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Comments (41)
  • Anon  - how bad it may look the is light at the end off th
    i have been married for 15 years to this man , this man once told me that he does not believe in divorce. But to my astonishment he believes in cheating and telling lies . my husband was a loving husband until I fell pregnant after four years married to him . he showed me his true colours blaming everything on me that I drove him to other women . he started to be physical abusive, verbal, emotional and sexual. He has more than 6 kids out of marriage all of this babies he made them while married to me . and still have guts to tell me that I never loved him and the worse thing is that his family support him . but I must tell you people, him treating me bad has made me to be strong , to aim high and to achieve all of my goals , in 7 years of hurt , pain and betrayal I have achieve lot of things and I now my wealth .
  • Kosmos  - I guess I will be masturbating for many years to c
    I am or could be very handsome but drink alot due to drowning away the disappointment and shame of having invested three years my life (and many financial losses inadvertantly from her abuse and depression caused on me from it, not to mention simple financial losses from drunk unclear decision making with money). My business project is beautiful and was beautiful and now only sadness is that it should have been launched two years ago by now but since it was so advanced it is still marketable and finally will be ok but time is merciless and can not be recovered. Money is important to have to invest but time itself, just the idleness of time and relaxing in it is merciless and will never return.

    I find it consoling to read other stories of people who consider they have been victims of narcissistic personality disorder types but also at the same time it even furthers my deep resolve that I dont think I can be fooled twice by anyone. It would take so long and such a weird series of circumstances to fool me into believing in love ever again. And that is what the pain is, the essence of this dull ache I carry constantly and only found drinking can remove it for a few hours. Those few hours are just such a relief its worth the rest of the misery around the drinking (money, hangover...detox, health...)

    I dont know what to do really. 38 years old, met her at 35 and decided she can be the one, loved her with all my heart and she just abused me for it. Was direct correlation between how much I let her know I loved her and how abusive then she would become.

    I dont know what to do. Guess this is all life serves up. But my grandfather and grandmother were sweathearts all their life.

    One thing to note about the way society has become today is that when anyone notices that two lovers have united and are truly in love then it seems that everyone sets out to destroy it. So, if you ever fall in love again with someone, and hopefully that someone is true, then be sure to have the conversation how you both should pretend to anyone, including family, that you are together and happy but struggling and never let anyone in the world see that you are totally in love in that endless peaceful resting space where your heart rhythm is like a sleeping peaceful giant afraid of nothing in the world for he is the King.
  • Christine  - Why
    Why do I stay. The only time he is nice is when he wants sex. His 2grown kids 30 and 28! Live there also they don't speak to me. It's so dysfunctional . I am so afraid of being alone. He says no one will want me. But then I think being alone is better then Being with someone who constantly belittles me
  • Christine  - Help
    4 years I have lived with the most selfish mean man and I am scared to leave. I get nothing he tells me all the time. He is a bully. I am in my 50's who would want me
  • Christine
    I have been in a Npd Relationship for 4 years. I am in my 50's and scared to go on my own. He has broken me so far down. Who would want me now. I get nothing he tells me that all the time. I can't park in the garage cuz it's good for me to clean my car off. It's always about him. His way. I get bullied and threatened all the time. What is wrong with me
  • Amy  - I know the pain and it is horrible
    I have been with my husband for 12 years and cannot begin to tell you the emotional and physical effects his abusive nature has done to me! We have three children all little adorable boys Bobby is 6, Jason, 19 months, and Vinny is only 8 months old. For our entire marriage and relationship I have always had a full time job as a Registered Nurse. To make a long story short I have been told that i was not a good mother or good wife, i was self-fish and self-centered and than he started throwing the "narcissist" comments at me! First i wasn't sure what it meant but when i looked into it I realized he was the narcissist that was projecting all his self-hate on to me! I have lived on egg shells for years because his mood or behavior is extreme. I consider myself to be a loving-caring and compassionate woman. Never in my life have i ever been called "narcissistic" or "selfish". The night before my scheduled c-section with our youngest son he kicked me out of the bedroom and made me sleep on the couch cause i was being too emotional and i was selfish because he couldn't get to sleep due to my crying. The next morning i drove myself o the hospital. He has ended our marriage every fight we get into, he turns little things that he considers annoying about me into hug matters. We went through a period where he stopped having sex with me and blamed it on medication and low testosterone but at the same time i found his call log with unidentifyable people. When i would call the person's phone it would say "this line is not receiving calls at this time". He has numerous email accounts and some i don't know about. He constantly changes his password to confuse me! I was driving myself crazy trying to keep up with him! he was always a step ahead. Recently he has been spilling details little by little about is coworker he is working on a project with (who is a female) and his face glows! It hurts so bad! It hurts thinking I have put so much time and energy and love into a relationship that he never cared about or respected. To make matters worse, we were suppose to be leaving on a 7 month trip to Alaska for a job assignment but because of the government shut down we were told not to leave the day before we were suppose to leave. I am an RN and I had quit my job of four years to be with this man in Alaska! Well the Alaska trip never happened and i was depressed and tired from all the packing. He decided it would be a great week to break up with me again and tell me i was "selfish" for feeling depressed and not once did he show any signs of remorse that i no longer had my job! Oh and by the way the trip was postponed but he took himself off the list (and didn't tell me) because he said it was better for his career not caring that his child received a going away party at school and was extremely excited to live somewhere else and experience something new, never cared that i no longer had a job he just kept saying "your so selfish, you lay around feeling sorry for yourself" while mocking me while i'm crying. Out of nowhere he sucker punches me with aggressive insults in public in a quiet voice so than when i react t the horrible insult i look like the crazy wife and they start to feel bad for my narcissistic soon to be x-husband! We can't change these people so if your in the early stages of the relationship PLEASE RUN!!!
  • Shannon  - i believe he is a narcissist
    We met 7 years ago. We started out flirting, I was married and so was he to a woman 20 years older than him and who made way more money. Anyways he said she never wanted to have sex and that she was manipulative and controlling. I had fallen out of love with my husband who was controlling, cheated and treated me like a child. He and my husband worked together and he would tell me that from the way my husband talked he (my husband) would just put his d--- into anyone. He said he couldn't figure out why when he had such a great wife. So we began an affair after he per sued it for some time. Oh my, it was so awesome, mind blowing, he was so sweet and affectionate...he snag me a song over the phone once that was just so heartfelt, so I thought at the time. So the affair lasted 5 years. In that time he would go from "I love you and nothing will ever change that" to "we're just really great friends and what we feel is just chemicals in our brains making us think we're in love". Hot one day, cold and distant the next. Silent treatments were often and I could never figure out why. I was/am in love with him so when the insults started I just thought he was joking around with me. His wife often said that he was very mean to her and their daughter and of course he had me convinced it was the other way around so I never believed her. Then I found out that my husband who went out of state to work (he was fired from his job here for "unlawful use of a work computer) was living with another woman there. I thought here's our chance. He asked his wife for a divorce and I told my husband I wanted one. So everything started, trying to sell our home, found out I was having my first grandchild, sent my 18 year old son to live with his dad because I couldn't afford more than a one bedroom apartment. Daughter moved in with her boyfriend. He came over one night and said he packed a bag while his family was gone and he was done! I figured things would get better, my children grown, husband and I had been separated and he and I could start our life together. Then he started becoming more distant. When I would call to talk to him he just sounded irritated. I would catch him in lie after lie that he always talked his way out of and always kept me on the hook by giving me just enough to keep me hanging in there. One night I was very stressed and texted and just said I needed someone to hold me and tell me everything would be OK. He texted back saying I love you but I won't watch you do this to yourself if you don't suck it up I'm going to leave you in the dust. Mind you this stuff is just tip of the iceberg so to speak. I now know he had many affairs even while we were having our affair. So I moved into my apartment with absolutely no help from him. Saw him a couple times that month then once the next month and once the month after that. Wth? Now that we could be together he is never here and made me feel as tho it was a chore for him and that I should be grateful to get anything. By the end of that month I flat out asked him the deal...in a text he said "I really don't want to be in a relationship and don't have time for one". He made me his booty call a couple of times and would want to sext and have phone sex. I wanted so badly to believe that he was going to get his divorce, he told me that he was going on the straight and narrow so that his wife couldn't use anything against him. So 6 months later he is back. Calling every day, texting, staying over 2 or 3 nights a week, planning trips together, planning the future. On the 16th he asked me for my heart, I said you really want that and he said I want all of you. I was in heaven, finally! On the 20th he sent me an email from his work address saying he loves me but not the kind of love that he could say he could spend the rest of his life with. That he will never marry me, swore on his daughters life that he had no one else...had just been out in group settings and found someone he was attracted to but not anyone he would call his girlfriend and that they didn't even talk every day and hadn't even been to her place. I got access to his Facebook, they have actually been in a relationship for over a year at the time he was spending a lot of time with me and my kids acting as a father figure cause their dad was so awful. We had been planning a vacation together that he told me we could not do because his dad really wanted him to go on vacation with him to key west...I found out that that vacation he had actually taken her...putting all the puzzle pieces together I saw him with new eyes. Apparently they got into an argument at a party and that's when why I believe he began to per sue me again. I messaged her and told her the whole story if us. She blocked me, I asked him to talk so we could get closure and his response in a text was "there is never any reason for us to contact each other ever again"...I am feeling from the pain. Sometimes I think maybe he really is in love with her and is just not into me anymore so just accept it BUT normal human beings do not manipulate, lie, cheat (he is still on dating sites even tho he is in a "relationship" with her. I wonder why doesn't she see it? Why doesn't she believe me? Well, I didn't believe his wife when she told me. He is very manipulative and can convince you of anything. When we got back together it was about 8 or 10 weeks I guess, his sexual behavior became somewhat violent. Choking me, spanking me so hard I had whelps, biting me till I bruised, when I said I wasn't in the mood one night he told me to shut the fuck up and never to tell him no, he loves anal sex and very kinky porn, watched it all the time like it was a tv show. I ignored all the red flags the 1st time around during our affair but when he came back and I caught him in a lie or he would disappeared I would always confront him and at one point told him I want you in my life but I don't need you I in my life if you you want to go if this is not real for you then you need to go, he stayed for the 2 1/2 months then the email and he was gone. I'm sure I've left so much out of this story. He told me once that he had an affair with a stripper who he actually convinced his wife to let her move in. I just didn't want to see it, the red flags were every where. He may not be a narcissist but I have researched and the patterns add up to that as well as psychopathic tendencies. Now he is with her, pics on Facebook going to the places we had planned to go, living it up looking happy and I am sitting here lonely, sad, depressed,confused. I just wanted to get this out...I want him out of my head...the jokes he made at my expense has weekends my self esteem and I don't trust anyone, ESPECIALLY men. I take full responsibility for my part in having the affair so I don't cast stones for that but normal people do not discard people who had only wanted to love and trust them. His daughter won't speak to him and he has nothing to do with his step daughters or his grand baby. Its just so damned confusing how someone can go from being loving and caring to just out right dumping you. I have to get tested for STDs because I found out during the 2 1/2 months we were back together he was having unprotected sex with others. And oh my the lies, betrayed me for being agnostic, he is atheist, and yet his dating profile says he's agnostic. Oh his dating profile also said that intelligence isn't very important to him.....I want to scream at the top of my lungs and just stop my crazy brain from this consuming me so. Every day of no contact gets a little better but my heart aches so bad and I am damn mad!!!!
  • Christine  - It's time.....
    To leave. Get out now. It only gets worse. They only become worse. I know.
  • soul mate not!  - wow!!!
    Just started feeding about this yesterday, everything I've read fits almost perfect, I almost started to think it was my fault but I had to remind myself wait she's the reason,I can give you step by step of the few fights and all the arguments and always same thing, my fault but she begs me back, I really need to talk over phone or in person with someone,I was doing really well considering my past work history until I met her then everything started falling apart, recently I've started having bad thoughts like it's not worth it anymore...at times I want to just give up but I mentally slap myself and say it's ok it's not you!
  • layla4070  - Nothing worth getting is comes easy
    :love: I have been married to a NPD man for 17years. I am so glad I stumbled onto this site. We've been thru the gambit of all the pitfalls here and then some. I have made the choice to leave, finally. When I realized I don't love him as much as I want him to love me I knew I was getting stronger. In my strength he is experiencing a new weakness and he is fighting hard to keep me here. It's not easy because they use love as both a salt and a sweet. They pour on the salt when your down and feed the sweet to get you back up and in control. I believe the one piece of wisdom I have now is that they thrive on compliments. I have just a few short weeks here and I know it will take every thing I have inside me to not get sucked back in with the I love you and need you BS. I'll be a steady reader and I am now hopeful, I haven't felt that in many years.
  • Krista  - Hang in There!
    I too have been married to an NPD man for 17 years. I left him in January with my 9 & 11 year old. With 6 months distance I wonder how I ever stayed so long! You try so hard to make it better; the problem is they don't want it to change. I've been reading a great book titled "Why Does He Do That? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men" by Lundy Bancroft. It is so eye opening; as if the whole book is about my marriage! It also has some great information about being prepared for court. Absolutely invaluable! Good luck with everything.
  • Anonymous
    It is up to you to leave these jerks because they are not going to change. I know I have tried several times. I have been married for forty-seven years.
    Now at last I am free!!!! Divorce is against my religion but I had to or die!
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