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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.
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There are ways to cope with a narcissist, if you decide to stay in a relationship with one. You may feel you do not want to face the financial burden due to the divorce or separation from a narcissistic husband or wife, or you may fear the loneliness after the break-up. Whatever the reasons are for your decision to stay in a relationship with a narcissist or a mental abuser, it must be clear to you that you can never change a narcissist. When it comes to a narcissist, a saying "what you see is what you get" is literally true.
If you decide to stay, you get Narcissist as he or she is now, the situation will never change and the things that bother you now will always be there. There might be some improvement, but the improvement requires that a narcissist first realizes that he or she has a problem. Unfortunately, only very rarely a narcissist is capable of doing this, so do not expect a miracle.
If you despite these facts decide to stay in your relationship with a narcissist or a mental abuser, here are the steps you must take in order to maintain your mental health (after reading this list, a thought that comes to mind is "who wants to live like this". But in the end we are all free to choose how to live our life, so let us not judge others without knowing their situation in detail). If you wish to leave your narcissistic partner, I recommend you to read about the methods I used to teach my mind and my brain to get rid of the "addiction" to a narcissist. Read more about this topic from the page Recovery After Cheating and Narcissism.
Forget your own wishes and dreams if you are living with a narcissist
 Do not expect a narcissist to keep promises or to be loyal to you. A narcissist may do that if it is convenient for him or her (it can be that it is often convenient for a narcissist to keep promises, especially in the beginning of the relationship. This may make it seem as if a narcissist is constantly keeping promises. But this is only an illusion. When the moment comes and a narcissist must make a choice, a narcissist will make his or her decisions based on his or her own selfish reasons. A narcissist will cheat, lie and betray without thinking of you for one second. Be aware of this, so that you will not get disappointed when cheating or some other form of betrayal occurs.
Build a strong self-esteem
Do not let your narcissistic spouse break you mentally. That is the goal of a narcissist, that is what gives a narcissist kicks, the feeling of the control over you. There are some simple tricks which can help you to teach yourself to ignore a narcissist when he or she is trying to catch you off-guard and abuse you mentally. If you are considering staying in a relationship with a narcissist you must become very strong, because you must face all obstacles in life alone, a narcissist will never be able to give you any kind of mental support.
Always remember that your narcissistic spouse is a mentally sick person
When a narcissist is cheating on you or says or does something that makes you feel bad and depressed, keep in mind that the behavior of a narcissist is not "normal" by any standards. Normal human beings would not behave like that. Read about A Narcissist as a Mental Abuser to learn how to recognize the signs of malignant narcissism and serious mental abuse. Then take a different approach towards your narcissistic husband or wife. Think of your narcissistic husband or wife as someone with permanent mental illness. Now, it is up to you to decide if you want to spend your life "taking care" of permanently sick person. Normally of course we want to stay with our beloved ones during the times of struggle such as mental illness. But in this case you will never receive any gratitude from the patient. If you decide to stay with a narcissist, do it for your own personal reasons. If you do not want to let go of certain things that you have with your narcissistic spouse, then stay with him or her, but do it because of yourself, not because of a narcissist. Do not pity a narcissist, your empathy will be wasted along with your precious life.
Be prepared for cheating
 Narcissists are often cheaters. If you decide to stay with a narcissist, be prepared to experience cheating at some point during your relationship. Narcissists do not feel remorse when they are cheating, which makes cheating very easy for them. If a narcissist is good-looking, there will be plenty of opportunities for cheating and a narcissist will not hesitate to seize the moment. If the person with whom a narcissist is cheating on you appears to be "better" than you in the eyes of a narcissist, a narcissist will leave you in a second and will switch to this new narcissistic supply. Often a narcissist also gets enjoyment and excitement out of cheating. A narcissist is constantly seeking for thrill and kicks, and secret affair is perfect for fulfilling these needs.
If you are cheating on your narcissistic spouse, a narcissist sees you as someone who is totally dishonest and evil and makes sure that you and all your friends and relatives and even strangers will know how horrible person you are. But if a narcissist is cheating on you or is having an affair, a narcissist sees nothing wrong with it. A narcissist justifies the cheating by being "in love" with the secret lover. In the mind of a narcissist love justifies everything. But if you are cheating, you are merely ruthless and dishonest, because in the mind of a narcissist it is not possible that you would love someone more than you love a narcissist, so love cannot be reason for your cheating. It is impossible to know exactly what is going on in the mind of a narcissist, but somehow a narcissist manages to twist things in such a way that if you are cheating it is wrong and a narcissist deserves all the pity in the world, but if a narcissist is cheating on you, a narcissist will always find a way to justify it, and that makes it possible for a narcissist to continue cheating. You can never trust a narcissist.
If you want to read more about some basic tricks and methods I used to teach my mind to let go of my mental "addiction" to a narcissist, please visit page Recovery After Cheating and Narcissism. There are ways to teach the brain and the mind to recover faster after facing crisis such as cheating and betrayal. Those same methods can be used to get over mentally abusive relationship with a narcissistic spouse. The quality of your everyday life will become much better if you are able to teach your mind to deal with all sorts of problems instead of letting the tragedies crush you. If you can control your emotions, it will be easier for you to decide what you wish to do with your relationship with your narcissistic partner.
To read more about narcissism and how the mind of a narcissist works, go to section Narcissism. To read personal stories of life with a narcissistic spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse. To read about cheating and how the mind of a cheater works, go to section Cheating and Infidelity. To read personal stories of life with a cheating spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Cheating and Infidelity. If you wish, you can read more about the content of this website and about my background from page Site Overview or go to other sections by clicking Main Menu links (left bar).
- Maria
If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, send me email to
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