|
Hi Maria My husband had an affair with his colleague. It has been going on for several months. I found out about the affair accidentally. I thought my husband loved me and I trusted him completely. I feel absolutely devastated. I know I can never forget the cheating, I do not think I can ever trust my husband again. My husband would like to continue the marriage, but I am not sure if I can live with him if there is no absolute trust. Should I leave now to spare myself from further pain or should I give this relationship a try? Is it possible that my feelings might change with time and I might be able to trust my husband again? Right now I feel it is not possible, but I am hesitating and do not know if it is right decision to leave... But I feel such strong anger towards my husband when I think about cheating that I do not know if I can stay with him even if I would want to. I do not know if I can ever forgive him. I do not know what I should do. Only positive thing in this tragic situation is that we have no children. If the marriage ends, it will only destroy the life of two people. I feel I am never going to be able to smile again... Broken Heart
__________ The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world. If you wish to read more about me, please visit page Site Overview.
__________ Dear Broken Heart, I am sorry you are going through this. Cheating is one of the worst things husband can do to his wife. It is very difficult to regain trust after cheating and betrayal. You are wondering if you should walk away or give your marriage one more try. You must consider your marriage as a whole before you make your decision. Is everything else alright in your marriage? Do you get along with your husband? Is your husband respecting you and have you been enjoying his company until cheating took place? Forget your husband for a second and think about yourself and your feelings. How do you think you will feel living without your husband? Does the prospect of life without your husband feel more painful than the prospect of life with him with the knowledge that he had an affair?  In order to answer these questions you must understand why cheating took place. Please read this article of Why Men And Women Cheat. What do you think was the "driving force" behind the fact that your husband cheated? Also consider the following: If this was the first time your husband cheated, there is a possibility that your husband has learned from his mistake and will never do it again. But if cheating has happened before, there is a bigger change that your husband will cheat again, since he has "learned" he can get away with it.
Regardless of whether you decide to stay with your husband or to end your marriage you must heal your wounds. You will find help for that process from this website. I have written down the results of literature search and my personal experiences of how to heal and recover after cheating. Human brain is an amazing device. It is possible to teach our brain to work in new ways, in same fashion as it is possible to train our body to move in a new way while learning to dance, to ride a bicycle etc. Proper training can help you to control negative emotions related to the memory of cheating instead of letting your emotions control you. Read more about this topic from page Healing after Cheating. It will help you in your process of recovery if you understand the basic reasons behind you painful feelings. I recommend you to read also this article of Cheating and Brain and How to Get Over Cheating. Big hug for you! Please remember that you are not alone. I promise you will get through this. The day will come when you are able to smile again! - Maria To read more personal stories of life with narcissistic spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse. To read more about narcissism and how the mind of narcissist works, go to section Narcissism. To read about cheating and how the mind of a cheater works, go to section Cheating and Infidelity. To read personal stories of life with cheating spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Cheating and Infidelity. You can contact me by clicking
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
|
Stories - Cheating 
I wish you luck in whatever choice you make but I wish I would of filed last year at this time but was so worry about him and FELT SORRY for him. There was a 20-year trust that he violated and I was working on trying to work it out for the kids' sake but I couldn't do it. I am a very trustworthy person and now I am sorry for waiting. The hurt and betrayal will be VERY HARD to overcome. If you are a strong person, go for it.