The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.
Detaching from a narcissist can be quite difficult. The process of letting go can be easier if you understand the reasons why you feel attached to your spouse, even though he or she is acting cruel towards you and is constantly putting you mentally down. When you understand what is causing your feelings it will be easier for you to control your emotions and get mentally rid of a narcissist. To read more about the methods I used to teach my mind to let go of my "addiction" to my narcissistic spouse, visit page Recovery after Narcissism.
Relationship with a narcissistic partner can often be compared to drug addiction. In the beginning of the relationship a narcissist is making you feel as an amazing human being and is claiming that he/she has never met anyone like you. It is typical for a narcissistic person to start to talk about "love" and "loving" almost immediately, even before they have had a chance to really get to know your personality and who you are.
The beginning of the relationship with a narcissist is wonderful time, they often appear to be almost too good to be true (eventually it turns out that this was true). During this "honeymoon" period, your brain is releasing so-called "pleasure substances", biochemical compounds which are responsible for the feelings of happiness, mental balance and euphoria. As time goes by your brain is slowly being altered in such a way that you must have the "drug" constantly available in order to maintain a satisfied state of mind. In this case the "drug" is the love of your narcissistic partner.
Similar thing happens in all relationships in the beginning. During the first couple years into a relationship your brain is adjusting to the new life with your spouse by reorganizing the structure of the neuronal networks that are controlling the emotions related to romantic love. Due to this reorganization the feelings of love towards your husband or wife are integrated deep into your brain. This kind of reshaping of the neuronal connections only happens if you are strongly in love with your husband or wife. If you do not experience strong emotions towards your spouse, the structure of the neuronal networks related to these emotions is not reorganized significantly.
Addicted to a narcissist
It is very common that a narcissist can be so incredibly charming and "perfect" in the beginning of the relationship that you fall strongly in love before you even realize what is happening. As a result of this, you soon become strongly addicted to your partner and you must have their love constantly available to you.
When a drug addict no longer has access to the drug, withdrawal symptoms will occur. When access to the drug is denied unexpectedly, withdrawal symptoms are very strong. Same thing happens in a relationship with a narcissistic person. As soon as the idealization phase is over, a narcissist might change his or her behavior very fast: they may turn cold, uncaring, even cruel. When this happens, you feel lost and disoriented because you can no longer fool yourself and think that your narcissistic spouse loves you. You have no idea why your spouse has changed his or her behavior, but as a result of it you are suddenly deprived of your "drug" and you experience strong withdrawal symptoms. Your mind is filled with mixed feelings of depression, anxiety and other forms of mental pain.
During this mental crisis you are trying to maintain your relationship with your spouse. If your spouse is giving you the slightest hint that he or she might still be in love with you and care for you, you feel like getting a single dose of the drug after a period of painful deprivation. For a short while all your negative feelings will disappear, but later they return even stronger.
The only effective way to get mentally rid of a narcissist is not to be in any kind of contact with them. In addition to this, reading about narcissism and experiences of those who have gone through the same mental turmoil will help you. Knowledge is power, the more you know about your "enemy" the better you can fight it. In this case the enemy is your mental addiction to your narcissistic partner. Understanding the reasons that are causing your negative emotions makes it easier for you to control your life. This is the basic idea in psychotherapy.
If you want to learn about the methods I used to let go of my narcissist partner, see page Recovery after Narcissism. To read more about narcissism, please see section Narcissism. To read personal stories of life with a narcissistic spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse. If you wish to read about cheating in a relationship and how the mind of a cheater works, please see section Cheating and Infidelity. To read personal stories of life with a cheating spouse, please see section Personal Stories: Cheating and Infidelity.
I created this website aiming to help those who are dealing with narcissism, cheating, mistrust, insecurity, betrayal or other problems in their relationship. If you wish to read more about me and my background, please visit page Site overview. If you are interested in topics related to cheating, narcissism, mind and brain, please feel free to read my blog.
If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, send me email to