you wish, you can read more about me and my background from page Site Overview. If you have any questions or some topics you wish me to write about, please send me email. I would be happy to hear from you!
You can contribute to the development of this website by writing about your own feelings and experiences. You can write on a general level or you can tell your own story. I will publish your text on my website and if you wish, I will give you support and feedback to your situation. By telling your own story you are helping yourself and also helping others who are in similar situation. There are millions of people in this world who are experiencing what you are experiencing at this moment. Let us not suffer alone, let us help each other. I am looking forward to hear from you!
- Maria
Click here to continue to Blog
If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, send me email to
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
_____________
|
The begining of our relationship was great. I never felt happier. He was so fun, it was always a great time, he was sooo attractive, had two professional degrees, a professional job, had lots of friends. I thought he was a catch and I was even more hooked to think this great of a guy wants me??! I am a very naive person and think the best in people. Our relationship was long distance, an hour and a half apart. He worked with my best friend so I felt better that someone knew this complete stranger that came in to my life. He of all things is a professional in the mental health field, amazing! He had just came out of another relationship to a girl he was engaged to, after 2 1/2 months. Red flag? I didn't know the details of their relationship, only that she was crazy. That's what they all are, right? I thought he had been out of his relationship with her for a couple of months and he was ready to "move on". There were some extreme red flags that I should have picked up on and not allowed the way he treated me in the begining of the relationship but I didn't want to rock the boat. He never drove to visit me, he didn't have a problem with me picking up the tab when we went out, and he wouldn't publicly acknowledge he was in a relationship with me on social networks, ever. I looked over these things justifying where he lived had more fun things to do, I made more money than he, and he didn't want to play out his relationship on a social network. He was charming and loved to have a good time. I met his friends, we vacationed together (out of the country on my dime), met his family. I thought that I was becoming a real part of his life. I would give him gifts almost everytime I saw him, nothing extraordinary most times, just small things that I knew he really liked. Sometimes I would get a thank you but later as the relationship went on, they didn't even seem to phase him. No thank you, no reaction, no appreciation. I moved to the city where he lived because I did find a better job. I didn't move because of him, however, had it not been for him I may not have explored the option. I loved my job before but I guess it wasn't good enough for him so I was conformed to believe it wasn't good enough for me. If I could have my old job where I live now, it would be perfect.
Before I moved, I knew that he wouldn't be here for very much longer. He was taking a position in his home state and near his hometown. It was a much better job and there was no argument, the best career choice he could have made. I supported him with all I had. I worked so hard to make sure he would be certified and meet deadlines and did all of the leg work so he could make this a realtiy. He did thank me for it. He lived with me for two months while we were in the same place before he moved. It was great! It was the most love that I think he had ever shown me. We would eat dinner, he would bring me flowers home, we would go out and enjoy life. All the while, I was mostly paying for all of our entertainment, dinners and household expenses. It was helping his wallet to stay with me all the while he could make me feel like he was an equal part of the relathionship by showing me attention, charm and affection. Before he left I had him a going away party for all of his friends to say good bye to him. We spent time together in the last few days and talked in 6 months we would reevaluate our relationship and see where we could meet in the middle and we would move together. I felt like we had a plan and he was serious. I still was not his girlfriend on social media, he was still listed as single. He wasn't ever angry to me or violent. He would say very degrading things to me but it was always in a manner that could be turned into a joke. He called me calories, I weighed 100 pounds. We were out socially once and girls came over and he told them I was his friends sister not his girlfriend. He would lie to his friends that he had something else to do instead of just say, no I don't think I am going to go out tonight. Things I let go and never raised an argument.
He moved and the first few weeks felt like hell but he seemed to still be in this. He hadn't met anyone yet to give him attention. After he began his new job and things started to get busy for him and the attention began to come, the communication became less and less. I would receive less text messages, he would call for a six minute phone call on his way home and he would call to say good night for one or two minutes before bed. He was living with his parents, so I thought I had nothing to worry about. He probably didn't want to sit on the phone all night there and I wasn't a phone talker either so that is fine. There were some text exchanges in the meantime during the night. The weekends became very strange. We agreed to see each other every two to three weeks and we would take turns going from one place to the other, it was a three hour drive one way. Not terrible, but distance. He actually held up this end of the deal. He and I equally split the drive, so I thought he is actaully in this with me, not like before when our relationship first began. The weekends that I wouldn't see him, I would rarely hear from him by actual phone conversation. He would text but would rarely call. If he went out to do an errand then he would call for a check in for ten minutes or so. The calls became less frequent and he would soon not call me until he was almost home so he would have to talk less. The conversations were mostly a recap of his day with a quick how was your day at the end when he was almost home and would have to go. When I went to see him for the first time, I met some of his friends that did not have a clue who I was. When we met they asked, are you all just talking or dating? I said, yeah we are dating we have been for 8 months now. They had no clue about me, major red flag. I went for another visit a couple weeks later to a sporting event that he was an assistant coach. When the game was over we left immediately. Later that night his mom asked, "did you get to meet his co workers and coaches?" No, I didn't, he rushed me out of there. When we were together it was like nothing had ever changed. We were happy. We never had a single argument in our entire relationship, not one conflict of any kind. I let everything pass that would bother me because I knew that he wouldn't exert the energy and he would leave. Out of the blue, he calls me on a Friday night on his way home from a sporting event, and tells me he can't stop thinking about me during the day, but he has so much guilt for the way he has treated me and he knows it isn't right and he has issues with himself that he can't exert any more energy into a relationship after a year. He said, it was his pattern in all of his relationships and he wants to go to therapy to figure out what is wrong with him for us. I told him, he only exerts 6 minutes a day into a phone call, he couldn't even do that anymore? He said he didn't know and he was trying to figure it out in order to save us because he knew he would never have anyone treat him as well as I had. The next day came and I didn't hear from him, only through text. Sunday came, still no phone call only sparadic texts. Sunday night he finally gets the courage to call and tell me that he has to end the relationship. I was a mess. I didn't eat for 3 days. He kept telling me I was not gone out of his life forever and I thought that was the awesome. It took me a few days to find out that he had manipulated his social media so no one could see any pictures of me but I still thought they were out there. He had been inappropriately flirtatios with people via message. I should have known this he was in front of my face. Three weeks pass and he now has an official public girlfriend. Devastated. I knew all along that people with no emotions usually have someone in the wings. She is a beautiful girl that has a very high status career. I became the joke between them. This had began longer than three weeks ago. A lady he works with had set them up and she knew he had a girlfriend. She decided she wanted to pursue a relationship with him all for herself and so he dropped me for the next best thing as soon as it was available to him. Devastated beyone belief. I know that I am better off in my head. It is the lies, cheating and emotional turmoil that has left me in a depression that I never understood how people could feel this way. I did the number one wrong thing and tried to contact this girl to give her a very nice warning to not have unprotected sex with him. It didn't phase her, she quickly blocked me from any contact and I became a bigger joke. I clearly explained that I wasn't trying to intervene on her relationship but please protect herself before it was too late for her too. It is unbelievable how these people can hurt you even when you know it is for the best in your head.
I am not sure if I am in denial that he has NPD or if he is just a bad guy. He does need constant praise and he works extreme amounts at anything he does so he can be very good at it. He thinks he is the best thing women can ever look at or have, he would look at himself in the mirror ALL the time and love it. He has a fantastic body and couldn't handle it if others around him looked as good as him or were "bigger." He had to have the best in everything; clothes, car, etc. However, his house was not the best. He liked to and seemed to find a following of people that would always help him anywhere he would be. A girl at work he would befriend to make his job easier, his mom at home or me later. I felt like I was constantly having to give to him to be able to keep him, not even with appreciation or thanks just to keep him. He has trouble keeping relationships with anyone that isn't a need to him. His financial history was a wreck. He shouldn't be obligated to pay that bill, right??? I think I am trying to find closure in this relationship and accept if he does have NPD or if it is me exaggerating red flags to make myself feel better that he left me.