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___________ The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world. ___________ This blog is dealing with narcissism, cheating, brain and mind. Blog is updated on daily basis. For introduction of blog, click here. To go to blog main page, click here. There is a saying "what does not kill you, makes you stronger". There may be some truth in it, but if I would have known before I started my relationship with narcissist what future will hold, I would never have entered the relationship. I would have ran to opposite direction as fast as I could. Unfortunately time is merciless. None of us can go back in a machine. For that reason, the worst thing I could do in this situation is to let my past turn me into bitter, unhappy person for years to come.
I have accepted the fact that I made a wrong judgment and stayed in bad relationship longer than I should have. The most difficult part was to forgive myself. It is easy to say "I forgive myself", but to really be able to do it is very hard. In my case, my relationship with narcissist affected my work and my whole life very negatively. I was so stressed out and depressed due to mental abuse, lack of trust in my relationship and all other problems with narcissist that I could not concentrate on my work at all. I was letting my life pass by. All this was happening so slowly, that I was not even aware of it. Ending relationship  Now afterward I feel as if I woke up from bad dream when my relationship ended. I feel I have been walking in dark mist for several years. Every morning when I woke up I felt anxious and my stomach was aching when I was thinking about my relationship. And yet I was not able to bring myself to end relationship. This is almost impossible to understand for those who have never experienced a relationship with a narcissist. They have no idea how addicting that kind of relationship can be, especially when everything is so rosy and perfect at the beginning of relationship. That is when the mental hooks are buried deep into your brain and mind.
At some point I realized that this is how my life is going to be until the end, if I stayed with narcissist. That was when I started to think about the things I have been writing about in this website. I started to look for information of mental addiction and mind control. It was fascinating to think that I might be able to free myself from that mental turmoil. I knew that we humans are able to influence the way our mind works much more than we think. There are several scientific studies that demonstrate this fact pretty well. I wanted to see if I could free myself from the mental hook narcissist had embedded into my brain. Learning mind control It took time, but eventually I was able to change the way I saw my narcissistic spouse. I no longer saw him as something that I would WANT to have in my life, on the contrary I saw him as something that had very negative influence on me, a malignant tumor that I wanted to cut out of my life. Everything became so much easier after this point. I realized that I had myself created my own mental "trap" that kept me attached to narcissist and prevented me from getting out of relationship. Everything was in my mind, nothing was "real".  I had created my own dream image of narcissist and of my relationship with him and slowly that image had become my prison. The moment I realized that this image was not real, that it was a product of my own brain, I was able to break it. And when that image broke, I was able to see my situation as it was: I was in a relationship that was making me physically and mentally sick and was slowly destroying my life. That was the moment when I did what I should have done so many years ago: I RAN. I ran as fast as I could, as far away as I could from narcissist.
I remember the first morning when I woke up after making decision to leave and never look back. I felt such RELIEF. No anxiety, no grief, no longing... only peace. I knew that if I did not want to, I would never have to see narcissist again in my life. I felt I was in control of my life, first time for years. Of course I later on occasionally missed times together with narcissist. But whenever I would have a sentimental memory of him, I would immediately call up another memory of him being cruel and uncaring towards me. That quickly turned my longing to relief, when I knew I would never have to see him again. I can now say that I have recovered from my relationship to narcissist. I have been able to mold my thinking in such way that I now see my former narcissistic spouse as he really is: A sad, lonely human being, who is missing big part of life since he is not able to experience true love and caring emotions. Narcissist can only experience twisted, abusive, controlling "love". I will get back to you soon, take care! If you are in difficult situation in your relationship, please feel free to familiarize yourself with the content of this website. I wish you find it to be helpful for you. If you wish to read more about me and my background, please go to page Site Overview. From Site Overview you can read short description of contents of this site and you find out how to contact me. If you are interested in topics related to cheating, narcissism, mind and brain, please feel free to return to read my blog. Blog is being updated on daily basis. In case you want to read about methods I used to teach my mind to let go of "addiction" to my narcissistic spouse, please visit pages Control Your Emotions and Recovery After Cheating. If you are in relationship with a narcissistic mental abuser, I believe you will find useful information from this site that will help you to heal. You can also go to other sections of this site by clicking Main Menu links (left bar). - Maria You can contact me by clicking
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I was in a nine year relationship with a narcissist who was in therapy for seven years of our lives together. I kept hoping that things would get better and that he would love me. foolish thought. Nothing changed, I just accepted any crumb and was happy in a friendship based relationship with no intimacy.
I feel awful. I am only 3 weeks out of the relationship. He just left. Said he didn't feel it anymore. My friends saw his profile on match.com 3 days after he left!!!
Rachel