The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.
Narcissistic people usually feel happiness only when they feel something good happens to them. For example, a narcissist is feeling happy when someone praises them, shows admiration and respect to them or is otherwise making them feel important and powerful. Narcissistic people want and need this feeling of acceptance and admiration more than anything, and anyone who can offer this feeling to them will be treated well by them.
Sadly, often the only exception is the spouse of a narcissist. The spouse receives special treatment only for a certain period of time, but after that his/her role changes. This happens due to the fact that a narcissist gets bored very easily. This does not usually happen with friends of a narcissist, since these people are usually not spending with friends enough time to get bored with them. That is why every time a narcissist meets friends, he/she is usually very friendly and polite towards them, because it is very important for narcissistic people to give a good impression.
This is the reason why the friends of a narcissistic person often simply cannot believe that he/she can be such a monster towards his/her spouse. Instead, often friends tend to believe when a narcissist is complaining that all the problems in a relationship are caused by the spouse. Only if the friends have a chance to observe a narcissist from close distance for longer period of time, they start to see his/her true nature. It can be some impatient words, cold and uncaring behavior in unexpected situations, small things like that. But often there is not enough time to spend together with friends and so usually no one else except the spouse of a narcissist will have a chance to observe and notice the warning signs.
It is good to read the stories of others who have been in similar situation. If you wish to read about the methods I used to teach my mind and my brain to get rid of my "addiction" to my narcissistic spouse, visit page Recovery after Narcissism and Cheating. If you wish to read more about how I was able to break free, please visit the discussion forum and read this thread: How I was able to end the relationship with my narcissistic spouse.
A narcissist feels happiness in the right situations but for the wrong reasons
A narcissist can feel happy when he/she has been helping someone. The source of this happiness is not the fact that the person who received help feels happy, but the fact that a narcissist was able to appear as someone with a good heart, someone who is caring, divine etc when he/she was helping someone else. A narcissist is loving the feeling they get when they think they have been helping someone and that this person and also other people are aware that they have been doing "good deeds". So, again it all boils down to a narcissist, not to the person who received help. This is natural behavior for these people, who cannot genuinely care about anyone but themselves.
The children of a narcissistic person are often his/her "extensions". If the children are successful in their lives, a narcissist can be proud of them, because they are his/her children, and that explains why they are doing so well in life. I have known a narcissistic man, who always spoke about his children to other people by advertising how well the children have been educated, how successful they have been, which universities they went to, and how well they are going to do as they grow older. It sounded like an advertisement rather than a loving father talking about his children.
I also noticed that this person had a "favorite" child who he praised more than the other child. He occasionally said to his closest friends how the child who he did not praise so much was a bit "weird" and "strange", almost autistic etc. I had an opportunity to meet this child at one point, and the child turned out to be very nice, normal and relaxed person. I found it somehow very strange that this man would say such things of his own child. It appeared as if he was putting people into categories in his mind, based on how "valuable" and educated they were, regardless of who these people were, even if they were his own children. I found this to be quite sad.
Knowing how the mind of a narcissist works helps you to manipulate a narcissist
Feeling good about oneself, that is what happiness is all about for a narcissist. If a narcissist feels something is increasing their personal value in the eyes of the others, whatever that thing is, it is making them feel happy. It can be helping someone less fortunate, bragging about their own achievements or achievements of someone, who they are related to in such a way that they feel they have actually contributed to those achievements (for example children, colleagues or even friends).
If one realizes this, it is actually quite easy to manipulate a narcissistic person, since they are so shallow and superficial that they usually fail to see if someone is praising them for real or is only putting up "an act" to fool them in order to gain some personal benefit. Vanity makes person very vulnerable, and the vanity of a narcissist is greater than that of anyone else. If you keep this in mind, you can pull the strings and control these people, at list to a certain extent.
To read more about narcissism and how the mind of a narcissist works, go to section Narcissism. To read personal stories of life with a narcissistic spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse. To read about cheating and how the mind of a cheater works, go to section Cheating and Infidelity. To read personal stories of life with cheating spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Cheating and Infidelity.
Go to other sections by clicking Main Menu links (left bar).
If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, send me email to