Being cheated on feels like the ground beneath your feet has disappeared, and you are free falling....into an a dark black hole. The fear, anxiety and depression turn you into someone you do not recognize....you are screaming inside your head all the time....afraid that you are dying.....afraid that you want to die........wanting to hurt the other woman....knocking the ground out from under HER feet as well....wanting revenge...wanting the two of them to hurt as badly as you hurt.....wanting to feel better........waiting for the hate to go away.

I think most of us on this site have been hurt deeply by the one(s) who are supposed to love us. You didn't do anything to deserve the hurt and betrayal. At the time I went through the recovery phase it was hard to realize that the betrayal was not done to me. My husband betrayed himself and an unfortunate and devastating side effect was the effect his self betrayal had on me. His actions impacted me but were not done to me. Your husband is thoughtless, selfish, childish, and frankly a very bad role model for your children. You are mourning the death of the relationship of trust you thought you had. I think you and your son need counseling...both individual and family counseling. Your job right now is to show your children that although it is difficult, you can work through this time of darkness and come out stronger. Your children need to watch your successful process to a better emotional place so they can learn how to handle hurt and loss in their future.

Dr. Janis A. Spring wrote some good books that might help. "How Can I Forgive You?" and "After The Affair." They won't help immediately but they will give you something to think about and slowly put into practice in your life.

You are worth the effort no matter what you think about yourself right now. You are not at fault for what happened no matter what he says.

Don't say goodbye. Just say I need help!

i feel lik king the world apart taking on everyone for ever hurt he ever did to me, i cant take this any more it hurts to bad i jsut want to disappear and never come back. why would you do this to me i just dont understand i cant concentrate anymore and my mind wont shut down, the love of my life hurt me beyond repair im so damaged i dont want to go on. my life isnt worth anything anymore and im so tired of crying over him for what he has done to me and my family, my son is starting to blame me. its always my fault i failed everyone im so sorry i apologize for whatever i did goodbye

ive been going through the emotions trying to work on me. trying to figure out what i did that was so bad that he would do this to me and our family. Loving him for 18yrs being married for 10 and come to find out he has been cheating on me for almost 4 years.i was told 3 1/2 years ago that he was seeing someone from his job and they were in a sexual relationship, i confronted him he denied it i believed him. i just dont understand what did i do so bad that would make him want to hurt me like this. so selfish if he wasnt happy he could of left. he could of told me. we tried to work on our marriage come to find out we were all working on it me and my husband and our marriage and him and his older lady that he was having the affair with. why would you do that. i told him to choose he said he chose me and our family next thing i know i find him at her house at 3-5 am i called him pissed as can be i called her telling her to put my husband on the phone she said she wasnt seeing him anymore she was seeing someone else i told her put him on the phone i see his clothes keys and walled in her vehicle. he made a sound and i told her to put em on the phone she told me he didnt love me anymore and he loved her. for me to get over it. after all this we tried to work it out come to find out on dec 23, as i was getting candy canes at the store i had a feeling to go by the bar sure enough, our truck was there and as soon i get ready to drive away i see her vehicle. i parked went into the bar and seen her sitting there as soon as i walked over asked her where my husband was she quickly got on her phone. come to find out he was chicken and stayed in the restroom of course i went in quicking and screaming i then went back to the broad we became verbal and then physical. she was screaming he doesnt want me he loves her and thats why they been back together for 4 weeks. the time we were suppose to be working on our marriage he was working it out with her. im angry confused surprised hurt bitter and trying to work it out for myself. im so dont with all of this, im tired of feeling this way. he uses my son and doesnt contribute and tells me if i want anything im gonna have to take him to court. wow what happened how did we get to this. im trying to get stronger day by day but when you live in the same town you constantly are running into the other women. if anything you need to upgrade not downgrade when he decided to cheat. hey he can have the mother figured he is obviously seeking. he can continue to run from his obligations, ive been doing it on my own anyways, being father and mother to our son. why why why im moving on a day at a time and feel like i cant do it with out knowing the truth he refuses to give it to me. i asked him how many times did he cheat on my during our marriage he said why does it matter because it does matter to me. he admitted two but i can figure more than that. but im the liar im the reason he cheated. i wasnt the one who constantly was looking for something better. but it must have been a low tide for the female he replaced me with. the older much older version of his mother with a very strong mexican accent. but i cant figure out why does he want to work things out with me what happened did she dump him. im nobodies second choice. i deserve better. but tell me how long will this hurt and when will i be able to repair and heal myself is there a time frame for all this crap. making the right choices for my son, is the hardest decision for me, i know i dont ever want my son to be like his father, spoiled immature selfish and so materialistic. he needs to grow up and realize i didnt do this he did. the choices he made affects all of us. I just need to know are all men like this im hurt beyond repair, working on it but still burned.

I go through the same thing...ALL of my ex's horrible...cheating, abusive you name it i've been there. my boyfriend now is GREAT except he is very friendly with females. i do have trust issues and i have never hide that from him, but now it is affecting our relationship. we have been talking about getting married and spending our life together, but at the same time he gets upset when i give him "the 3rd degree" about going out. i dont mind that he have his time, but we are on opposite schedules and it is hard. then the attention that he gives other females...telling them that they are pretty or sexy (even). it kills me inside. i try talking to him about it but he gets tried of talking about the same thing over and over again. i feel like i am pushing him away.
but how do i get over all the years of hurt, disappointment and every other emotions and more on and have a happy health relationship????

all tht u describing is exactly how u feel. i just wished we could talk face to face cos its starting to affect me in a bad way. i'm going back on my anti depressants. he sometimes laugh it off bt last nite he told me he is starting to get cold feet and then i asked him if we had a future together. he used t tell me yes ,we talked about marriage bt now he says take one step at a time. i love him so much if only he can see it from my point. y does it hurt so bad

my ex cheated on me. now my current boyfriend is also flirting with woman on fb nd meeting them. to me its cheating even if he doesnt sleep with them. i've confronted him after i found out he is lying to me bt he always has a answer for everything. most of it doesnt make sense to me.am i being beinf unreasonable for thinking that. i dont knw if i trust him completely

look friend according to me, you have all the right in this world to get back what you give.
There are two ways you could help your cause.
1)Don't at all stand his flirtatious behavior.
2)or else you could just make him feel that you don't care if he flirts with other woman but also act of liking some other guys as in tell it to him that you like some tall guy, that you like someone's physique etc. and then if he behaves possessively aggressive then tell him that even you feel the same pain.
in other case if doesn't really care what you say about other guys then think twice on if he really is super-broad minded or he is having just another affair with you.
THANK YOU.

I am married to a man who came from a family that struggled with a member with serious mental health issues, some of them hereditary. We were married about 2 years when we were transferred away from his family. Within three months of the move, he had begun an emotional and sexual affair with a married woman at work. We were supposed to have been trying to have a baby. I would beg him to be with me but he would push me away. I tried so hard to be the person he needed me to be but the harder I tried, the more angry with me he became. In addition, the two of them (yes, I knew the woman) mentally manipulated her husband and me. He threw a surprise 35th birthday party and invited her with some other people from his work so I couldn't make a scene. None of my friends were there. We would be invited to her house for dinner but since she had two children her husband and I couldn't react. I had two nervous breakdowns. I had to have a hysterectomy before I was able to have a baby and in my mind, I will always feel that the two of them murdered my baby that never got to be. She eventually left my husband for a man who was able to give her nicer things. The affair lasted 4.5 years. He had a breakdown and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (inherited) and went on meds. Once he started to feel better, he decided the doctor was wrong about the bipolar disorder and went off his meds. It was just a family doctor, after all, not a psychiatrist who diagnosed him. Everything was OK, but not great for awhile. I constantly struggle with trust issues. He still pushes me away from intimacy. About two years ago I decided I'm not going to have sex with him again until he gets help. He has only asked me twice and was denied. He moved out of the bedroom into the guest room in the fall. He spends more and more time on the computer and has emotionally distanced himself from me again. I am convinced (without proof) that he has begun an emotional affair with a woman I work with. I don't know if she is aware that he is as serious as he is but if she is, I am very disappointed. There were some triggers this summer (his father is very ill and his parents sold the home my husband grew up in and moved into an apartment) and I think he has entered a manic phase in his bipolar illness but he denies this. He is convinced he is OK and that the things he does are what normal people do. He comes across as a very nice, mild mannered man. In reality he is a genius at playing with your mind until you think YOU'RE the one who has lost your mind. When we married, I immigrated to his country and I don't have any other family here. I could go home to my family, but there is a history of physically abusing me there. I was told I could come home but I was not to be depressed. I am worried about what might happen to me at home. My husband has never physically abused me. I am trying to rewire my brain into accepting that I don't have a traditional marriage anymore, but just a friend/roommate arrangement that is legally binding. I wonder if there are other women in my situation and if it is possible to live happily like this. I know I have to completely change my expectations but if I can do it, I am hoping I can be happy again. We will be "celebrating" our 15th wedding anniversary in March.

:love sherry there is absolutely NO excuse for him to have any interest in anyone else while he is sti with you! why do we accept this? are we there parent? don't buy into the excuses. he has no reason whatsoever to have dated anyone and make you feel that you should snoop.
keep smiling and be careful
ann

I have been married for 5 years but we have been together for almost 12 years. Recently my husband turned 31 and decided that a female friend who at one time he had dated (one week) was a love interest and he wanted to "explore" his love for this other woman. That has been almost 3 months ago. He has not slept with the woman but he has gone out on a date with her and purchased her a gift (with my money when I found out I was furious) however both claim that they never meant for things to get this bad. Both of them claim that they can't stop these feelings for one another and recently I had a long telephone conversation with her asking her where her morals were? My husband became upset when he thought she would never speak to him again and continues to say he won't leave his family. I can't trust him just last night he went to stand on the porch and I became inch high private eye trying to make sure this girl was not in town (she lives 2 hours away) I want to trust my husband again and believe his promises but seriously I don't think we will ever get back to a place where I can fully trust him again. Need some advice.