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How to Leave a Narcissist - Advice and Support Print E-mail

 

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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.

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In order to free yourself from the emotional "hook" your narcissistic spouse has embedded into your brain you must realize that you are a complete, whole person on your own. You do not need Narcissist to make you happy and worthy, you can create your own happiness. You alone choose how your life will evolve, do not let Narcissist make decisions for you. Once you realize that separation is actually a good thing rather than bad, you have taken a huge step towards the recovery.

In case of a mental disorder such as narcissism, a narcissist can only start to improve his or her behavior towards others after the have first realized and accepted that they have a problem. Also in case of depression, the recovery can truly begin only after person admits that he or she is depressed, stressed or has a burn-out. It is hard to admit that one cannot handle things anymore without help from outside. Often people fail to recognize the early signs of a burn-out and depression and just keep pushing forward until they finally fall.

The recovery after depression or burn-out takes a long time and may even require medication. Same applies to the recovery after a bad relationship. If you feel your life with your narcissistic spouse is taking you to this direction, please continue reading and find out how to stop the process before things go too far.

If you wish to learn about the methods I used to teach my mind and brain to let go of "addiction" to my narcissistic spouse, visit page Recovery after Narcissism. There you can read more about the ways to teach the brain and the mind to get over negative events in life such as the betrayal and cheating. Same methods can be used to get over mentally abusive relationship with a narcissistic person. If you can control your emotions, it will be much easier for you to decide what to do with your relationship. You can start the recovery process today.

We are locked behind the invisible bars our own mind has created

One often fails to see how bad the state of the relationship really is, until the damages are already extensive. This happens because in the beginning the relationship with a narcissist is like living a dream. During this dream-like period, the emotional "hooks" are buried deep into your brain. See article Cheating and the Brain for more details about this process of becoming addicted to a narcissist in the beginning of the relationship.

This addiction is the reason why it is so difficult to let go of the relationship with your narcissistic husband or wife. We do not want to let go, because we believe we have something that we actually do not have. We think we have a certain kind of a relationship with a certain kind of a person, when in fact our relationship is completely different. We are still living in an illusion that our relationship is special, we believe that under all the dirt we must put up with there is that wonderful person we once fell in love with, wonderful life we used to have and wonderful relationship of our dreams.

But reality is that we never had that kind of a relationship. It never existed. The "wonderful" person we fell in love with was just a mask, hiding the true narcissistic personality. The real person is what we now see, and it is not a pretty sight. A narcissist is a hollow, empty and sad figure. When we learn to see our narcissistic partner this way, we are able to free ourselves. When we see a narcissist as he or she really is, we realize that we do not need him/her to make us feel "whole". The reality is that we were whole before our narcissistic spouse stepped into our life, and we will be whole again after we get him/her out of our world. This is the most important thing you must realize. Nothing stands between you and Happiness, Harmony and most of all Freedom, except your narcissistic spouse.

Are you still fooling yourself and believing that you might find happiness with your misbehaving spouse? Do not worry. These things take time to sink in. Eventually you will realize that the path with a narcissist is a dead end. Do not blame yourself if it takes a bit of time for you to break free. You are only a human, and these things are not easy. This is the reason I created this website, to help you on your long and difficult path towards freedom and away from the dark realms of your narcissistic spouse. In the end there will be light, I promise you that!

It is tragic that so many people believe they will be happy if they stay in a burning house (that is, in a relationship with a narcissist) and that they will be sad if they run to a beautiful beach (leave their spouse). This seems to go completely against all logic. This is an example of the mental traps and prisons we have created in our mind. We are literally the prisoners of our own mind, and we will stay behind the invisible bars as long as we fail to see things for what they really are.

Plato and the Cave

From Allegory of the Cave:

"Plato imagines a group of people who have lived chained in a cave all of their lives, facing a blank wall. The people watch shadows projected on the wall by things passing in front of the cave entrance, and begin to ascribe forms to these shadows. According to Plato, the shadows are as close as the prisoners get to seeing reality. He then explains how the philosopher is like a prisoner who is freed from the cave and comes to understand that the shadows on the wall are not constitutive of reality at all, as he can perceive the true form of reality rather than the mere shadows seen by the prisoners."

The victims of narcissists are like people in Plato's cave: We do not believe it when somebody tells us there is light and sunshine and beautiful fields outside the cave, if we only take one step towards the right direction. We insist on staying in the darkness of the cave, because that world, regardless of its horrors, has become familiar to us. That is the world we know and even though we are not completely happy living in it, we are afraid to leave. We are afraid that we may not find anything better, that we might be left completely alone. But anything is better than to sit in a dark, cold, wet cave (grave) and just wait for the death. Outside the cave we at list have a chance of survival, we even have a chance to achieve Happiness. Whatever will happen outside the cave, it will be far better than to live and die in darkness.

Having said that, let me say that I do understand how difficult it is to leave a narcissistic husband or wife. The mental hooks are buried so deep. I know this very well, because I have been in a similar situation with my former narcissistic spouse. I know how it feels like when your brain is screaming at you "run, get out of here as fast as you can!", but your heart makes you stay. If you are now in that situation, keep reading articles on this website and slowly you will start to realize what is best for YOU. Eventually you will reach the point when you will be strong enough to break free and leave. The purpose of this website is to help you in that process.

Search your feelings and you will realize that your sadness, depression and anxiety are due to the fact that you believe your life will be somehow "empty" and "gray" without your narcissistic wife or husband. You have built yourself an identity as a spouse of your partner and now you should rearrange your view of yourself and your life. This process is very painful. But trust me, you will get through it.

There will be light on the other side

It was extremely difficult for me to end the relationship with my narcissistic spouse. I wrote about some of my emotions related to the thought of the separation and the actual separation in article Ending the Relationship with a Narcissist. Read that article to see if you have been experiencing similar feelings in your relationship with your narcissistic husband or wife. If you have, I am sorry to say this, but I must: You should let go of your relationship. It is not going to get better, it will only get worse.

A narcissist can seldom change. You will always carry the negative memories with you and as time goes by, new bad things will most likely happen. All these things will keep piling up until your mind will eventually break. It can happen within months, years or tens of years, but eventually you are no longer able to accept the sick, twisted lifestyle of your narcissistic spouse. For your sake, I wish this process will not take tens of years. To find out how you can teach your mind to let go of a toxic relationship, visit page Recovery after Cheating and Narcissism. If you have been feeling depressed or anxious due to the problems in your relationship, read this article to learn what you can do to help your brain and mind to recover: Training the Brain.

If you wish to read more about narcissism and how the mind of a narcissist works, go to section Narcissism. To read personal stories of life with a narcissistic spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse. To read about cheating and how the mind of a cheater works, go to section Cheating and Infidelity. To read personal stories of life with cheating spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Cheating and Infidelity.

You can write to me and tell about your experiences by going to page Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse, Information. If you wish to read more about me and my background, please go to page Site overview. From Site overview you can read short description of contents of this site and you find out how to contact me. If you are in relationship with a narcissistic mental abuser, I believe you will find useful information from this site that will help you to heal. Go to other sections of this site by clicking Main Menu links (left bar).

- Maria

If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, send me email to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

 

Comments (347)
  • Linda R  - Reply to Beverly- scared
    this is a reply to Beverly-scared. Your email sounds so much like what I've also gone though for over 35 years. I have no education I did have a job for 28 yrs, I moved to another dept in the business hoping to earn more money, and get away from my abusive husband, but I lost my job. I worked at an will company, which mean they can get rid of you for any reason. A new boss came in didn't like me,and dismissed me after 28 yr. I only had 2 more yrs to go and I would have been able to have my retirement, but everything was lost. Now I feel more sick,lost,empty,scared, and emotional crippled then ever before. I just wanted to send you a hug, and tell I know what it feels like.
  • Beverly  - scared
    32 years as long as everything is going his way it is wonderful...if not emotional abuse, physical, everything my fault. nothing inside. I want a divorce...I have heard stay your life will be to hard..i don't have a job and leave somehow I will make it, No support system. people sick of my complaining and I am sick of myself. I have taken antidepressants, antianxiety, etc. The sad part is what I used to be two bachelor's degrees and done nothing with them. I am now 58 yes old. What a horrible bad dream my life has been,
  • DD  - Worst heartbreak ever
    The articles on this site make so much sense. I am so angry with myself because I should have left him years ago but I was afraid & the fear was crippling for me. I had no family I could go to. So here I am years later at 45 still horribly afraid but so mortally wounded by this man that I have to get away ASAP. I know I have to protect my son & get him away from this horrible cycle of mental abuse. I dont want my son growing up seeing how my husband treats/cheats on me and think that is how it is supposed to be. As for me, I want the peace of not having to wonder which massage parlor prostitute or hookup skank he is with when he is late, supposed to be with friends, etc. Thank you for letting me share my story-I dont have alot of people to talk to. I may not be able to make my cheating narcissist husband confess, feel sorry or talk-but I can make him single & no longer my problem. Im living for that day
  • DD  - Worst heartbreak ever
    So, Ive been married for 14 years to a man who I now believe is a narcissist as well as a sex addict. I told him I wanted a divorce October '13 but he swore he didnt want to divorce, etc-loved us-all the typical B.S. Then 2 weeks later I caught him at an asian massage parlor using find my iphone and he was a complete ass & blamed me for invading his privacy? I promptly packed up my 4 year old & left the house. He was a jerk for the first few days & even threatened to take my son from me. When I stood up to him he backed off and was the typical narcissist-emotional, crying, etc. just to get control back. He let us come back to the house under the guise of he would stay somewhere else & then starting coming up with excuses with no where to go...blah blah blah. He ended up sleeping on our couch. Being the idiot I am, I let him back in. Now he is acting like everything is great and tells me that he cant change what happened in the past but he can make things better now? He never really even apologized to me for cheating, changed the passcode on his iphone & carries it around like its an appendage. I was able to figure out the passcode & saw that he is streaming porn and cruising hookup sites. Why cant he just man up & leave?! I am so pissed but I am unemployed with a special needs 4 yr old. I really dont have anywhere to go. I have been speaking to attorneys which all want retainer fees that I do not have. I am going to sell some of my personal belongings to raise the money for an attorney but until then have to be nice and go along. I feel sick EVERY day but I am putting on a brave face for my beautiful son.
  • k
    I am almost there. I have no friends and no family. he has done well, all ways thought him controlling and manipulative, keeping me busy. the lies, the affairs I couldn't prove. thanks to the mediums I have been seeing, and reading sites it all makes sense. I am now educating myself and preparing to go. Ill be free soon and so will my kids. he is not getting another year out of me.
  • Anonymous  - same boat and nervous
    My husband is a narcissist and we were relocated so I had no one but him. I have been with him for 5 years and he's all I'm used to. . It wasn't until I started to become more social that I realized through others what an unfair marriage I am really in.
  • HG  - Finding strength from within to let go
    I've read so much about narcissism. This has been one of the most helpful and healing websites. I really appreciate reading everyone's stories. It's help give me the strength I need to understand and find closure.

    I was with my N for 5 years. When we started dating I immediately fell for his charm and how he loved and understood me. I was infatuated with the idea that someone who was so funny and affectionate was interested in me. I loved our endless conversations. My infatuation with him blinded me from seeing and understanding all the signs.

    When I reflect on everything that happened, I get frustrated with the fact that I dismissed so many signs. We lived in different cities when we first started. He lied and pretended that he waited all week and jumped on the first train to spend the weekend with me.

    Then one year later, we moved in together. This is when things started to change. We started fighting because he wanted time away from me. He wanted to spend more time with his friends. When I asked for more time with him, he claimed that I was suffocating him. He said that it was his first time living with someone and didn't want to give up his independence. I later found out what that really meant (which I'll get to later).

    After 3 years together full of break ups and getting back together, I decide I needed to do something different to break the vicious cycle. After confirming that we were going to break up permanently, I found comfort in another man. Two days later, he convinced me to give our relationship another chance. So I decide to tell him about the other man.

    He responds with unbelievable outrage. We fought for months. He said that he couldn't believe that I lied to him and found comfort in another man. (Mind you we were broken up during this time). He said that he had never had anyone cheat on him before. (I didn't we were broken up) He said he couldn't stop imagining me with the other guy. Long story short, he moves to the other side of the country.

    For an entire year I called and texted him. I kept feeling like I was to blame. I felt I failed him. I felt like it was my fault that things didn't work out. There were moments when he responded to me and other moments he ignored me. I spent many nights for an entire year crying and feeling bad that I was to blame. Towards the end of the year, we finally talk again and decide to get back together. He decides to move back and try it again. When he finally arrives he drops a bomb on me by disclosing that he cheated on me multiple times throughout our relationship. One month later he tells me that he cheated on me before he moved back with multiple girls.

    Then he got really frustrated with me because I wouldn't forgive him right away. He said that I was being unfair and unreasonable. After two months of me expressing my anger, disappointment and loss of trust he decides to break up with me; which was the beginning of yet another vicious cycle.

    We broke up and got back together upon his request. Then after a few months he asked me to cheat on him to get even so that we could have a clean start. I refused for months. Again he was very frustrated with me. He blamed me for us not being able to move forward. He told me that I was holding us back. I told him that by me cheating it was not going to solve anything. If anything he was going feel like it was ok to start cheating again. Of course, he continued to deny it.

    Somehow he managed to convince me to consider the idea of cheating on him. As I began to consider it he started requesting for opportunities to cheat on me. I immediately told him that this was the reason why I refused to do it before.

    Again, he blamed me for things not working out.

    I was addicted to him that I allowed myself to tolerate so much BS. I allowed him to convince me to trust him and forgive time after time. I started feeling like if I forgave him or gave him the space that he wanted that he was going to love again like he did before. I wanted him to be the man that I fell in love with when we first started dating. But now I know that "guy" never existed. It was an image he created and played the role so well. But after we moved in together, he no longer had the space to live a double life. He struggled with having to be honest with me with who he really was and struggled even more to maintain this false image of who he pretended to be when we first started.

    But the more I forgave him, the more he mistreated me. The more I tolerated his inappropriate behavior, the more he lied and manipulated me. The more I gave him, the more he took from me.

    All to say that after 5 years committed to this guy, I lost so much of myself as an individual.

    Right now I have so much anger towards him. He cheated on me for 5 years and blamed me for it. He told me that I failed to make him happy. What pisses me off the most is that now that we are separated he has a new job, appears to be happy, and flirting with multiple girls all at once. He's loving his "bachelor" life.

    Now I'm left with nothing and have to rebuild everything.
  • Kat  - Is he a narc? Am I one too?
    I have been suspicious of my bf’s behavior and I bought some books to read about it about 6 months ago and actually used it on him like some of the postings to take control. It has actually helped me deal with him until about a week ago. Well, here goes, my bf has a 5 year old daughter with his ex-wife. He is obsessed with working out and keeps trying to get into special op programs, but has failed. Now he is getting out of the military and trying to find jobs that are “bad ass” he likes secret clearance jobs as if he just feels so special. He was deployed and picked a fight with me. I used some lines from the narc book I bought stating “this is hurting our relationship” instead of my usual, “why are you twisting everything”. It actually worked. As the book suggested, don’t blame anyone (even though it is his fault) talk about the actions hurt OUR relationship and responsibilities we BOTH have in keeping this relationship together. It totally worked. When he started picking on me about picking up the house (even though he and his daughter made all the mess) instead of being defensive I would challenge him back and say, “we both need to pick up, all 3 of us are making this mess” I redirect it to all of us. Although I know it’s his crazy ass not wanting to pick up after his own daughter. Yeesh, but learning to communicate this way was cumbersome and not being able to speak my mind and confirm my logic was getting to me. Eventually I exploded 2 weekends ago. He wants sex all the time. He is happy when its 4 times a day (very tiring). It is beginning to be a chore and I fake it just to get it over with. I don’t even enjoy having sex with him anymore. It’s like he turns into this lustful person and moves kind of gay like. He moves his body and acts really sensual, to me it’s not very manly and totally turns me off. He wasn’t like this before. Just two days ago he fell asleep on the couch I left him there and crept away slowly to bed. Happy that I didn’t have to “give it up”. He now complains that I don’t wake him up anymore. I think he is beginning to know that I don’t care if he sleeps in bed with me or not. When I got home after work at 6pm, he wanted it right away, so we did. Then before bed at 11pm, he wanted it again. I told him I was tired and pretended to fall asleep. His eyes got cold and he laid very still in bed. About 5 minutes later, he got up and went to sleep on the couch. He always gets up to sleep on the couch. I used to hate it and think this relationship was crazy, but now I like that he sleeps on the couch, so I can have some peace and quiet. I think I am beginning to “wake up” and distancing my mental and physical self away from him. In the morning, he went to work without kissing me goodbye. I acted like everything was fine. Usually he wants to text constantly while we were at work, but I didn’t. I didn’t text him until almost 11 a.m. and it was just a joke nothing affectionate. I wanted to see how he would act. I didn’t hear from him for quite some time (I am guessing he was being vengeful). Then he text me and it was mirroring my text with a joke. Then when I got off work I called him and he didn’t pick up. I left a message, but didn’t say, “Love you” at the end of my message. He usually complains if I don’t. He didn’t return my call. I thought maybe something was wrong, so I called again 30 minutes later, but didn’t leave a message (although I usually do). He called and I didn’t pick up. He mirrored me and did not leave a message. Finally I talk to him and he was distant, and at the end of the conversation I say, “Love you” and he doesn’t say anything. He took note of me not saying it on the message I left for him earlier. I planned the whole thing and he did everything I think a narc would do. This all came about from a big fight we had 2 weekends ago. I like natural cures and have been trying to balance my hormones. When we woke up Saturday morning, had sex, then as I was lying in bed and he was up going through his laundry I mentioned I had bought some progesterone cream and started talking about estrogen and mood swings, etc He got really quiet with me. He went to the shower and distanced himself from me. I naturally noticed and about 5 minutes later went and asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. So as we got ready, I kept my distant because I didn’t want to argue with him and ruin my weekend so I just stayed happy and out of his way. Since we were picking up his daughter to go to sea world I was excited to spend the day with her. I have been really good with his daughter and treat her like my own as much as she would let me ;P So we get in the car and he is cordial, but very quiet. I know something is bothering him, but I don’t ask him, because I already did at the shower and it didn’t want the day to be ruined. So we arrive at to pick his daughter and she is in the car and he act very affectionate with her. He usually does that when we are fighting. I hate it, because he always puts his daughter in the middle and I have to tell him to quit yelling while his daughter is around. She actually comes to me when not him. It is so sad. So then I try to talk and he doesn’t respond so I become quiet during the car ride and then he asks if I am ok. I say I am fine and ask him if he is fine he says he is fine. Then more silence. His daughter starts to talk to me and she’s excited, but I now become quiet and feel angry inside. He asked if I’m ok and I say again I’m ok and if he’s ok then he starts up and says, “I don’t want you talking about hormones and crap while we are having sex. It ruins the moment”. I didn’t even do that. I spoke about it after we had sex. He had already stood up going through his laundry. It was a lie and so I instead of using the fake communication skills I learned from my narc book, I just started going on that it was not true and that he knows I like natural cures and I like discussing it. He all of sudden said he can’t spend the day with me because of the way I was acting and proceeded to exit the highway saying he was turning the car around. At that moment, he made me feel like a small child and not the true woman that I was, but I was still trying to make it work and save the day, I said why turn the car around I am just speaking my mind and saying was it true. He proceeded to exit. I knew my parent’s house was about 5 minutes away, so I said, just drop me off at my parents’ house. I will go where people appreciate me and respects me. I was very upset that he would overreact like this. I proceeded to just mouth off to him saying I was tired of his bs, etc. As he arrived at the front of my parent’s house, and as I got out he said, “You wanted to come here”. I said, “You took me here”. I went inside the house and somehow forgot my cellphone. I used my parent’s phone to call my sister to pick me up and drop me home. After 5 minutes he showed up at my parents house with his daughter. I didn’t want him there at all. He handed me my cellphone and I took it and ignored him. He said he came here to say he was wrong. I said it wasn’t about being right or wrong it was about fairness and respect. I told him to leave and so he left. My sister picked me up and I spilled the beans. She had no idea about how odd and strange our relationship was. I kept saying I didn’t know what to do. I went home and he was there. I said we needed to sit down and talk. He apologized and asked if I wanted him to leave. He was playing the guilt trip. I felt bad and want this to work out so I set boundaries and told him I will stay in this relationship if and listed out the boundaries and he agreed. So a week went by and this last weekend was so hard not to fight. He got into his mood on Sunday, after Saturday was a lovely day. But he got grumpy and started being quiet. I hate it when he gets moody, but I went into another room and left him alone and watched a movie. I did everything I could not to get into an argument. On Sunday night he said, we had our first weekend without fighting. OMG, it was because I made sure we didn’t’ fight. He tried instigating but I removed myself from the “game”. He was upset on Monday that I didn’t want to have sex before bed, although we had sex earlier that day. Monday he said, I’m not the kind of guy that one time a day kind of guy. I don’t know how long I can take it. I want this to work, but I know the next time he instigates a fight I’m gonna call it quiets. We’ve been together for almost 3 years. I’m financially set and can move in with my parents until I get myself back together, but he will have to struggle I think that’s why I try to keep it together, because I feel sorry for him. It’s so stupid. I guess I am addicted to the narc. Am I a narc too? Can you guys give me some feedback I’m confused and frustrated with this whole thing. Thanks.
  • cathy
    Its not u its him I'm struggling with something that sounds almost I dentical trying to get out of my hellish relationship right now u deserve better try your best to become free
  • Amy  - stay strong
    June, Stay strong. You can do this. Good luck.
  • June  - Strength
    Hi, I'm hoping that this is the week that my life will change. I plan to tell my narcissist husband this weekend that our marriage is over. I have made arrangements with my solicitor and have barring papers ready to sign and I also have the police informed. My family and close friends will be on standby if I need them. My children will be out of the house too. So why do I feel so anxious about it after all I have put up with 10 years of verbal, mental and occasional physical abuse. For the first 8 years he drank heavily until he gave me a black eye at my brothers wedding, and he even blamed other people for getting him mad by saying things about me as an excuse!! About 9/10 months ago I decided that I had enough of his behaviour and just before Christmas I told him that I wanted a separation. This came as a big shock to him. My best friends who have known me for over 20 years had expressed concerns to me about my happiness and the fact that they had lost ME! This was a real eye opener as I was so conditioned to his behaviour I thought it was normal. I always put the red flags to the back of my mind!! After Christmas we went to couples concelling and he was not very pleased when he was told that our relationship was 20/80 level where he holds the 80% share. After 4 sessions and when he started to question her qualifications she felt that the sessions were making the situation worse for me as he would interrogate me on the way home about what was talked about!!
    So even though for the last 2 weeks he has been behaving himself, I still can't live with his outbursts. He said only yesterday "isn't it great that I'm in a good mood for the last few weeks" , as if he needed a gold medal for it, but I know that it won't last. I have other obstacles to overcome, like his 85 year old mother living with us, and she has already started the ball rolling, accusing me of having an affair and of been depressed. Sad really as I nursed her back to good health and he son even verbally abused her on occasion.
    But I feel ready now and even though the children love their daddy I hope they will understand why I'm doing this , they are 3 and 9. They have never met their real mother:-(. He has threatened that there would be dire consequences if I were to leave the marriage, but the risk will be worth it, I know and I hope I have the safety measures in place. Sorry this is so long, wish me luck and I pray for all that extra strength to come to me, something he has never seen before:-)
  • Ms. Too Much Patience--- Til N  - DONT THINK HE CAN EVER CHANGE
    I dated a N for 2 1/2 yrs.
    He was adorable, oh so charming, always said the perfect thing.. A bachelor his entire life until he asked to marry me at 55 yrs. old. He looks like a young cute boy, was so funny charming, sexy, etc. and totally charmed me. I kept saying to myself then that it was so special but almost 'didn't feel real'(because he seemed too good to be true). I should have trusted my instinct then).

    I never even expected him to propose and never pushed it, but he wanted me to live with him and I wanted more, since he didn't really have a track record. I would have been happy with a 'cracker jack' ring, but he chose to propose and said he was so sure.

    Anyway, HE CHANGED AS SOON AS WE MARRIED, and I lived on a 'roller coaster', with good times, that kept me sucked in, but more bad times... he was distant, resentful, degraded everything I did, did not care what I thought, never could say "I'm sorry" or have the capacity of empathy. It was all about HIM. Turned out he would TOTALLY LIE TO MY FACE about his old girlfriend, who HE CONTINUED HIS AFFAIR THOUGHOUT OUR ENTIRE 2 1/2 YR. MARRIAGE. I found out and gave him way too many chances... and we went to couples therapy and he was also in individual therapy, for over a year. He even lied through the therapy, oftentimes. When busted, he just wanted to walk out of the room. He could not handle looking at his own behavior and himself. I kept wanting it to work and saying over and over to myself that as long as he is trying to get help, I will stay. That was my mistake...

    BOTTOM LINE: He was diagnosed as being a Narcissist and Psychopath. He would have many temper tantrums about nothing, emotionally abuse me, continuously lie to my face, and then be cute and charming the next minute. I FINALLY LEFT HIM 2 MO. AGO, and it is still challenging for me because I keep remembering the good times, and he keeps begging me to come back and saying he will change. The therapist says IF HE CAN CHANGE, IT WILL TAKE YEARS, (if at all). I wont talk to him, only text and I need to stop that as I am getting too hooked in. It is hard to shut him out of my heart, but I know I need to. And now, of course, he sees it is hard for him to loose me, he runs to the other woman. He needs a constant supply of love and attention from wherever he can get it, yet he's still trying to get me back, saying he loves me and needs me. I CANNOT PUT MYSELF BACK IN THAT PAIN AGAIN, AND FOUND OUT HE HAS DONT THIS WITH EVERY RELATIONSHIP HE HAS HAD HIS ENTIRE ADULT LIFE. He says it is because ABANDONMENT AND SELF EXTEEM ISSUES, AND BEING EMOTIONALLY PUT DOWN BY HIS FATHER. HE IS AN INJURED LITTLE BOY WITH A LOT OF ANGER ISSUES. And sympathetic as I am, I now realize I DESERVE MORE, and to be with a man, not an injured 'child' and pathological liar. I have never been in such an unhealthy relationship, and I am surprised at myself that he still has a 'hold' on my heart, but I am trying to weather the storm and move on, and know I will never move back with him again. I was told by every therapist and close friend that he is POISON. It is still a challenge, as I love the 'good parts' but know I now need to take care of myself, and protect my heart.
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