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Dear Friend,
Everyone has experienced jealousy at some point in their lives. Small amount of jealousy is completely normal and acceptable, it is a sign that you really care for your beloved one. However, excessive jealousy can severely harm both parties in a relationship and eventually even destroy the relationship. Sometimes jealous feelings can turn life into an endless misery, preventing one from enjoying even the smallest moments of happiness.
The chain of thoughts goes like this: You think your beloved one is keeping something from you or is doing something behind your back. The trigger for this feeling can vary. It can arise without any apparent reason or you may hear something concrete that makes you realize that your partner is not being completely honest with you (for example if you hear your partner has been cheating on you).
Next thing you do is you start to dig in to find out what your spouse is hiding from you. You start to do things you never thought you would do. You may go through your spouse's cell phone to see with whom your spouse has been in contact, you may check your spouse's email account, wallet etc. You might gain a momentary relief if you do not find anything suspicious, but after a while the uneasy feeling returns. You tell to yourself that the fact that you did not find out anything suspicious this time does not mean your spouse did not do anything. Your husband or wife may just have deleted messages he or she does not want you to see. As you can see, there is no end to this kind of thinking, you can never be completely certain that nothing is going on behind your back. Excessively jealous spouse is observing every move the partner makes and often one sees what one wants to see, in this case a "proof" or traces of dishonesty and betrayal.
Is there something that can be done to break this vicious cycle? Fortunately, the answer is yes. However, the road is not easy. Jealousy is a personality trait and one cannot turn into a different person overnight. There is a saying "we are what we eat". There may not be that much (literal) truth in this, but another saying is much more to the point: "We are what we think". This small principle, when used correctly, can be more powerful weapon than you could imagine.
The way out of the cycle of jealousy
- Maria
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Whatever the trigger for your suspicions is, from the moment you start to have these thoughts the process that leads to an ever-growing bad feeling has begun. You start to feel insecure and uncertain about yourself. Your suspicions may even make you feel sick in your stomach. This kind of a physiological reaction is a typical sign of fear, in this case the fear of loosing the person you love. It is extremely unpleasant feeling and prevents you from enjoying your life with your Significant Other, even if things are otherwise more or less in order in your relationship.