How to Detach from a Narcissist

|2012-02-02 09:53:36 Deborah - Not sure was I with a narcissist?

I have been separated from my partner for just over a year now and yet still not over him... he occupies my thoughts nearly all the time with questions why? I dont believe he ever cheated....but when I had emotions just could not cope and got really angry or tried to make me change. On the first date he took me to the beach and went off surfing for over an hour i had made lunch, he ate it, then went back to surf.. early on he wanted to have sex straight off .. when he had problems getting up said it was cause I was too vulnerable...and he would just fuck me up.. but told me he thought he would fall in love with me on the first date... he would often go off surfing for a long time.. rage would build in me.. or he would leave me waiting.. but then be attentive... When his father was sick with cancer borrowed my car and we drove 700 kms to see him.. when I cried on the way home he said I wasnt emotionally available for him... then got angry when i slammed back the car seat and left not contacting me for days.. he would often get angry when I didnt do wht he wanted and then give me the cut off for days... I would go into a frenzy then and fear abandonment and agree to do anything to get him back.. there is more I can write to the story... i called him today after sending emails pouring my heart out.. he told me coldly he didnt enjoy receiving my emails and so he was selective about responding .. i had written to him with news I had bought a house and thought he may care.. nothing. just an email about how he was so glad to have met two special girls.. when i cried today he said its best if we cut this short now if you are so upset.... der I just realised he doesnt love me. what a bloody idiot... my question was he a narcissistic???
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|2012-02-03 01:21:18 Sandra - To Deborah

Sounds like a narcissist to me. He certainly played with your head, and it sounds like it was all about him. How long were you with this guy?
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|2012-02-03 05:33:09 rainboweyes - To Deborah

He is definately a narcissist. His actions are so similar to most on this site, mine for sure. Any hint of emotional attachment and they run, for a while, then return when they really need you as a source. They also have a history of abandoning you for punishment... you see, they dont have sex to get closer, they use sex to get what they want, they will most certainly use it against you. Sexual issues can be common with them since they dont have empathy and dont have sex to express intimacy. They are used to sneaking around, cheating, and using sex so much that premature ejaculation and ED is very common. If you read the causes of ED one of them is frequent, non-attached sexual liasons, and having sex on the run often seems to precipitate the problems. As the old saying my grandmother used to say is so true - "the Carrot becomes the stick...the same object they lure you with they beat you with later on when they get what they want". My narcissist went out of state to get married, so that it wouldn't be announced locally, and so that the woman he was seeing at work, and me, wouldnt find out. I never knew he cheated until after the fact... and I always said 'noo hes not cheating, hes just joining these sites all over for fun...kicks.!'.I think has been repeated on here so many times....I havent counted. GET a clue, YES he is cheating. YES the worst you assume is true. Your intuition is telling you what to do, trust yourself and listen. Get away and the only way to stop the constant thoughts of him to the point of obsession common with narcissist survivors..and the reason you cant stop thinking of him is explained in depth in anything that Sam Vaknin writes. Although he cares nothing for you 'emotional' wise, he will usually keep you around as long as you provide him with some sort of service or attention. Sometimes NEGATIVE attention is good enough if they are really desperate! in other words... Call you up,or text you up, give you a little attention, F*CK with you, then watch you fall for it again and again, giving them a rush, and probably an erection. The mind games will go on and on until YOU end it, and dont be thinking you are in any way special. IF someone offered him something better, he'd abandon you again and again..only to come slinking back like a snake when that person got on to him, or he needed someone desperately. He will toy with you like a cat does a mouse, until you are hurt, bleeding and scarred forever...He wont eat you, you wish in the end, he would have.
Start thinking of you. Seek help. don't accept or initiate contact, and consider yourself lucky you moved away when you did and did not waste anymore of your precious time. Best wishes,
Rainbow eyes in Texas
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|2012-01-29 00:00:09 Roo - Need to stay strong!

Sandra thank you for your words of advice they are so valuable. Reading these posts really help. You have been very strong leaving and we all must remain open to finding real love - because this stuff isn't. I met N when I was 39 and even though wanting children wasn't a big deal for me and he knew that - he asked me to be open to it early in the relationship - and then of course completely changed his mind. I feel like he took that from me because now I'm 42 and the chances of me having a child are far more remote. Still - I can live without that.

You're right that I shouldn't make any deals - he's just making it easier for himself. I made contact with his ex recently and she told me that he is not normal and to get out - that was quite comforting.

I guess the best thing we can all do it to take after ourselves and be true to ourselves. No one deserves this one-sided, manipulative love. I wish I had worked him out sooner - he had me convinced many times that all the problems were me. When I finally worked him out I confronted him more and more and he couldn't handle it and would go into these rages. It just gets more frustrating because it's like they can't see what they do and justify everything. It's soooo emotionally draining.

Although only 3.5 years, he has certainly damaged my soul and self-esteem. These Ns seem to sap you dry. And his negativity with life (as if he had been dealt the worst hand) was so depressing.

Fortunately I have lots of great friends and family to support me through this next stage. But I just need to gather all my courage (as gutted as I feel inside) and do this for me. Show him indifference and hopefully get him out of my head.

Why do so many of us hang on to these horrible people? What gives them the right?

Sorry - I'm angry about Ns.

R
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|2012-02-03 05:55:38 Baby - roo. & others: The Narcissist is Dead

Roo, you have him figured out. The reason why we hang on to these people is they are so much like a drug to our brains. Pretend that you are in a play, and in that play you have a lover, one who seems to know your thoughts and dreams and be perfect for you. Everything he says is exactly what you would want him to say, what YOU would say. But... you think you are in love with your co-star adn when you are in person, and you know who he really is..you are able to discern the person you really fell in love with was the actor, playing a part. He was reading a script. He was performing for you. That is exactly what the narcissist does to every person in his/her life. He plays the role that THAT person WANTS or EXPECTS him to want. He mirrors the good parts of that person, so that she/he thinks WOW this person is so much like me, we are so in common! He takes information you give innocently, and uses it later to further mesh you into his 'character'. They present a false self to everyone, to get what it is they need from that person, be it business, or pleasure, family or foe, his roles are played to perfection. For every circumstance, he knows how to act appropriately to maintain his source, special care is taken not to reveal his real persona, which is a lie, ugly, scared, selfish and insecure ( his emotional side never matured from the age in which his narcissistic injury occured..usally early childhood when he struggled to trust). Call him on it and he will lie like a child, he will have you believe you are crazy, or whatever you said you must have been mistaken, what you did you must have forgotten...You will look in the face of this transparent, lying, adult and think of him as a petulent child. You will wonder where this person came from, you will think youve been sleeping with the enemy. From that point on you will tell anyone who will listen what has happened to you. You will seek answers, you will go thru a learning process, finding out about narcissism, then You will suffer a huge loss, because the person you thought you loved, never existed. It is a sham of the deepest emotional betrayal. From then on you will go through the same processes of a death and grieving. If you want to heal, heal like he has died. And if you can, treat him as such, until he becomes a distant memory ( and he will, IF you continue with the NO contact rule). Read all you can. You are strong and you are very important.
peace to all. baby
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|2012-02-03 18:20:58 Sandra - Wow--very intense

Grieving as though the person has died--wow. Reading it alone makes me well up. Because truly, for all of us here, someone has indeed died. The persons we thought our narcissists were have died, and we must grieve and move on.
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|2012-01-28 22:52:26 Roo - that was my post - Roo

Ahhhh - I wish this pain would go away
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|2012-01-28 23:17:01 Sandra - It will, Roo!

The pain will go. Just give it time. Cry. Relax. Breathe. It'll slowly diminish. Go easy on yourself. You've been through the ringer.
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|2012-01-28 21:44:08 Sandra - For sleepyNOmorein SEATTLE

It's been nearly a month for me since my 13+ years of relationship to a narc ended. I am still crushed, naturally. But these feelings get more manageable. For my narc, I compartmentalized rather than isolated myself, but it still has the same effect. The compartment my narc occupied is now empty. I must give life time to fill it up again by taking a few steps myself and being patient for the return. You must do the same. Love yourself, be patient, cry, read, feel your feelings, BUT DON'T PICK UP THE PHONE. Before you know it, you won't much want to. If this guy has hurt you, OUTGUT him. Be tougher than he is, ok? Sounds like you still have some friends to connect with, and if you're in Seattle, that's a great town. There will be others. I'm in Philly, and there is plenty to do, and plenty of people like me. I am 54 years old and going through this. Recently, I've heard stories of people entering the best relationships of their lives and marrying in their 60s. Even if that doesn't happen to me, should I throw in the towel and be treated like dirt? Nor should you. You are worth far more than that--especially to yourself. Ultimately, you are all you have. I feel your pain, honey, deeply and completely. Just don't let it rule your behavior. It will pass. Sending you all the love in my heart...
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|2012-01-28 20:31:06 sleepyNOmorein SEATTLE - praying for strength

Because i have isolated myself because of this relationship, i am finding myself lonely and missing him. This web site reenforces and reminds meh of all the horrible things he has done. How he disregards my well being and love for him - so trying hard to the no contact thing. I have to turn my phone off to stop myself from calling and have went out with friends but still crushed and broken inside. Wish i could push Fast Forward ugh....
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|2012-01-28 07:57:47 Roo - I just want to let go

Hi everyone....I have been with a narcissist for 3.5 years and living him for two years. I thought I'd met the perfect man but I chose to ignore all the red flags. So self-absorbed and at times quite vacant. We recently agreed to part ways - I'm hoping to move out soon but he's almost acting like we're still together and being quite nice at the moment - I just don't want to be lured back in as I know it's all fake. It's just so emotionally draining being on such a roller coaster ride.

I worry there are parts of me that still hope he'll see the light and change but I know deep down he never will - N's don't.

The sex in the beginning was pretty good but then I slowly strted feeling like and object and when that happened I lost my ability to have an orgasm - which has never been a problem for me. I thought it was me just getting older etc. Late last year he confessed (and I had suspected) that he had been masturbating to porn. He should some remorse but it was very short lived - it was almost like he was trying to blame me for the addiction. He promised to stop and continues to say he hasn't - but why should I believe it? He's since said a few times that lots of guys do it - but then I pointed out that it affected his performance in bed - premature ejaculation big time.

Anyway, I just need the strength to let him go completely. He has suggested that after a short time apart we might want to start the relationship again but in different places.I can't let myself be in that position. I know there will be pain but time will heal the wounds and I'm sure I'll find myself again, get back my self-esteem and start living a happy life.

Rena
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|2012-01-28 18:02:20 Sandra - Don't walk, Roo. Run to the nearest exit.

Roo--Your story is not too bad--yet! I was with a narc for more than 13 years. Not married. You never know what game is going to well up with these people. So what your relationship looks like now might NOT be what it is five years. Without serious professional help, your boyfriend's behavior will decline. Believe me 3.5 years seems like it's a while, but it looks good to me. You'll kick yourself in the butt ten years down the road.

I am one month out of my relationship. From that vantage point, I see things about us that were pernicious and that I haven't seen before. You think I would be devastated, and I was, maybe still am a little bit, but there's this pressure or presence that has been lifed. And I realize now that I can never go back--that's after 13 years. I realize that it wasn't really love. It was something, but not that.

If I can do this after 13 years, and I am 54 years old, you can do it after 3.5. I have met people who have found true love FINALLY in their 60s and got married. It's never too late to make that choice if we so desire. Don't take any deals of seeing him from different places. What is love, if not increasing connection, not decreasing connection? This will give him even more time to beat-off. After that, it'll be the next thing. My boyfriend had a perfectly harmless habit of putting up multiple profiles on dating sites--just for yucks. I turned into a spy. I don't think he actually cheated, as I had no evidence thereof. But when was this harmless little habit going to turn into a meet-up for coffee and then sex, and then maybe an STD for me. It gets worse with these people if we enable them.

Leave fully while you still have hope and sanity. In a month or two, you'll realize that while you had a connection with your boyfriend, it was not one of true love, intimacy, support. It was not full enough to sustain you in any real way. YOUR NEEDS MUST BE MET, TOO. Good luck.
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|2012-01-28 18:04:57 Sandra - More to Roo

You'll miss him, Roo. I am not saying that you won't. But in less time than you think, you'll be able to manage those feelings. You'll be amazed at how well you'll manage. Again, my best wishes.
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|2012-01-24 17:56:20 sleepy NO more in seattle - same dna

this web site has been so helpful. i am trying really hard to have no contact - might get restraining order. i also was told to get over it - i can not but will move on.us
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|2012-01-28 22:50:44 Anonymous - Trying to remain strong

Sandra thank you for your words of advice they are so valuable. Reading these posts really help. You have been very strong leaving and we all must remain open to finding real love - because this stuff isn't. I met N when I was 39 and even though wanting children wasn't a big deal for me and he knew that - he asked me to be open to it early in the relationship - and then of course completely changed his mind. I feel like he took that from me because now I'm 42 and the chances of me having a child are far more remote. Still - I can live without that.

You're right that I shouldn't make any deals - he's just making it easier for himself. I made contact with his ex recently and she told me that he is not normal and to get out - that was quite comforting.

I guess the best thing we can all do it to take after ourselves and be true to ourselves. No one deserves this one-sided, manipulative love. I wish I had worked him out sooner - he had me convinced many times that all the problems were me. When I finally worked him out I confronted him more and more and he couldn't handle it and would go into these rages. It just gets more frustrating because it's like they can't see what they do and justify everything. It's soooo emotionally draining.

Although only 3.5 years, he has certainly damaged my soul and self-esteem. These Ns seem to sap you dry. And his negativity with life (as if he had been dealt the worst hand) was so depressing.

Fortunately I have lots of great friends and family to support me through this next stage. But I just need to gather all my courage (as gutted as I feel inside) and do this for me. Show him indifference and hopefully get him out of my head.

Why do so many of us hang on to these horrible people? What gives them the right?

Sorry - I'm angry about Ns.

R
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|2012-01-28 23:14:54 Sandra - For Roo---

I know you want the pain to go away. Cry your eyeballs dry, but don't go back to that guy. My boyfriend had that narcissistic rage thing, too. He once iced me out for two months, as I begged for his return. No mercy. So we must be merciful to ourselves. Don't worry about having or not having kids now. There are plenty of other things in life besides kids, which you already know. We're fortunate to live in a time when we don't have to be defined by such things. Kids aren't the be-all and end-all anyway. You don't know how they're going to turn. They can become druggies or, God forbid, narcissists. And that will break your heart 20 years from now. Of course, kids can be wonderful, too. The point is to focus on you, you, you now. Take care of yourself as if you were your own sweet child, ok? I'm trying, too, like you are. It's only just in the past several days that some small shift has occurred that promises more such positive movement. Still, it's amazing. So many of us walking around with these poor broken hearts. Everywhere, every day of the week. It's a wonder anything at all gets done in the world. God bless you honey. You will succeed. Btw, I'm pissed, too, extremely pissed at this a-hole I've been with. Day by day. It'll all go away--for all of us.
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|2012-01-29 03:05:44 Roo - Angry with myself now

Sandra - thank you, your words are so helpful. I think I'm just feeling weak today. He just sat down with me and said I'm all there is for me but wants to continue the relationship in different abodes as we get on top of each other in the unit (true and he works from home). He asked if I had another love interest and whether I was looking for a way out. Maybe that's based on me withdrawing over the last month.

It's so crazy because that conversation lifted some pain in my heart - but it's wrong to think that way because I'm not showing any respect to myself. Why am I being so weak - I felt much stronger a week or so ago. Did you go through that - when you were going through the process of wanting to go and take care of yourself?

You seem so strong and to be doing so well - I'm getting inspiration from you.

I know he's just thinking of himself - that's all Ns do

R
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|2012-01-16 18:37:57 mad at myself - ugh............

i was in a relationship with a man that i think was an N for the past 10 yrs. I am so embarassed at what has happened to me.
My therapist thinks he is an N but I am not 100% sure. All I know is that the pain is unbelieveable. We were together for 10 yrs, off and on and of course, I always took him back after cheating. I was ALWAYS there for him, no matter what. About 4 months ago, he stopped allowing me to come over his house. I had no idea why, he made excuses, etc. Anyway, come to find out, he started seeing someone in March or April (I had no idea) and then he moved her into his apartment in Sept. I had no idea. We had been talking for years about moving in together,etc. He moved her in after a few months (i think they knew each other longer than that but apparently didn't start dating until March or April) but anyway, he lives with his kids so after years of making me work so hard to be around his kids he moved this woman in without a thought. They are all over social networking sites together (which he would never do with me) and apparently they share their lives.
Anyway, my question is- is he really an N or is having the relationship I always wanted with her? Oh, i must mention that before I found out about her, he continued to sleep with me even though he was living with her, he was just careful to always go home. He treated me with so little respect, its as if I was disposable to him. I am disgusted but keep going back for more.
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|2012-01-16 22:28:43 Rainbow - Mad at yourself .. And everyone dont forget to mar

Dear Mad: You didnt hit notify which seems to be a problem on this site as people are unaware they wont be reminded to view posts on here and replys but, What more evidence would you need to let you know he's a narc? Would a normal,loving man treat you in this respect? ALMOST ALL of the scenarios you mentioned - cheating, covert/mysterious behavior, being out of pocket, marrying OR being engaged or LIVING with someone without hipping you to it...having cake and eating it to, have ALL been repeated over and over on these sites and others, and as most people have said, they end up thinking anyone of these letters could be written by THEM...! The behavior is the same, only the circumstances are different. They dont vary that much, although sometimes violence is seen But usually these men( women ) are abusive emotionally. They love to frustrate women, and leave them both scratching their heads, and begging for more, and most of the women that allow it are strong healthy women, most of whom are baffled they would ever allow such treatment. I truly believe these women do, like the book says, "Love too much". All my behavior of accepting him back over and over had to do with the fact that I, UNLIKE HIM, had a normal natural love for HIM. It was very hard for me to believe ( since MOST of the time he let me to believe it) that he didnt think the same of me. What they say is one thing though, their actions say different. It is always said look at what a narcissist does, not as he says. One common denominator in all these women's ( and men's) stories though is always PAIN. The hurt is immeasurable. Devastated is a reasonable term. It is emotional blackmail at its finest. Move on in whatever means you can. Take control of yourlife. Forgive him and forget him. Dont take it personally, they treat everyone with equal disrespect. regarding the comment of did he always want her and get what he wanted...? They always get what they want. That goes along with his great sense of entitlement. Dont question whether he is or isnt, in fact, stop thinking about him with regards to anything. YOU are the most important thing. Good luck in healing and moving on.
rainbow eyes.
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|2012-01-17 15:47:15 Sandra - I am so sorry for your pain...

We put up with a lot for love. We do and we should--except with people who treat the gift of love like toilet paper. You need to recover, and it will take a while. You need to take care of you. Like you, I have ended a 13-year relationship with a man who regularly put up websites looking for women. I don't think he actually cheated--yet. While on vacation, we got a call from Connections Dating Service in Washington DC. I mean, c'mon. Is this respect and love? Still he thinks I am 100% wrong in my accusations. Your ex is the same. Who does this sort of thing? Who uses someone as he has done you? My heart goes out to you and your great pain. We think we can't recover, but we will. You will. I send you my love...
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|2012-01-10 01:25:11 Allie - makes sense now

A year ago I met a guy in a chatroom...I had always gone in them with friends because, well, its funny. I started talking to this guy, he said he was separated and had been for two months. He seemed nice, wasn't a pervert, and so I gave him my email. He contacted me every day and at first I didn't talk to him often, but I was going through a hard time and talking to him took me away from my problems. Eventually we started talking every day...pretty much all day. He would listen to and remember everything I would say to him, it was so nice...I had never met a guy like him. He told me him and his wife would fight all of the time,she wasn't affectionate,she has mental problems,he said they would fight and she would leave for a week or more, and he married her because he thought she would change and grow up. He told me they had been married almost three years, I later found out they hadn't been married for two years when we started talking. I told him from the beginning I didn't want to get hurt, I don't trust ppl easily, and if this was just a sexual thing that was fine but I wanted to know because I didn't want to get hurt...he repeatedly told me he thought this could be more than just sex. The more I started liking him and let him know, the more he seemed to move away from me. Any time we argued he put all the blame on me, if I called him out when he lied, he would make me believe I was crazy. He was always asking if I was dating someone else, he expected me to just be his...yet he was still married. It's a long story...too long to go through it all, so ill shorten it... He told me after four months him and his wife were trying to work it out, but he couldn't imagine not talking to me. I ended up telling his wife...he hurt me and did exactly what I had asked him not to. I talked with her and she said they weren't separated at the time we met, but they had separated for a month during the six months he and I were talking. She told me it was all my fault...I made him cheat and he had her convinced I was crazy. He told her he had a void she wasn't filling, and told me I made him cheat. The last thing his wife said to me was, if he contacts you again, please don't talk to him. I've had a hard time letting him go, and couldn't figure out why and it was weird reading this because at one point I told him he was like a drug to me. I still think he has such amazing qualities... Our year "anniversary" was in Oct and he emailed me and let me know he remembered...and told me how crappy I am. He and his wife were separated, but he kept begging for her back and trying to be Mr perfect to her family. His wife is now pregnant, they separated for a couple months but are now back together. He had once told me...maybe if she had a baby she would change. Idk if he is a narcissist, but reading about them, it seemed someone was writing about him. I just couldn't figure out why he was still in my head, but this article helped. Oh, and he told me he had cheated before marriage and one other time during.
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|2012-01-11 03:31:59 rainboweyes - Allie

Allie:
There is no need to wonder, your friend IS a narcissist. He cheated to be with you, he cheats on you. Best way to get him out of your head is no contact with him. Get help. Read all you can. Focus on YOU, and people that are true and honest, not DECEPTIVE< and DRAMA-FILLED>
Good luck! This site is very helpful ..read all you can.. the stories are written over and over. These NARCISSISTS are very predictable.
The treatment is the same. Only the circumstances are different< profoud and true. They are emotionally handicapped and dangerous. Unfortunately, you cannot help them as they dont want help, nor do they think they need it. They CANNOT love, as soon as you dont have anything to offer them, or you are on to them, they bolt.... with no remorse or regret. You are completely replaceable, just like his wife was. Sadly, it is a very grim situation to be with them.
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|2012-01-11 20:12:56 allie - thank you

Thank you for your response. I have been beating myself up for telling his wife and I have felt guilty. I have even apologized to him and I felt good about everything, I stopped contact for over a month, then he contacted me on what would have been our first anniversary...all the feelings came back. The sad thing is, I knew through the whole relationship there was something not quite right about him but he knew exactly what to do and say. I always called him out when he was lying and pushed it til he wouldn't talk to me for awhile...I think I may have been the only one who's ever called him out. its hard to let go of the "good" things about him. I'm glad I found this, he had me convinced it was all me. It irritates me to no end that such a horrible person is married, having a baby, and seemingly happy...he doesn't deserve it...as horrible as that sounds.
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|2012-01-11 20:19:20 allie

He says bad things about his wife, they fight all of the time, yet when she leaves he begs for her back. He also does nice things for her family while they're separated...that has always been weird to me, is that something narcissists do? I think as long as he leaves me alone, I will be able to leave him alone.
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|2012-01-09 02:32:43 peggy - when does it all end?

I have been seperated from my ex N for 14 years very happy with partner and 11 year old daughter boy what a treat it was finding a real man.on our second date he asked me what MY opinion was on somwthing.10years with my ex and he never asked me that.my partner and i datedd for 1 and half years before we moved in together where as with my ex N he moved into my house when i was at work.we had knon eachother a month and hadnt had sex he kept banging on about how i was the one he dreamed about ant it was true love and we were now one person.i was 19 he was 33.time went by ihad 2 kids within first two yearsand he nevver worked. he was always home and i was miserable.my personality changed .i began to nag and become aggressive towards him.i went bac to work despite him opposing it and went out with friends.his hatred grew and he began to play the kids and family against me telling awful lies and making out i was crazy and paranoid when i challenged him.i had a couple of one nite stands in my desperation to find some happiness then told him feeling guilty of course i ended up playing into his hands.then instead of remaong silent i began to open up to friends about my home life and discovered that they to thought he was a total creep and many people had wanted to physically hurt him 4 things he had done but refrained out of respect 4 me.o found strength in taking charge of my own shit apologising to him for anything i had done wrong in relationship,of course he didnt return sentiment,then i left.i was very difficult rekids because he used them to perpetuate lies he stalked me and tried to make my life a misery.i kept my job played music and began to become the person i always was meant to be.he sexually abused our daughter and in court says it was hers and my fualt and he puts our son on high pedistal.i wish i had strength after seperation to take him to court over custody he took son away and i had very little access however i have not manipulated or played games woth his mind unlike his father so heres hoping? Anyway to this day he still tries to make contact via family.i have not had conversation with him 4 5 years.he occasionally sends letter highly manipulative.his writings are like that of a cult leader and sometes threatening.he will contact my mother and suck her in with charm then settle in to tell her the most azing lies about me.he stalks and threatens our daughter as soon as the avo runs out before another one is slapped on him.he now travels more usually to sell drugs and gets nearer to us.our son is now 21 and even tho he till lives with him he is finally now beginning to have a life and he and i are in contact and he with my family.the ex is contactingthem how they should behave towards our son.i fear he is getting more dsperate because hes losing control and his life is shit and does that mean he will be unpredictable again .when does it all end?
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