http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/ Sun, 05 Sep 2010 16:50:22 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.3 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc719 Thanks for publishing my story. I feel like emailing my ex with the link (but I won\'t)! Whenever she was angry with me, it wasn\'t expressed as genuine anger; it was as if I needed to be \"punished\" for doing something that she did not appreciate, instead of being discussed and settled like adults. Instead, I would get the silent treatment, or some sort of verbal cheap shot that could cut right to the bone. Then she would humiliate me further by telling me to \"suck it up\" when I acted hurt by the trauma symptoms that she induced. Alan T Sat, 13 Mar 2010 23:11:37 +0100 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc721 Alan, It is almost is if we have lived the same life. I adored my girlfriend, thought we had a bond. Then discovered she had stole $10k from me - was cheating on business trips. I treated her like a queen. Flowers everytime I was down. Trips to Europe. Expensive gifts. I felt like an idiot when I found out. Went into deep depression. Maria is right it is not about you. And you just walked into the wrong storm at the wrong time. I understand I missed my abusive girlfriend for quite sometime until I finally started to focus on me and restablishing my boundaries and values. You are better off Buddy - Stay strong. Stay real. Spartens25 Sun, 14 Mar 2010 04:30:40 +0100 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc722 Thanks so much Spartens. I hope time will tell me I made the right descision. Take care, you deserve better. Alan T Sun, 14 Mar 2010 04:47:41 +0100 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc735 Hi Alan thanks for relating your experiences to everyone. What a nightmare! Putting the Disorder to one side for a moment it seems to me that your ex-girlfriend is an alcoholic. That is bad enough in itself. Even with a close friend who is an alcoholic you just have to ignore them until they reach rock bottom and decide to sort themselves out. The stop talking routine and the constant streams of abuse are something I\'ve experienced with my disordered ex-girlfriend often. Maria\'s comments are all spot on. It\'s hard to take I know but you and the ex-girlfriend are much better off apart. Good luck stay resolved You\'ll get through! clangley127 Mon, 15 Mar 2010 23:16:58 +0100 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc736 Your kind words mean the world to me clangley. Thank you so much. It has not even been a month since we have broken up so the grief I am dealing with is profound, as badly as I was treated by her. A loss is a loss, and I loved N***** very deeply. The betrayal trauma that she put me through was devastating. There appears to be a strong link between alcohol abuse and narcissism which is not documented too much on this site. Even if she had stopped drinking, the underlying personality disorder is still there, and she will never seek help for either, because she is so deep in denial, she absolutely believes that she is not the problem. This stuff I know my rational mind believes to be true, but the emotional part of me is still very much hooked, and is excruciating. I guess only time will help get me through this - I have no plans on contacting her at all. Thanks again, take care. Alan T Thu, 25 Mar 2010 20:23:45 +0100 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc737 Alan, A follow up to my last message. I understand. To know that the intimate space that you thought you had was actually an illusion is devastating. I thought what we had was a private experience. To find out it was actually nothing but a convenience was devastating, and humiliating. I really do feel your pain at being let down after making your self so vulnerable. Realize it was the illusion you were attached to - that was the case with me. I created a false reality of what I thought our relationship was. Now you need to fill the void. Exercise away your pain. New hobbies, new sports. I have become an exercise junkie after my break up and it is the best thing I have done. Make a concious effort to do something for you everyday. You can make it!!! Spartens25 Tue, 16 Mar 2010 05:48:59 +0100 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc795 I too have been through the same issue. To make a long story short. I cut it off a year ago but was a fool when she tried to use friendship as a way to stay in contact. All it did was flare up old feelings and once again the traditional dissapear. Just because I would not let her discuss an issue with my parent. ( Who told me to stay away) I was always at fault. And at one point really questioned why I was even put on this earth. I was walking on egg shells the entire relationship. Now...it feels like a burden has been lifted. NO MORE B/S...still have bad times when I think about her..but ask myself, do you want her back? That question alone seems to get me back on track to meet someone else. Michael A Tue, 30 Mar 2010 15:02:49 +0100 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc797 Hi Michael, It\'s confusing for me whether I want her back or not. Narcs don\'t like their bad behavior to be discovered (since they choose to abuse their partners under the radar), and I\'ve told all my family and friends the extent of her abuse. This fact alone probably makes it impossible for me to get back with her. She also wanted a "break" which is Narc-speak for "I\'m the one in control here and I will be the one to decide whether this relationship is working or not." With that, she may have already wanted out to look for another victim after finishing with me. As well, I am incredibly angry towards my ex who has shown no accountability or attempted to apologize for her behavior. This I can\'t forgive her for. It would take a miracle for her to show up on my doorstep, apologize for what she did (she NEVER will), and seek help for her alcoholism and anger. Would getting back with her quench my loneliness for a while? I\'m not sure. My trust for her is gone. She won\'t get help, she doesn\'t think she has a problem. I know who she really is now - the abusive, alcoholic side of her is very much a part of her than the sweet, pleasant side. Alan T Fri, 21 May 2010 04:04:02 +0100 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc800 Hey Alan, You are speaking the truth! I have heard the \"break\" thing once before and blamed my self. The way I see it is once we..and i mean everybody talking about there narcissistic \"woman x\" , finds out that they are narcissistic, we need to have an escape plan ASAFP. This is to avoid actully going crazy over the back and forth of, \" What did I do wrong B/S\" It took me awhile to understand the game but now I know, it\'s time to flip the situation back to commons sense. Just leave her alone. I did have a conversation with her and told her there is no way I will get back with you and used examples of why..thats what started the friend ship thing where she was trying to get back in my mind. They enjoy the chase but once they got you..they loose interest. Dont get me wrong ..I fell in love with her because of her charm, Which I have learned is a narc game. I still have 3 years of B/S to get over with her, but I will not and will try to avoid her like a flu. By the way already dating as we speak. That tends to help out alot..lol Keep in mind I am condensing alot of issues for time sake. But again I will say we truly need to just stay away and feel sorry for her next victim. As far as the pain..just embrace it, know what it is, and move on. It will subside soon. Michael A Wed, 31 Mar 2010 14:16:33 +0100 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc873 I was involved with a woman almost 5 years ago that I believe has NPD. Things started out hot and heavy but it was over as quickly as it had started. She spoke of marriage, kids, a future, etc. for us. How could this attractive woman be so into me after just a few dates I asked myself. On our second date, she asked me if I wanted to go to NY to visit her mother. We only dated a few months. In the end, she left to another state to go back to an ex. Of course, that went nowhere and my phone was ringing in no time except she would call “restricted” or hang up when I would answer. She also called friends of mine an told them she’d be back but never came back. She showed up at the job we met at and said she was coming back but never did. When her engagement to a new guy went south, she called me repeatedly but I never answered. This has gone on since ‘05. Now comes Facebook. She emailed a mutual friend and told him she was coming back in May. He told me but I didn’t react. Here’s where it gets interesting. The friend that hooked us up went and hooked her up with another guy at work and now she has snared him in with her charm. He’s gonna bring her up here to move in with him and eventually get married! Wow! I don’t know if they’ve even met in person but even though I know she has this disorder, it still amazes how this can happen so quickly. Two months of just chatting online and on the phone. She used her charm just like she did on me. This new guy is a work acquainance so it’s not like we go out and socialize but part of me wanted to warn him. I talked myself out of it even though I know what she’s after: She’s 35, never been married, and no kids. She wants it all and he can provide that for her immediately. The ring, the wedding, the house, a steady income, etc. He lost his wife and child in a car accident years ago and has been alone ever since. I feel bad for what she is capable of doing to him. If anybody deserves a good woman, it’s this guy. I also feel as I’m going to go through the abuse again because I will be dealing with it when either one is around. Yes, I do have feelings for her but even I know this isn’t the type of woman you marry. He doesn’t know about me. I don’t think it’s in her or her friend’s best interest to tell the new guy about me. He might raise an eyebrow. Am I a just-in-case guy? She posted something on my friends wall that I wanted to see (her coming back to town after I posted something on my friend’s wall a day earlier) She told him twice! She screwed up really bad with me but I’m over it. I think she wanted me to go crawl back to her or at least initiate contact after she put those “feelers” out there but I didn’t bite. I’ve read on here how right now she’s in the “honeymoon” phase with the new guy but that will eventually go away. I think she’s gonna keep the act up until she gets what she wants. How will this all play out? I wish I had a crystal ball. Thanks for taking time to read my post. rhythm28 Wed, 14 Apr 2010 22:17:51 +0100 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc879 Hi Alan T. I have just ended a relationship that is so much like the one you\'ve been living. I have to say, reading these stories that so resemble what I went through is chilling to say the very least. My experience left me in such bad shape that I had to be medivaced (sp) out of the community I was living in. I was so distraught and filled with self doubt that, in the end, I was feeling suicidal. Man.., I was so completely in love with the woman I met. I started seeing a therapist who, after I described my experiences with this woman, explained that it sounded like I was involved with a narcissist. Total news to me!!! Who would willingly enter a relationship with such a person? The absolute personification of evil. It\'s hard to believe! Now, since the past six months, I\'ve been reading everything I can get my hands on, and learning so much. It\'s remarkable how many of the stories I\'ve read resemble my exact experiences!!! I take great solace in that fact. And can you believe that after several months, and knowing how hard the whole experience was for me, she got in touch with me two weeks ago to invite me for dinner and dancing? Of course, now I was armed with abundant knowledge going into this. I must admit.., I was still hopeful because I had such strong feelings for her, but true to the literature, she was every bit the monster and treated me terribly. What an aberration? I have now blocked her on Facebook as well as all of my other email accounts. I fully expect to hear from her again at some point in the future. I have such pity for someone who must live as she does, but I honestly believe she embodies human evil such as I\'ve never experienced before. My experience with this woman has quite shaken my take on life, I must say. I don\'t believe I have ever felt so manipulated, or so naive before. My advice: Read, read, read. You\'ll begin to see yourself for the loving, caring person you are. The up side is that I\'ve learned a lot about myself from this experience, so this monstrous woman actually did me a big, BIG favor. Foreshorten foreshorten Thu, 15 Apr 2010 19:03:31 +0100 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc881 Hi Forshorten I was also distraught and suicidal because of the horrible situation I was in. My family had to intervene. Her \"crazy making\" behavior made me start to doubt my own sanity. I\'m still believing some of the BS she fed me. It has only been 2 months since our split, and I am trying really hard to maintain a strict policy of no contact. I hope in time, when the pain is gone that I will be able to look at the situation more clearly. Thanks for reading my post and your comments. Alan T Thu, 15 Apr 2010 21:34:20 +0100 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc883 Hi Alan, The more I read about the experiences of other victims of these narcissists, the more I am able to pull myself out of my suffering. Let me share something with you that has helped me enormously? The therapist who helped me name what had been happeneing to me is qualified in the use of a very new treatment called EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing). You may want to read up on this treatment a little, it\'s very new, but is apparently the most effectiove treatment for various forms of trauma. I certainly found myself sufficiently trauatized by my experiences with this woman to give the treatment a try. EMDR sounds sort of esoteric, however, the treatment worked very well for me in terms of settling the anger and sadness I was feeling almost every waking moment. It\'s very quick, and permanent. I recommend it to you, if you are feeling as wretched as you say. Foreshorten Foreshorten Fri, 16 Apr 2010 13:26:09 +0100 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc886 Thanks Forshorten. I have heard of it, and I am interested in trying it. I wish you the best on your journey to recovery. Alan T Fri, 16 Apr 2010 20:57:41 +0100 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc1214 Alan, Not sure if you are still around reading these comments but it\'s amazing the similarities between what you went through and what I did with my ex girlfriend. If there is a way we can get in touch and talk about it more privately we might be able to help each other through this. It is truly a difficult, terrible situation because even though we understand the abuse, and the disease, we still want them back for some reason. It\'s like a strange addiction that WE have. I hope it gets better too, I am about on the same timetable as you for the breakup and it really hasn\'t gotten easier. B Fri, 21 May 2010 01:23:51 +0100 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc1215 Wow, like Foreshorten said, I too felt that I was with someone who represented true evil. I was so confused how she could be so cruel after I did nothing wrong. We were together for over 5 yrs and were married for over a year when I the NPD bomb went off. At first I was so shocked, hurt, and confused by her actions. Its been about 5 months since her affair and true self was discovered and this website has offered so much clarity. I wish I could meet you guys in person because wow would we have some stuff to talk about! J White Fri, 21 May 2010 01:55:58 +0100 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc1216 Hi B..... I am still around. There\'s another great site about Narcs and abusive Cluster B women in general. Create an account in the free forum, and you can PM me. I have the same user name there. http://shrink4men.freeforums.org/index.php Alan T Fri, 21 May 2010 02:11:17 +0100 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc1217 Just registered, will talk to you soon there. B Fri, 21 May 2010 02:51:38 +0100 http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=208#josc1733 I have recently been through the same thing as you blokes. I got engaged to this person after 6 months and it turned out to be a massive mistake, things changed straight away. Since our break up six weeks ago, I have been to a therapist regularly it an effort to regain my confidence that she took and must say I have realised what a horrible person she is and certainly not the person I fell \"in love\" with. I was amazed reading the story as it was like reading what my life has been like for the past year. I too feel sad for this person as her quality of life will never be that great. She too had durg addict and loser type boyfriends before me and surrounds herself with people who are easy to manipulate whilst jumping from different groups of friends constantly. All I can say mate is as hard as it is, you\'ve got to believe that you are much better off without this person in your life, (no matter how good the sex was), Hope this helps GOLFMAD Sun, 29 Aug 2010 05:55:57 +0100