he still cheating

help, he still cheating.

You sound like a truely beautiful, honest, warm-hearted person. I can tell just by the way you have worded your question.. you are speaking entirely from the heart.

You know what? The asshole doesn't deserve you. GET OUT NOW. That's all I can say. I have just found out that the guy I have been in a relationship with for 10 years was carrying on an affair over that entire period! I feel like a right idiot.

There's nothing worse than having someone use your heart and stomp on it. You have a husband that is going to cheat and hurt you. You have someone who can lie to your face and someone you can never have trust in. Staying with him will only make you sick. The first few years of your son's life are the most important for his character development.. you don't want him stuck in a home full of negativeness.. deceipt and betrayal.

I stayed with my boyfriend because I loved him.. nothing more. At the time, I said the same as you, that I was 100% sure he loved me... when I found out he'd been deceiving me.. all the little clues.. the things like him never wanting to discuss our future.. his constant preoccupation in his thoughts.. they were all signs I was too blind to see. Love is blind - please remember that.

I can tell you are a beautiful person, I'm sure you've been an absolutely super wife and you are undoubtedly a wonderful, considerate mother. Get out of that house as soon as you can. CUT this man out of your life. I urge you. This is only going to end in extreme hardbreak. He may SEEM as though he loves you, but I'm sorry, cheaters are very good acters.. and although he cares for you, he is simply INCAPABLE of loving anyone wholly and completely.. as you are. He also has a very very large opinion of himself. Cheaters are largely selfish people who think about what's in it for them.. and (this is hurtful to accept) but they are only using those people they are in relationships with for their own convenience.. any more time you spend with this man is an entire waste and you will regret it.

Please keep in touch. I wish you the absolute best. I hope you find the happiness, love and devotion you deserve, but when and if you do, it will only be with someone else. The sooner you leave him, the sooner you can move on.. and the sooner you can recover and love again.

Dump the cheater (or potential cheater) and move on with your life and your little son. He will thank you for it when he's older.

I am the child of loving parents who decided to stay together after infidelity "for the kids" only to divorce when I was a teenager. Going through their drawn out pain and trust issues has definitely impacted me as an adult but I wanted to tell you what impacted me more - the sense of betrayal I felt when I'd learned that my whole family life as I remembered it had been a farce. The trust between spouses should be paramount but the trust between a mother and her children is above even that. It was not the truth that my mother had been in an affair that years after the divorce haunted me and my relationships with others, it was that my mother had lied to me all those years that has been the hardest to cope with.

We have a good relationship now because I have learned to forgive her for the act of infidelity (or at least put it away) but I will deep down never be able to forget that feeling that I had when I'd learned my own mother had lied to me for my whole life. True that it was not my relationship to know about but when a child sees her mother upset and lonely all the time and hears untruths about the reasons why it does undermine the relationship I had with her. It is forever changed between her and I. We still love each other, but once bitten by a parents deceit it is difficult to recover.

My advice (not that its worth much)is that unless you can truly and completely forgive your spouce, do not lie to yourself and continue in something you know to be dead. You are only delaying the inevitable and eating away at your own self confidence over the years. You may be sad now, imagine what it will be like ten years from now? You feel alone - imagine how alone you will be in ten years when your spouse's repetitive acts of betrayal eat away at you. In staying with the partner that is a destructive force in your life you are inviting that person to be a further destructive force in your child's life. By hiding the truth, you are acting in the same manner as your betraying spouse. Do not fall to their level, but bring them to yours if they want to go.

You can lead a horse but you can not make it drink. The betrayer needs to prove to you absolutely that they are a changed person, otherwise you are defacto endorsing the behavior by "forgiving" it (or pretending to). What motivation then do they have to actually change the behavior? You've just shown them that you are not prepared to do something about it which will remove the consequence from their actions and only increase the chance they do it again.

Unless they are changed and have shown you that they've changed (words, they've demonstrated are worth nothing from them, only action at this point will suffice) and have gone through trails where they have worked through their demons (its a long road, the 12 step program is not 2 steps so they will need to show their dedication to their own healing for a long time so you will require patience), only then are they committed to changing their ways and committing to your relationship with them. Settling out of fear doesn't get you anywhere but where you dread to be at the moment only its a longer road and you'll wear out your shoes in the process. You will have to know in your heart of hearts that they are changed in order to trust them, the only way they are going to convince you of that is through action and time.

A true liar may be able to talk their way through anything but if they are forced to show you through action - they tire easily and likely move on to easier pray. If he tires - then you have saved yourself from further pain (positive). If they do not tire, but show endless energy for the relationship they love through small and consistent acts of kindness and understanding... you will build new memories to replace the old ones and have a healthy foundation to start from (positive). In this way, by looking at it in this way, it IS a win win situation. Words are nothing if not supported through action.

I wish you the best and send you my strength to do what is best.

Dear Friend,

Thank you for posting your message. Everything you say makes perfect sense. It is exactly as you say: One can lead a horse but one can not make it drink. And yes, often in the end it is a win-win situation exactly as you described in your last paragraph: If a person can change, great, if not, it is best to go apart. Of course it takes time to get over the break-up, but eventually one is able to feel happiness again and understands that a life with a person one cannot trust fully would have been an endless misery.

Thank you again for your message.

Maria