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Hi Maria,
Thank you for supporting me through my tough time. I would like to apologize in advance for this long email… Sorry.
My update:
He is now trying to make me feel more secure by giving me his wages every time he gets paid. He also lets me take the car to work so I am picking him up and dropping him off everyday. Whenever he sees me being quiet, he will ask me if I am unhappy … Then he will say “I will never do it again and please forget the past." (I told him i hate hearing him to tell me to forget the past because I couldn't at this stage, and he stopped.)
We are having more sex now (more than he wants it) which I am comfortable with. I really don’t know if this is because I am afraid to lose him or other reasons, but I did went online to learn more about it.
My mood swings a lot... Sometimes I feel he is forgivable but sometimes not. When I am alone, I will start crying and all of the bad images (see below) come out and I'll choose to give him up. I really don't know if I could move on because there are still so many questions in my head and I think he is telling me lies to make me feel more comfortable (see below). I believe I am currently in Phase 3 of your recovery process but i didn't experience the "honeymoon" stage. Whenever I tried to think about our happy moments, the scene of him going to see and messaging the prostitute pops up.
Should I share these feelings with him? I am trying to show him I am appreciating his hard work as he said he wants to work this out together. He said he will use his actions to show me how much he loves me and will never cheat on me again. I am trying my best to hide my emotions in front of him so I won't discourage him. Am I doing the correct thing? What am I suppose to do? I have been reading a lot of materials on how to build a successful relationship and avoid cheating. I am trying to work on it whenever I am in a right mood. It includes appreciating him more, communications, etc... Is it too early to get into it?
I read one of the cheating stories on your website called "Cheating Husband". She married a man that cheated on her but she forgave him... 4.5 years later that man cheated again. Now the woman has to consider if she is going to stay with her husband for the sake of the child or leave. I am very scared and confused now... There are 2 voices in my head, one saying "move on and we could build an even better relationship and I trust that he loves me". Another voice is saying "0nce a cheater, always a cheater".
Below is the detail of the incident of what I know and which makes me feel very uncomfortable all the time: (Click the link below to read the rest of this story).
>> CLICK HERE TO READ THE REST OF THIS STORY <<
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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.
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To read the previous message from this writer, please visit page Boyfriend cheated on me with a prostitute - How can I forgive and recover?
Dear Friend,
Thank you for sending your update. I read it and it evoke many thoughts.
First of all let me say that it is totally normal that the unpleasant memories pop up in your mind unexpectedly. That is what happens during the first few weeks / months after finding out about cheating. If you feel your boyfriend is an understanding person, perhaps it is not a bad idea to share your feelings with him. Your boyfriend should not get upset if you say that you love him and wish to be with him, but that it is very hard for you to get rid of these unpleasant memories.
 If you can, perhaps you should let your boyfriend read some material regarding how long it takes for a person to get over cheating and betrayal. It usually takes 1-2 years to completely get over cheating. During this time your boyfriend needs to be very supportive and not to lie again. It might be good that your boyfriend sees some written material regarding the recovery process so that he knows you are not simply "stuck" with something but that your reactions are totally natural after being betrayed.
It is good that your boyfriend knows how you feel, in that sense it might be a good idea to tell him. But do not elaborate on same topic every day or he will soon get tired of it, wondering if that is the way it is going to be for 1-2 years or perhaps forever. You know the personality of your boyfriend, so you must be the one to decide whether to tell him about your feelings or not. As I said, it might be a good idea.
You said you read the story "Cheating Husband" on my website and now you are wondering if it is worth it to stay, because "once a cheater, always a cheater" might be true. It is not always certain that a person who cheats once will cheat again. But of course the risk might be bigger than in case of a person who has never cheated. However, many people cheat one time and after seeing how much pain they are causing the other person by doing it, they will never do it again. It is impossible to say at this early stage to which category your boyfriend belongs to. Only time will tell that.
You said your boyfriend wrote to that girl: “I missed you so much … we don’t have to be in client/customer relations…we could be friends.. you're very pretty...”. I can understand that this hurts you. I would hurt tremendously if I would read something like that, written by my boyfriend, and to a girl who I would know he has had sexual involvement with. I understand you now so much better after hearing these details of your situation. I do not know what your boyfriend was thinking when he wrote that, but I believe he wanted to have some kind of a contact with that girl. I am very sorry to say this, I do not mean to make you feel bad. But it is good to face the facts. This does not mean your boyfriend would have wanted to exchange you to that girl, but definitely he was being curious and wanted to get to know her better. (Click the link below to read the rest of this reply).
>> CLICK HERE TO READ THE REST OF THIS REPLY <<
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Dear Friend, thank you for sending your update, I was very glad to hear from you! Please stay in touch.
Warm hug,
- Maria
Dear Reader, if you would like to comment on this story, please leave your message below to "comments" section. If you wish to read more about the ways to recover after cheating and betrayal, please visit page Recovery after Cheating and Narcissism.
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