Hi Maria,

This letter is reply to Rain. Dear Rain, I also trusted someone and that person let me down. I was very much in love with this person and he told me he loved me too. Then one day I found out he had a very brief affair with another woman when I was out of town. It hurt me so badly I cannot even begin to describe the pain.
 
It was impossible for me to get romantically involved with another man when I was together with this man... I loved him so much. I could not understand how it was possible for him to get involved with another woman if he loved me (as he said he did). I took it as a proof of the fact that he did not love me as much as I loved him.
 
Having admitted this to myself (and it was very, very hard to admit it), I started to see things differently in our relationship. I realized there had been signs in the air already before, indicating he did not truly care for me as much as I cared for him. My feelings were not important to him regarding everyday small matters whereas I always took his feelings into account when making big or small decisions. I did it because I cared about him so much, that is what we do to those we love.

These realizations made it easier for me to make the decision to leave. Because he did not love me as much as I loved him in the end I lost nothing. My friends had been telling me all along that I would be happier with someone who took me and my feelings into account. Finally I realized they were right. Looking back now, I am actually glad that the affair took place. It made me realize this guy was not the right man for me. Without the affair it might have taken longer time for me to realize that.
 
You must make your own decision, but this is the fact: If you decide to stay with your husband, your relationship will be different. You cannot hold on to your illusion of "pure" love. You must become more realistic, you must accept the fact that you are not a priority to your husband, same thing can happen again. If you can accept this, you have a chance to continue your relationship.
This does not mean your husband is a bad person. After all, many people have affairs... You may find yourself having an affair one day. It can happen to anyone. But even if it happens, we must never think it is "ok" to cheat. Yes it can happen, but we must admit to ourselves it was wrong and try our best not to do it again.
 
If you see your husband is trying his best to remain faithful, I think you should give him one more chance. If you see that this was not just a single mistake (if your husband cheats you again) then leave him. You will be happier on your own.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do!

Sunny 

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Dear Sunny,

Thank you for posting your feedback. I have sent you a private response via email. Take care, Dear Friend!

- Maria

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