I feel as though I am never going to reach a sense of peace with my cheating husband and ultimately with myself. After 30 plus years of marriage I found out that he had developed romantic feelings towards a co-worker/subordinate which culminated into a full fledged affair over a period of approx. 3 years, maybe even more. Through an array of behavior changes it became more and more apparent that his mind was preoccupied with other matters. All his prior concerns towards his family turned into frustration and anger directly aimed at me, constantly baiting me into useless battles. This negative pattern increased over the years until I finally took the opportunity to snoop in his cell phone which was normally guarded with diligent vigilance. Here I found my evidence that confirmed an intense love affair between a man well into his fifties and a woman 15 years his junior. I had to be confronted with reading one juvenile love declaration after another in texts that would be more befitting a first time love-struck 16 year-old teenager than a father of two children and grandchildren. It made me sick to my stomach. He still didn't admit to any wrong-doing after being confronted with the facts.
He immediately removed himself from our family home when I stated that I will not tolerate another woman in my marriage. Now, 9 months later, I still have no explanation but a scant admission that he is living with her. She has been promoted to an even higher post in his organization thanks to his efforts and I am beginning to wonder how low he will stoop to please her. In the meantime I am struggling to pick up the pieces being a caring mother to his children, especially in pretending as if nothing had changed. My life has become a total nightmare, I feel anger towards him, hatred towards the other woman and frustration with my adult children whose support I so desperately seek. I have come to the conclusion that it must be difficult for them to deal with the waves of hurt and anger that overwhelm me on a regular basis. Essentially, my relationship with them has also been deeply affected. I simply lack the trust in anyone right now, always suspecting withheld secrets and underhanded motives. As an honest person that values the same attribute in the people around her, I've become a consumate skeptic.
How can I redirect these negative feelings into more positive thoughts? There is a matter of survival here at stake. I also suffer from a chronic pain disorder which is severly aggravated by stress.