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Helping your Brain to Heal - Recovery after Experiencing Cheating or Narcissism in a Relationship Print E-mail

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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.

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Problems in a relationship can lead to emotional pain and depression

It is not uncommon to develop symptoms of anxiety and depression as a consequence of being in a relationship with a narcissistic person or after experiencing cheating.  Depression is a condition that takes long time to develop. Often one is not aware of being depressed until condition is already quite advanced. At that point it often takes medication and therapy to restore the emotional balance.

Before the actual "breakdown" occurs one has usually felt slightly depressed, anxious or stressed for quite some time, often several years. People who have experienced prolonged emotional of physical abuse or other problems in their relationship are often suffering of mild or moderate depression without being aware of it. If you feel your general level of happiness has decreased lately and you feel stressed, tired or anxious, this article will introduce ways to help your brain to recover faster.

There is a biological basis for your painful emotions related to experiencing narcissism or infidelity in a relationship and other tragedies in life. If you understand why you feel the way you do it will be easier for you to control your emotions, get over the pain and regain your happiness. If you wish to learn more about this topic, please see pages How to Control Negative Emotions and Recovery after Cheating and Narcissism.

Lumosity Brain Training Program

You can begin the recovery process by starting to improve your brain today. All you need is your computer. No special software or other equipments are required. You do not need any additional skills and you do not need to download anything to your computer. If you are able to browse this web page, you are able to play the brain training games created by Lumos Lab.

Lumosity brain training games are based on vast array of research results that have been published in respected peer reviewed scientific journals. The developers of the Lumosity games are prominent scientists in the field of neuroscience. These brain games are the result of collaboration of scientists in different universities, such as Stanford, Harvard, Berkeley and UCSF.

 

Lumosity brain training program has been received well by the scientific community, by the users and by critics. Below are some comments of the reviewers from well known sources:


“Lumosity presents a wide range of exercises that target different mental processes.” - LA Times

“We can indeed form new brain cells, despite a century of being told it’s impossible.” - New York Times

“Lumosity was the program I was most eager to play each day.” - Scientific American

"Surprisingly fun games using real neuroscience research to improve your attention, memory, and even peripheral vision." - Women's Health

"Significant improvements in cognitive functions such as memory and attention were noticeable within a few weeks of training."- NBC Cleveland

"…designed to make users sharper in everyday tasks, improving memory, process speed, attention and cognitive control with fun but effective online workouts." - PCMag.com

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TEST LUMOSITY BRAIN TRAINING PROGRAM AT WWW.LUMOSITY.COM

To learn how to control your painful emotions, see article How to Control Negative Emotions.


Getting rid of the emotional pain

Your painful thoughts are the result of certain kind of activity pattern in the neuronal networks in your brain. If you are constantly thinking about the matters related to the problems in your relationship, you are strengthening the neuronal networks related to negative emotions and hence your recovery takes longer.

If you are forcing your mind and your brain to engage into activity that requires your attentional resources, the activity of the neuronal networks related to negative thoughts decreases. As a result of the decreased activity, the networks related to painful memories start to lose their strength.

This kind of plasticity of the neuronal networks makes it possible for us to learn new things as well as to forget the unimportant information. When the strength of the neuronal network related to a certain memory has decreased enough, the memory is forgotten. This happens to us all the time. Without this kind of plasticity, our brain would soon be filled with unimportant information, making it hard to concentrate on relevant matters.

Your goal is to get over the emotional pain, hence to decrease the strength of the neuronal networks related to negative memories. When the neuronal network related to painful memories starts to lose its strength, the intensity of your emotional pain decreases. How can such decrease in the strength of the network be achieved?

You can influence the reorganization of the neuronal networks in your brain by doing mental exercises, in similar fashion as you can help your muscles to restore their functionality after experiencing a paralysis or other kind of trauma. Lumosity brain training program is a good option for people who wish to improve the overall performance of their brain and help their brain to form new neuronal connections. To find out more about the Lumosity brain training program, please continue reading.

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Training the brain helps to overcome depression

Latest research results suggest that depression is caused by changes in the structure of the neuronal networks in the brain. These changes occur as the result of changes in the concentration of certain neurotransmitters that are participating in the regulation of mood, such as serotonin and dopamine. This view of the development of depression alters from previous views in a profound way. Previously is has been assumed that depression is mainly caused by alterations in the concentration of certain neurotransmitters and that if the biochemical balance of the brain is restored, the depression will subside. Antidepressants are helping the brain to restore the normal biochemical balance.

According to this new view of the basis of depression, the beneficial effect of antidepressants is indirect. Antidepressants increase the concentration of neurotransmitters that have positive effect on mood. Once the level of these neurotransmitters has returned back to normal level, structural changes occur in the neuronal network. "Structural changes" refers to the reorganization of neuronal networks. According to present views, depression subsides as the result of this reorganization. This information can be used to help our brain to recover faster after experiencing sadness and stress due to problems in the relationship.

If you are feeling depressed due to problems related to your relationship, these latest research results can be very beneficial for you: You can speed up the recovery of your brain with your own actions. If you sit home doing nothing, or even worse, if you try to tackle your grief by drinking alcohol, you can be sure that the recovery takes long time. From the point of view of the brain, alcohol is a depressant. If you are feeling depressed, the worst thing you can do is to consume excessive amount of alcohol.

Helping your brain to heal

Let us now discuss how exactly you can help your brain to heal faster. There are many things you can do. This article is introducing new methods that can be used to influence brain functions. These methods are based on scientific studies conducted in the laboratories around the world during last several decades.

During last decade, Lumos Labs has created the leading platform for games that improve brain performance. Their team of scientists has developed a method that improves the performance of the brain by using simple, enjoyable and effective scientifically tested exercises. These brain training games are designed to improve the performance of the brain in several key areas, such as memory and attention.

Carefully chosen simple games help your brain to form new neuronal connections. The formation of new neuronal connections is the basis of all learning. The brain of a child or a teenager is constantly forming new neuronal connections as new skills are being learned and refined. As we grow older, the formation of new connections often decreases since we no longer challenge our brain as we used to do when we were younger. The brain training games designed by Lumos Labs are helping the brain to renew itself.

Improving the performance of your brain helps you to overcome depression, stress and anxiety faster. You notice the difference after only couple training sessions. Today the brain training games of Lumos Labs are used by millions of people around the world.

Lumosity brain training games - Science in action

Lumosity brain training games are used by all sorts of people. Students use them to help develop their concentration skills. Elderly people use them to slow down and prevent the deterioration of the brain and mental functions. Brain training games are beneficial for anyone who wishes to improve the performance of his or her brain.

If you start to take care of your brain now, you end up living a healthier and happier life. It has been shown that Alzheimer's disease, Parkinson's disease etc deteriorating conditions are more common in people who are not using their brain. You do not have be one of these people.

The Lumosity brain training games are currently on tons of platforms (including Facebook, iPhone, and Palm Pre) and Lumosity brain training website has over 10 million members around the world. These brain training games have been scientifically proven to:

  • Improve memory
  • Decrease stress
  • Increase the ability to concentrate
  • Improve focus and speed
  • Improve problem solving
  • Improve general health

Make it a priority to take good care of your brain

It is just as important to take care of your brain as it is to take care of the rest of your body. Lack of exercise is known to increase the risk to develop symptoms of depression and increase the level of stress and anxiety. If you feel depressed and you have no energy to do physical exercise, you can start your recovery process by concentrating on the well-being of your brain. Once the performance of your brain starts to improve your general mood starts to improve as well.

The improvement of the mood is the result of the increase in the concentration of mood altering neurotransmitters in the brain. When you are training your brain on regular basis, the increase in the concentration of the essential neurotransmitters will eventually lead to structural changes as the new neuronal connections develop. The development of these new neuronal connections improve the performance of your brain and decrease the level of your stress and anxiety.

A sad person has no energy to take good care of himself or herself. Once your stress level decreases and your level of happiness increases, you will have more energy to take better care of yourself in general. All these factors contribute to your recovery.

How to get started

You can begin the recovery process by starting to improve your brain today. All you need is your computer. No special software or other equipments are required. You do not need any additional skills. If you are able to browse this web page, you are able to play the brain training games created by Lumos Lab. You do not need to play for hours on daily basis. All you need to do is to dedicate 5 minutes here and there during the day to enter Lumosity website and play some of the games. You will see that the games are both fun and interesting. Before you know it, you start to look forward to the gaming sessions and you start to feel more energetic.

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TEST LUMOSITY BRAIN TRAINING PROGRAM AT WWW.LUMOSITY.COM

To learn how to control your painful emotions, see article How to Control Negative Emotions.

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Comments (117)
  • Anon  - confused
    my wife of 6mthz bin 2gther 9yrs cheated on me l.nite im confused she admitted it as soon as came home she was so drunk cant really rem it n takes anti depressantz which comp screws with er head. 1st tym dis has eva happened just dont know wat 2do next
  • Lina  - Cheated on
    Recently cheated on by boyfriend of 3 years. He is stationed across the country, and we were fighting. This girl made a move on him, just a kiss, but that hurt me. They also hung out a few times just by themselves at a dinner and what not, and cuddled a bit. He ended it after that, and decided not to tell me. After he came home for vacation, I found out the night before he flew back out by seeing a text. I was devastated, because I had suspicions already that he denied again and again. I straight asked him, because of a text he got accusing him of such, and he denied it probably 100 times. When I found out, he said that he didn't tell me bc it would never happen again, and he didn't want to lose me. We have plans of marriage and have for a while. I talked with some of his friends that he had told just the night before, and they told me how sincere he was about ending it and how guilty he still felt. So, I decided to stay with him. I am happy with my decision, just sometimes feel sick about him kissing another girl. I know other people on here are dealing, with more noteworthy cheating, but I wanted some support and I thought this would be the place to get it. Also, about a year into our relationship I cheated. I didn't sleep with him, or even kiss him, but other physical things ensued that shouldn't. He chose to stay with me and get through it. We are wonderful together, and I know that I should stay with him. I just don't know how to move forward. Any advice would be wonderful :)
  • L  - ur not alone
    you are not alone. I just found out thru snooping thru hubbys emails that he kissed someone else and was trying to get into her pants while we were dating but before we were married, not sure if sex happened or not.
    this happened 7 yrs ago after we had been "exclusive" in our dating relationship for 2 yrs.
    even tho it happened 7 yrs ago (i just found out)...it still hurts like hell. he says that the girl told him no for the sex...and other emails seem to support that...but then one never knows what happened down the road. He is mad at me for snooping, but says that he feels horrible about it and that it never happened again after that. he went thru alot in his previous marriage and says that he was totally against EVER getting married again (didnt tell me that when we started dating...just said he didnt want to get married "right away";). he says that he was conflicted on whether he wanted to stay with me or not because it seemed that what we had could lead to marriage and it scared him. he wanted to explore being single again so he could determine what he really wanted. he says that the girl said no...because she said she wouldnt have sex with him unless he broke up with me (the girl knew about me but i didnt know about the girl). he says he then realized that he didnt want to break up with me, he didnt want to lose me. so it ended with her. he says that when he proposed to me after 5 yrs of dating that he was then sure that he wanted marriage as opposed to being single and that he wouldnt ever ever do that again to me. he says he feels horrible about it. I want to accept this but am having a hard time with it since i just found this out yesterday. he had been cheated on in his previous marriage and had assured me when we first started dating that he would never lie or deceive me because that is what had been done to him. I believed him. maybe there was no sex....but i feel betrayed just as if there had been. i am not sure what to do now either. if i should end it or continue. i think we have to make our brains pretend it didnt happen. I know i didnt deserve that.
  • J  - J x
    Me & my partner have been together for 2 and a half years now, recently I found out that he had slept with a very easy naiive girl who puts in on a plate to everyone, she has a 1 year old child and has different people in and out of her flat all the time, I have been to where she lives and its pretty disctusting to be fair, when I went in there were 2 young boys in there who claimed to have only just met her and her friends and they were taking her baby out of hes cot walking around with him while still half asleep the poor little thing.. anyway.. discription of her done with, now back to the point, my partners friends had met this girl and some of her friends and as far as i can make out used her home as abit of a doss house, all taking thier turns on them (makes me feel ill) in the meantime my partner had been introduced to them and used a different phone to message her and slept with her on two occasions, both after a night out so im guessing they were both drinking (im not excusing hes behaviour just stating what she had told me) When I went to see this girl I demanded to see every single message, all of which were not in any way affectionate towards her, to be honest there wasnt one full decent conversation between them, which in a way did make me feel slight better as I dont think I could of coped seeing him declaring hes love for her or anything like that, at that point I would of walked out and never looked back.. I know in my heart of hearts he regrets what he did, I know alot of people use the term 'once a cheat always a cheat' but i just find that so hard to accept, I know what he did was absolutely terrible and I did NOT deserve it as I have been nothing but faithful and loyal to him, but people do make mistakes and its heartbreaking to think that for one mistake everything just gets tossed in the bin like it never happened. I love him so much, with all my heart, I really dont know what i would do if he was out of my life (obvisouly I havent told him that) as far as he knows im still very angry about it and unsure what to do (I dont want him thinking he got away with it scott free) but the truth is im in agony over it, I will be in such a good mood one minute then I'll think about him with her and my whole mood will darken, I just hope one day i will be able to find it in my heart to forgive him and put it behind me. He came clean to me and pleaded for me to give him another chance, its just so so hard because I really do want to be with him and I really want us to be happy together.

    I know things will never be how they were but do I have any hope what so ever of been happy aqgain with him? Please keep any negative comments to yourself, unless you have been through it its very easy to shout and scream about how a leopard never changes its spots.

    Unless you have been where I am right now you really wouldnt know how it feels,


    Thankyou.
  • ashana  - hurt
    Am going through what you have it hurts like hell but I try to train my brain to. Release the pain don't take this on too much it will hurt you more than your hurting so say focus and don't let him bring you down
  • shona  - moment of clarification- start of my recovery
    My Narc never took responsibility for his behaviour but would often boast about his power over people. He would say " I look for weaknesses in people and then use them to my advantage'. That was the final straw for me I no longer saw him as a mixed up person that needed love. I saw him for who he really was
  • j-lo
    My boyfriend cheated in a drunken 1 night stand
    He says it happened just the once that one night
    However she got pregnant & was blackmailed into lots of things or else her & her friend were going to tell me.
    I feel sick at the fact this all went on for 2 months behind my back
    Whilst I thought him and I were our usual perfect relationship
    I've taken him back
    But am thinking about it on a daily basis
    It doesn't hurt so much now
    Just... Devastated really. My perfect little world that was precious & mine has been torn apart.
  • Danielle  - It really does hurt to be cheated on bad..
    Would like someone I can relate to and have nobody to talk to At All!! I've been cheated on 3 times by my boyfriend with his ex and a lot has gone on.. The first time I was in the hospital from an overdose of meds from him constantly mentally abusing me. So the meds put me in a 13 hour Coma. When I finally came thru he was waking me up and telling me he loved me. Told all kind of lies!! Come to find out all night and morning he was with his Ex having sex. Had the nerve to come to me at the hospital smelling like her!! I got home and that's when I figured it out on my own !! It broke my heart soooo bad.. Then he did it again while he dropped me off at the nail salon to go pay his car payment. While he was gone he said he was meeting her to give her $ for there kids. He took it upon himself to go to her house and had Sex!! I found out because 2 days later I was driving the car and had to take him by his job.. While he was in there he left his phone in the car so I went to read something I wish I wouldn't have.. It said' You made my Ass Bleed' meaning he did Anal to hard!! I was crushed. When he got in the car I lost it!! Drove home like a bat out of hell home. When I got home he would let me have the keys to get in the house he took them away. So I went around the back of the house and busted the window out and still was lying about not being with her!! What an Asshole.. So I took a big piece of the glass and cut the inside of my forearm from one side to the other 2 times and couldn't quit bleeding! He came near me and I grabbed him by the throat and had the glass in my hand and told him do you want me to cut your throat?? I ended up letting go and cried and cried til I couldn't cry anymore!! We finally went and got in the car to go to the hospital and as we went down the street here came the cops went went past them.. Went to a hospital 45 mins away so the cops would think he was the one who cut me. Got 8 stitches in one spot and the other cut they used Durobond glue and put it on the other cut.. There is more I would like to tell more so send me a response and we can share please need a friend??? Thanks for listening from Danielle
  • sam  - Still need someone to talk to?
    Dear Danielle, i know your post was about a month ago but i coudn't see a reply. Just to say i'm listening, and if you still need a friend to share with i'm listening. I'm going through something tough with my girl, but not quite that bad. I don't know if i'm ready to share yet, but if you wanna talk feel free :)
    Sam
  • Melanie  - Leave him. Now.
    Hi Danielle. I can see your email was a very long time ago, but I am just seeing it now. In any case, I hope things are better now. If you haven't left this man, you need to do so as soon as possible. This man treats you like dirt and doesn't give you the respect and dignity you deserve. No one deserves to be treated like crap by another human being, and it's making you do things to yourself that you shouldn't be doing. It's almost been one year now since I discovered that my live-in boyfriend of two years had been cheating on me. I made the decision to leave him almost immediately. When I think back on him, I continue to realize that there were numerous other ways beyond the cheating that he didn't give me the respect and love I deserved. I'm now with a man who treats me like a queen and doesn't stress me out. It's hard to learn to trust again, but I'm trying, and my new boyfriend is really great about being supportive. You deserve, and will find better, just like I did.
  • Judith
    Melanie, Thank you so much for your post. It gives me hope that other people have found good partners in their lives. Every day is a challenge for me since I kicked him out of our apartment but I'm glad not to be in shock anymore. Still feel angry and sad and I miss the good times but I can't really say I know when that was. I think I miss the dream I had of a beautiful life together being married and raising a family. I keep breathing, spending time with friends and doing lots of Kundalini yoga. It all helps.
  • DJ  - Wish I had known
    Just started reading this site as I am currently going thru a 3.5 year relationship with a narcissist. I would have reached out to you so that we may share. I hope you are on the road to recovery, the road I long to be on. Peace be with you.
  • reginetta  - it has been so long
    I met this man 8 years ago at work.We had what I thought was goign to be a 1 night stand, but later he started texting me etc. Few days later he said he had a girfriend who was pregnant but he did not get on with her.....I was hooked . So much happend since then ( she had a miscarriage, foud out about me, told me to leave him alone.....). He kept saying that he had to stay with her because of immigration problems.I always wanted to believe him, he was with her because of teh above but kept seeing me. He was so lovely, a perfect matching of mind, values... Last year I discover by chance ( by seeing a picture in face book) that he had married her. He come to me and exapliend that he had to do this because of immigration laws, otherwise he would had to leave the country. i forgave him and continued seeign him because of our 'deep' relationship. 4 days ago he said he needed to see me and talk to me. When we met he told me that the other lady had given birth to a baby only few days earlier. He had not told me she was preganant. I had wanted a child with him since we met and he knew thi, as I had told him so many times (also because of my age). What a shock, I was so sick
    ,I felt I was goign to die, ...him with a child ( his first at 52).After we had a big argument, I asked him to leave. He emailed me the next day saying that he still loved me and that's the reason why he stayed with me 8 years. He would be happy to continue trying for a child we me aswell. He also sent me a text with the pictue of the little girl.It broke my heart after all the discussion we had about having children etc. I feel so bad about what he has done, but I still love him( I have not contacted him since he left).
  • robert  - boring
    I broke up from a relationship of 8 years it was more of a mutual breakup, Im 3 weeks into it and my mind vasilates back and forth, one day I want her back the next day I dont ever want to go back. I know its early in the breakup but already Im sick of thinking about it, I try working hard to focus my mind on other things, My hope is to move on, but its the plans and dreams of the future together that I have trouble readjusting too. What are my new dreams and goals to work towards???? I know all the answers are inside me Lmao. Iam proud of myself for stopping the B.S. Im looking forward to the day I dont wake up thinking about her. I pray its soon.
  • EJay  - Robert...
    Your story could be mine so far...6 years of what? And totally on his terms. I lost myself. So I guess that's why I'm devastated. I don't want to go back, but sometimes I can hardly breathe and my heart hurts. I hope you are well. I'm looking forward to that too...EJ
  • Shalene  - Denial
    For anyone who actually reads this, sorry its so long, and smushed together, im not the best writer....Okay, so I've been with my boyfriend for around a year and a half.. I've known him since we were kids. He is really loving,sweet, and amazing... To my face. But from what other people tell me he is a completely different person than the guy I know. It all started with one of his Ex's going around town telling everyone that he was cheating on me with her, texting her baby, and telling her that he was trying to get me to break up with him. Most of the stories she was telling people weren't true and I knew this because I knew for a fact that they were physically impossible, but some of it could've been true and she could've just over exaggerated it. (She always tries to get in between relationships) I tried to break up with my boyfriend after initially finding everything out, but whenI talked to him he denied it all and would say things like,"Ok, so I won't go back out with this girl, but supposedly I cheat on all my girlfriends with her? She's a liar." Which actually made some sense to me. (She's started rumors about him cheating with all of his previous girlfriends) So I get over it and decide to believe him rather than her. I've never fully gained trust for him again tho, so I decided to put a phone tracker on his phone. He didn't know about it for months, and he never hid anything from me except little things that he would think I'd get mad about like a girl saying hi or something small. So things get okay again and we move to Out of town together (we've already been living with each other like a month after we started dating) and I thought being in a bigger town with less drama drawn people would help me trust him more. But since we've gotten here things kind of got worse. He eventually found out about the phone tracker and left it on there for a bit. After awhile I told him that I deactivated it.. A little more time goes by and nothing big happens I stop checking it . We start hanging out with one of my really good friends I have in the town. We were para tally like sisters before she moved away.. My boyfriend is always a personable person and it seems like he flirts with girls a lot but he is the same way with guys so I talked myself into generally believing that's just his personality.. Everyone loves him and wants to be his friend. I would get on his case about how it may not be flirting to him but they could see it as flirting. And he would get mad and say that I don't trust him and as long that it doesn't mean anything to him shouldn't that be the only thing that matters. And I'm thinking ok that's true. Well I would get kind of annoyed while hanging with my friend and him because they would get into conversations that I wouldn't feel apart of and I started feeling like the third wheel in a way. And I brought up that I was feeling that way to him and he would start holding my hand more and Kissing me more and paying more attention to me while we there. Then I finally found a job. And I kind of asked him if he was going to go hang out with my girlfriend while I was at work, cause I honestly thought she liked him a little. And he started giving me shit about not trusting him again and said the only reason he ever wants to hang out over there is cause she always has weed,and that he's not attracted to her that way. And I feel bad because I didn't trust him.. So I goto work the first couple days and both days he hung out with her. He told me about it and called me when he was over there. So I really didn't suspect anything. Well I kind of get curious and decide to get back on the phone spy to see if he hid anything from me while I was at work. Yes. There were text between him and his "cousin" they're not blood cousins but their cousins and he recently started talking to her when we moved down here. Well in the text he was pretty much begging her to send him a nude and she said maybe later and he said he wouldn't have later because I would be off work. Well I'm torn and like wtf! I confront him about it and first he starts getting mad because I checked his phone again. And I said whatever that's bullsht why is he asking for a nude from his cousin, and he said that it wasn't him texting her and I asked why someone else would say they couldn't later cause I'd be off work? And he said it wasn't me Nd I'm not going to tell u cause that's the one thing I can't see with the phone tracker but I'd just have to trust him. Plus he said its his ugly cousin why would he want nudes from her? I decide to stay with him but not sure. I go and vent to my friend.. And that's when she decided to tell me... Apparently when he was over there he started asking if she still had her belly button pierced, and to show him, and they started talking about what she didn't like about her and she said her love handles and he asked to see and said she didn't have any. Then he told her that he thought he had a small dick and asked if he could show her and she can tell him. And she said no and he pulled it out anyways. And she told him to put it away and he did. Then I guess he was talking about if he would ever do anything with him if me and him broke up. She said no. Girl code. Then the second day he went over there he was trying to get with her again.. Telling her to get under the covers, how beautiful she is, and to show him her ass. She didn't Do anything with him I guess. So I goto him to see what he has to say about this. I'm pretty pissed. He pretty much said that she was lieing except for the part that he showed his dick cause he thinks its small... Which its not I've told him this and my cousin told him this when I caught them making out at a party when they were drunk( I let it go cause they were really fu**ing drunk I forgot to mention this earlier) but yeah she said she felt his and that it was big so he really doesn't have a reason to believe its small. And he apologized for showing her but that he really wasn't trying to get with her and that she was adding a bunch of shit. Well for some reason I decide to stay with him even though he is lying to my face about Both ofthese things that happened.. And hope he'll change? Also because I'm not in the best financial situation considering I haven't been working and he's been paying for everything, and I just don't want to go thru it right now... It's almost Christmas for Christ sake! But anyways I guess where I'm trying to go with this is.. What should I do? I wish he would come clean and just admit to what he did but he won't and he won't talk about it any further he said I have to trust him... Should I? Or what! I'm just so confused I love this guy and he tells me that he loves me and cares about me more than anyone in the world. If he wanted to cheat on me why is he staying with me? Has anyone ever had this situation? I just don't get it. He won't let me break up with him because he begs me not to everytime but then he's going out on me? May I note this only the shit I found out... I have no. Idea what else he has been up to... I guess overall I need support.. Help? :/
  • Morgan  - confused
    My bf and I have been together for almost 2 years and when I was 8 months pregnant he cheated on me. In December before I got pregnant I found out he had started chatting with a girl on facebook and 4 months later it escalated to sexting and him hiding talking to her, he was also doing this with an ex. I found out and we talked and two weeks later he was doing the same things so I had him move out. We were still together but since he was so stressed about the baby coming he was always acting stressed and barely had anything to do with me. Two months later a different ex who still kept in contact started coming around and after he moved back in when we were trying to get things figured out he slept with her. We broke up for a week but then I went into labor and ended up getting back together. This was all him because he told me he had more feelings than he realized. Now theres a girl at work which we work together who has hung out with us a bit but lately she and him have been texting a lot during the week and they were texting at night while i was asleep. I felt uncomfortable so I said something to him since it's only been 6 months since all this happened and he got all defensive and said he wasnt doing anything wrong. I never said he was or accused him of anything i just told him i was uncomfortable with them texting so much. Shes nice to me and talks to me alot but given his history with me it makes me nervous. Since I told him it does and he got upset I'm not sure what I should do. He sits at her table at breaks and I don't feel it necessary for them to text so much during the week because they both work the weekend shift and I work the day shift. Any advice would be helful since he has cheated before.
  • dave
    There is an answer to why you're so deeply bonded to this person. It's hard to put into words but because I'm living it and have found the path out I'll give it a try.

    Imagine a black and white photo of your emotional self. Now create a negative. It's the absolutely perfect match to your needs, wants, desires, sexuality, dreams, even your soul. It's a three dimensional mold, it's a living womb from which you were born. And it's not static, as your emotional self evolves (and is injured) it evolves to remain a perfect match.

    That is what has formed inside of your partner. The incredible intuitive power each of us are born with has been joined with a life force that developed without the ethical foundation most of us take for granted. He is indeed a type of soul mate, but one that is a close approximation of evil.

    It's important to recognize that there is no intent on his part to be evil, his mind grew this way for reasons that are not relevant. He has POWER. And since he lacks some or many of the things that restrain healthy people he uses this power to live an emotional life using you as a puppet.

    I think if you look for this you'll see the pattern, and after a period of fascination, like watching a car wreck you'll one day break out of the trance and realize you have driven off the road and left your self behind. The healing will start there.
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