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Hi, Maria! Thank you for creating this oasis of relief for us, human beings who go through love and its consequences. My name is Alice and I am 40 yrs. old. Just today, as I was walking to work, I bitterly smiled at my own thought: Love makes a puppet out of us. Well, I can't resist the direction it takes me now: a sad, depressing one. So, I am begging for your help. Please. Needless to say, I have never in my life felt so pathetic, desperate, and trapped in my own idiotic stupidity and inability to act wisely. My relationship with my 8-year boyfriend is heading to an official end and I can't say Goodbye. We separated with our houses a year ago. I live with my child (mine) and he lives in a single apartment. We get together on a regular basis. Things have changed lately and, without any specific reason, I checked his phone call history. I found a number that he was texted at and texted to at 11 Pm while I was spending time with him. Furthermore, I found a call he placed on the same day at 2 AM after I left his apartment. And then the hell broke free. I tracked this number down to November last year - calls in the middle of the night, texting. I confronted him. He got angry and said it's nothing to worry about it. I got angrier. He said its a client of his. And he over-reacted by reproaching me that I don't trust him and I check "his pockets". I started to fall apart. After 8 1/2 years of being together. I called the number 2 days after the incident. She is 22. She is an escort working nights (doh!). She said "Oh, K and I are very good friends; we call each other any time of the day; we tell each other everything. No, we did not sleep together - I would've admitted this to you because I don't feel compassionate about the situation. I know about you. He told me he is with someone. I told him to bring you so we can meet, but he always said you're too busy. That night I called to invite him to my birthday party (that was about to happen in 2 days from our conversation). I will call him to ask him he comes with you so we meet." I hung up. The pain - indescribable. You've heard so many stories, I know. I confronted him more in a bitter and sad manner rather than angry. He kept yelling at me. He said "It's nothing. Stop policing me." I entered the big depression where the fall is so, so painful. I begged him - for the first time in our relationship - to come and hug me. I was still falling. He did. He came and told me that of course he loves me and he doesn't understand my attitude. I kept falling. I continued to check the phone records. Found again her calls, her text messages. One morning I checked his phone & I found the only text that he left in there probably to keep her number (he doesn't have agenda). It said "are you at home?". My falling grew in speed. It hurt so....... Today is day 7th of my discovery. We slept together every night after that. I didn't check the phone records up until today. She texted again. He doesn't want to marry. Not me, not in general. His behaviour is very different from other men I know (married or not). He will do what I ask him to do, but rarely take initiative. A very independent man. Insecure of his qualities, but never vulnerable about it. I have never cheated on him. I have always been sincere with him. Things that now don't matter or lost their value.. I believe that he did not sleep with her. He would've grown attached to her. He is that kind of man. He is 37. I am 40. I was the one to tell him to move out; a strategy - to make him to propose me. Foolish. I lost my trust in him. Totally and completely. He brought me flowers I like the other day. You know, I am still falling in that huge gap. Maria, please help me. I want to stay with him and find a way (ways) to make him to make me his wife. I want to have a baby with him. All these things that he says he doesn't want it, but, knowing him, I know he would be happy to have. I am not infatuated, he is different. I tried other things and I know him. He yells NO and he means YES. Please help me ... I need to reach to the end of my journey with him: break-up or marriage. I don't know how to do it. I am 40, yes, but a fool. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, Maria! __________ The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world. __________ Dear Friend, Thank you for your letter. First of all I want to say that you are absolutely not a fool. You are simply going through the heartache due to betrayal, like so many others who are visiting this website. I know the horrible feeling you have inside right now. You are still at the very early stage of processing this matter. You wrote you found out about these events only 7 days ago. Have you read this article of different phases of the recovery process after cheating: How to Get Over Cheating? You are still in the state of shock due to what has happened with your boyfriend. There is a hurricane of emotions going around in your head right now and it will continue to go on for some time. This happens because the foundations of your life have been shaken badly. You trusted your boyfriend fully, and then suddenly found out he had been keeping something of this magnitude from you.  You wrote you lost your trust in your boyfriend, totally and completely. This is why you feel so hurt now. Your mind is experiencing a conflict: On the other hand you want to stay with your boyfriend because you love him strongly, but on the other hand your mind is trying to convince you that you should not stay with the person who has been this badly dishonest, because there is a very real chance your boyfriend might lie to you again in the future. Logic and emotion are struggling in your mind right now, and that struggle is very painful. Your mind is trying its best to adjust to the new situation. If you are somehow able to come to terms with what has happened, understand why it happened and make yourself to believe your boyfriend will not do this kind of a thing again, only then you can continue your relationship with your boyfriend without having a constant unpleasant and doubtful feeling in the back of your mind. Your mind is now trying to reorganize itself so that you could actually achieve this state. It is bad enough that your boyfriend is doing something like this behind your back, but it adds to the pain tremendously that the girl is so young compared to your boyfriend and to you. This is perfectly natural feeling and every woman would feel the same way in your situation. You wrote this woman said to you when you called her: "Oh, K and I are very good friends; we call each other any time of the day; we tell each other everything. No, we did not sleep together - I would've admitted this to you because I don't feel compassionate about the situation". I fully understand how incredibly hurtful it is to hear something like that from this woman. It is clear your boyfriend has been having an emotional affair with this woman. Emotional affair means one's spouse is forming a close, intimate relationship with someone else, sharing secrets, innermost thoughts and intimate details of one's life, and keeping it secret from one's spouse. This is exactly what has happened. This woman said "K and I are very good friends; we call each other any time of the day; we tell each other everything". This is actually very cold talk from her part. It sounds like this is a young woman, who is either too young to really understand how painful her thoughtless comments are for you, or then her personality is such that she enjoys the feeling of "power" when she can tell you, the spouse of K, how "good friends they are" and how "they tell each other everything" (this is like a slap to your face, because she knew your boyfriend obviously did not tell YOU everything). As I said, I do not know if this woman said these things because she was simply thoughtless, or if that was some kind of an amusing "game" for her, that made her feel "strong". However, one thing is certain: This woman has no compassion for you. I can understand it makes you feel even more painful when you think your boyfriend has been dealing secretly with a person who does not seem to care about you or your happiness at all. Dear Friend, I can imagine the thoughts that are going through your mind. You are wondering what they have been talking about when they have been calling each other, and perhaps you are also sometimes wondering if it is really true that they have not been sleeping together. Even if they have not been having sex, this is still emotional cheating. Your boyfriend wanted to keep this young woman as a secret from you and shared intimate details of his life with her. This is a serious rule-breaker in a relationship. This young woman said "I told him to bring you so we can meet, but he always said you're too busy". If this is true, your boyfriend deliberately wanted to keep this woman a secret from you. Your boyfriend knew what he was doing is wrong, that is why he kept this a secret. When you confronted your boyfriend, he got angry because he knew deep in his heart you are right and he has been doing something he should not have. Anger and rage serve as a self-protection mechanisms in that situation. your boyfriend was trying to shift the focus away from what had actually happened.  Dear Friend, you are still in the state of shock. It is best you do not make any big decisions right now. You must let the time pass so that your feelings will calm down a bit. In order to heal, you must go through the phases described in the article How to Get Over Cheating. This is extremely important point: The only way you can recover from this and your relationship with your boyfriend can continue is if he cuts all contact with this young woman. If your boyfriend keeps her in his life, you are not able to get over this. Your boyfriend has no right to call you selfish if you ask him to cut all ties to this woman. This whole situation is not your fault, it is HIS fault. If your boyfriend feels it is "embarrassing" or "unfair" that he would have to cut the relationship with his "friend", that is a sign of selfishness and ignorance towards your feelings. Your boyfriend has already humiliated and hurt you by having a secret emotional affair with this young woman. If your boyfriend refuses to admit it was wrong and refuses to take responsibility of his actions (and cut all ties to this woman), I strongly recommend you consider leaving him. If you stay with your boyfriend after being ignored like that, you will slowly start to lose your self-respect. Dear Friend, I do not wish that would happen to you. The things I described in previous chapter are of course only the worst case scenario. It can be that your boyfriend will be very understanding and realizes that the only way you can regain your trust towards him and to recover is if he cuts all contact with this woman. If your boyfriend is willing to do that (and if he actually keeps his word), your relationship has a good chance to survive. But even in this kind of a situation you must prepare for a long recovery period. It takes on average about 1-2 years to get over cheating (emotional of physical). You are not able to fully trust your boyfriend for some time. Only his future behavior can help you to regain the trust. This is why I am saying that if your boyfriend is not willing to cut contact with this woman, or if your boyfriend tells you he cuts it off but still continues to be in contact with her in secret, I recommend you to leave. Throughout the history countless of women have tried to stay with a man in that kind of a situation, only to realize after several years that they cannot get over the betrayal if their partner is not 100% committed to support them. You do not have to travel down that path. If it looks like your boyfriend is not willing to support and help you to get over this, the best thing is to let go of him. We cannot force someone to be loving and understanding towards us, those things must come from the heart. Dear Friend, they purpose of my response is NOT to encourage you to leave your boyfriend. I truly wish from all my heart that you are able to work things out and that you are able to stay together with your boyfriend. If there is strong love between the two of you, you will get over this. In this response I simply wanted to emphasize that what happened is a serious betrayal and you have every right to feel hurt. Even if they did not sleep together, this was still cheating. Your boyfriend cannot justify this by saying it was not wrong because they did not have sex. Your boyfriend knew it was wrong, that is why he kept it secret from you. I am saying these things because I wish that all the facts are clear for you when you make your decisions. Dear Friend, my thoughts are with you. You are facing some difficult times, but you WILL get through this. Please write to me and let me know how your situation develops. I wish to support you and help you any way I can. If your boyfriend is willing to support you and help you to get over this (meaning he cuts all ties to this woman), you have a chance to fix things and stay together. I really wish your boyfriend realizes that ending contact with this woman is the only way you can recover. Warm hug, Maria
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You don't know how much you alleviated my pain! You gave me tools to better understand the situation - MY situation. Every word that you wrote to me rang so true in my ears, that I feel so embarrassed not to see the reality that lies in front of me.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support! You honor us, the women.
After I wrote to you, I couldn't sit around and wait; not with that mix of anger and pain in my heart. So, I took some desperate action:
I called the 22 year old woman and asked her to meet with me for a coffee. We did. We spent about 2 hours talking. Two things lined out for me: She said she "will not cut this connection with him UNLESS if he asks her to do so" (pigs aren't flying yet) and She doesn't find mandatory that he should've told me about "them".
Clearly, this lady is young and she cannot understand the implications of her relationship with my boyfriend.
Also, clearly she knows that my boyfriend treats me with disrespect (by hiding this from me, by not wanting to cut the relationship with her). You were right about both.
And the piece of resistance: (she told me that) they met 1-2 days ago and he asked her to hide her number when she calls him; he said "make it private, so she won’t know you called me." Her response? "I will not entangle myself in these kind of complications, so I will just continue to call him as usual."
Betrayed again. Now you see how foolish I am ???!
I broke his little safe secret box; she admitted to everything I asked her except the physical part: she claimed not once to have had physical touching with him.
She also was told by him that he does not want to marry anyone, nor to have kids, but, Maria, I bet my one month salary that if she would ask him to, he would marry her in a minute.
He is smitten; I see the signs with more clarity. Oblivious to my needs, disrespectful, impatient with me.
He spent the whole weekend with me. Being nice and taking care of my daughter while I was meeting with his fling.
Ironically, when she was leaving (her apartment located under his) to meet with me, they met and exchanged a few words, she told me. Ironically, when I was leaving to meet her, he just arrived at my house and we exchanged a few words (he did not ask me where I go). She said that she did not disclose the meeting with me.
Painfully, later that night when I innocently asked him if he came directly from his house to mine, he said NO. He lied again. He could've just said "I stopped by"; that would've not meant anything to me (had I not known that he met with her), but WHY LIE?
I told her that I shall tell him about our meeting and she should do the same. Now I am thinking if I should be the first one to tell him, so he won't think that she is feeding him info - oh, so close friends.
Somehow, I managed to put the foundation of a “friendship” with her, meaning that we hugged when we left and promised to meet again. Clowny, huh!
Dear Maria, I seriously plan to initiate the painful break up. I am 40, but I look good at my age, I am smart, loving, a wonderful mother, a good cook, a great lover...I deserve more from this short life. So, like you said, it will be better for me to exit this lane before I lose more self-respect (if that's possible!!)
I read the article that you told me about and I am (theoretically) ready to put on the break up coat. Trust is only a dream now.
May God bless you and give you happiness and love, Friend.
I believe that Men who want young women are very immature and insecure. What mature woman would want to have that kind of man?? Theory - works.