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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.

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Dear Visitor,

I created this website to ease my pain due to an abusive relationship. I became seriously depressed due to a constant, long-term mental abuse: I was so deep in it that I did not even realize the seriousness of my condition. I was so blinded by my "love" that I accepted everything my partner did to me, thinking there was something wrong with me because he was behaving that way towards me. He made me believe that I was to blame, that it was me who made him behave the way he did.

Section Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse is meant for the stories related to the relationship with a person who has narcissistic tendencies. By reading the stories of others and by comparing their experiences to those of your own you can figure out whether your spouse also has such tendencies. It helps when you know what is causing the problems in your relationship. If your husband or wife is truly a narcissist, you know that there was never anything you could have done to improve the situation. It was not your fault that things did not work out in your relationship.

It helps to know you are not alone. We may come from different backgrounds and countries, but there is something that unites us: we are all going through something very bad in our lives and we are looking for help and advice to find out what to do and how to recover.

Alone we are weak, but together we can be strong. By joining this community you are not only helping yourself, you are also helping people who are going through exactly the same than what you are going through right now. By helping others you can help yourself: it will improve your feeling when you know that your comforting words are helping anonymous friends who can be located right next door or to the other side of the planet. Internet has created us a unique opportunity to reach out and get in touch with people all around the world. Let us use that opportunity instead of suffering alone and isolated in our homes.

It helped me when I was able to write down my thoughts and do some self-analyzing. I believe it will help you too. You can post your story to section Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse or to section Personal Stories: Cheating and Infidelity. You may wish to ask for feedback for your situation or you can simply send your thoughts to the world. You can write to me completely anonymously. 

It helps when you know you are not alone. I am here for you, I went through what you are now going through and I want to help you. You can read more about the contents of this website and about my background from page Site Overview or go to other sections by clicking Main Menu links.

- Maria

You can send your story or contact me by sending me email to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

 

Comments (55)
  • Hilda  - Is he a narcicisst?
    My relationship has been 8 years long so far. He was a married man at the beginning of our relationship so I started out as the other woman. His wife had him arrested for domestic violence, which I do not believe, but I think that she was so sick that it was the only way she could think of to get him out of the house. He displays very polarizing behavior. Points out others faults and tries to turn me against my family. He has admitted to cheating with 2 other women, yet I still hang in there and try to make it work. He has no job due to the domestic violence conviction and had to move in with his parents at age 53. He snaps at me over small things but then turns around and romances me. He has admitted to cheating twice and when asked why he said be was lonely. I feel like I am addicted to this man as we have great sex, he is interesting, intelligent and fun. Whenever he does something wrong (like cheat or snap at me) I miss him so much when I try to end it that I end up taking him back. Is this a man a narcissist?
  • liz  -  i am shocked and was in denial but reading this
    would love to tell my story to warn other woman. i was swpept of my feet . amd hgave up my home, career, buiss. and gr88t freinds and collegues. to be with what i thought was the man of my dreams. and now it scares me that, sometimes i feel in danger. [as his outbursts. when i question him ,having an affair with who i thought was a dear freind. ,i had made here. [his bosses wife.] as one day i went out his work place to give him the jojous news that the growth in his arm was [only fatty lymphoma[the specialist had rang that morning] and so i was over the moon with joy that all was clear. and wanted to tell him sraight away. so i got in my car and drove to his work to give him the news. when i got their i ran to his arms and cried, before i could get the words out. he pashed me away and said right o. lets go up to the house for lunch. [ i felt empty. and knew something was not right. [i had prior suspected [an affair] with this woman [who was his bosses wife [and as i thought my freind] when we got up to the house i was offered a coffee and sat down to have it next to my man. sat oppisite to him is [who i thought my freind] then i saw the LOOK. and i between them and i thought im right [he is having an affair with my so called freind and his bosses wife [but also he had been freind of his boss for 20+ yrars, i was devastated. and didnt finish my coffee i just said im going now. and left. when i got home i cried all afternoon. and couldnt get that look between them out of my mind. [as i knew that look as my 1st husband did the same thing to me 14 years earlier. [and that connection and look you never forget. i confronted him when he came home, but it has just been denial and denial. ever since . also the woman in question now has ceased to stop calling round here. and yet when my mans of work at weekends , she would call round and knock on the door ,on saturday mornings. [ but i didnt answer the door [as i knew it was her] and then when i went to drop his lunch off at work a couple weeks later. my man and i were talking and she all of asudden appeared. like the bad penny. [i told him thats it you win you can have ur bit local bike. and im outta here. but its not that easy to walk away. and i have nothing at this stage [no job [as weaew 70 k's from nearest town. no buisness, and no freinds. and feel lost at times yet im strong [and have freinds in other island. who are aware of situation. and have said well if he wont be honest and own up , then his loss. and i am aware of that . [also when i confront him he has huge pysical rage , where he grabs hold of me [and infact have only just been able to wear my [short sleeved tops again [as the black bruises were quite strong at the top of both arms where he had grabbed me. everything is about him even the music i want to ply he doesnt like and my car he knocks all the time [ and yet his are only really old run abouts, also my dressing [i get told to dress down. and everyhing i do even meals i cook are not right. [and yet when i first met him and moved in here he was kind careing and loving . now he jst rejects me and all i stand for. i have been through a lot in my life , and [so have others] but i know i have to get out . of this relationship. [ but when he is late from work or on his cccomputer, or txting. i just think here we go agin. and yes i will be leaving as soon as i have the resourcses to do so. as at moment its all very controlling. but at least i can see the changes, and the warning sighns. , the ironic thing is im an intelligent spiritual woman with good social aires and values and can pick an unjust person at athousand paces. but his charm and charismatic, ways drew me closer and closer. like afly to a web. any way hope this helps. and the thing is he will never change [only worsen . kind reg liz.
  • Crazy  - Sad
    I thought I met my soulmate... We were like the perfect couple going out to dinner and having date nights. We both loved the same things. I mean I was in heaven! I chose to ignore certain things that were red flags!! Like, yelling at innate objects. Having no patients for stop lights, making rude comments. I asked him why he had to yell at innate objects he said that's how he handles his anger. He was also working 3 jobs, but each were part time to when needed. Plus he said he got military benefits. As soon as we got married he got fired from all 3 jobs. Also his lies drive me crazy! Stupid lies, for instance, we would have a bag of chips, I would open it up have 2 or 3 chips just to taste them put the bag back in the cabinet and I would go back and get more the chips are gone and he would either deny eating them or say there was only 7 chips left and pawn it off saying I ate the entire bag. He has a serious eating problem. If I would cook meals for the week. That means its a free for all for the day for him. He also does a lot of crazy making. I ended up in a mental hospital because of his crazy making. I lost the relationship with my family because he alienated me from them. He hates it that I would go have a girls night out at a friends. Which happens once every 6 months. Usually after he stews about it for 2 days we have a huge fight. His way is always right and mine is always wrong. He uses the I'm older than you or I have a college degree or something. When I show him in black in white what he said, he tells me that's not what he meant. That my eyes are deceiving me. I can go on and on...I want out but he caused me to have a car accident, I got to the point I didn't want to live any longer and took pills and crashed my car. So now I'm stuck, physically hurt, and him having control over what I eat. Who I can see, what I can and cannot do. He is making me deplete my entire retirement fund...he says we need the money so we can pay rent.. However I see him constantly buying crap on the Internet. If I give him the money I won't have any way to escape when I'm better. I'm getting depressed!
  • j  - Another sad story
    Hi. I am so happy to have found this site as well. One of the most important things we all need to know,is that we are not alone!
    Here's my story, it will sound familiar. I was a recently divorced 40 year old, single mom of 3 children(13,11 and 7 at the time). My ex was a cheater, an alcoholic and found himself yet another woman and left us. I was faced with no job, no place to live and no money! after all that, I had reconnected with an old guy friend from my teenage years. He had been living in Hawaii for the past 25 years. He sent me a plane ticket to go to Hawaii and visit him. I was completely swept off my feet. He knew all the right things to say and do to hook me. Which probably wasn't hard for him, given my low self esteem and feeling so unloved, uncared about for so many years. He promised my kids and I the WORLD! My ex actually signed permission to allow the kids to move to hawaii with me.(5000 miles away from him and his new girlfriend) I gave up most of my possessions, my car, furniture etc.. to move to Hawaii. I thought that all my dreams were finally coming true.( i feel so naive and stupid) I believed every word that came out of his mouth! As soon as the kids and I arrived in HI things took a drastic change for the worse. MY gut was screaming! IT started with criticism about my children, the silent treatment often(every weekend to be exact) never knowing when he was going to come home. Keeping all of his information, computer, bank account etc at his office. Iwas told to mind my own business. However he had access to all of my records and bank account. The mood swings were horrible, i felt like i was on a roller coaster. I was told that i was crazy and paranoid, whenever i tried to discuss my concerns, feelings, and issues. Everything i said was dismissed. His view of himself was way over exaggerated. He truly believed that he was smarter and better than anyone else. They only compliments i ever got were about my appearance. I felt like i was in a constant competition with him. He was becoming more and more verbally abusive and physical as well. Iwas truly afraid that he would eventually start hitting me. MY children were stressed and unhappy. He started trying to pit the kids against each other and even me. I asked for and suggested that we need counseling immediately many times. I could go on and on. The lies, the broken promises, the anger and always being right ..... i couldn't take it anymore. I thought that i was going crazy. We ended up having a huge fight, he did something innapropriate to my youngest daughter and I confronted him. He kicked us all out of "his" house and that was it. I took my children, left and never went back. I moved back to the mainland with whatever i could carry in our suitcases and have had to literally start over with nothing. He continues to email me, professing his love and adoration of me, how much he misses us and how i blew everything out of proportion and he really didn't do anything "wrong". I am to blame, but he still loves me anyway! he wants us back, he wants to prove to us that he can be a better man. I don't believe it, He doesn't seem to care at all about how much he has hurt my kids and I. What we've had to go through because of his bad behavior. I am afraid of him and what he'll do next, even though we're 5000 miles apart right now. I am doubting myself right now. I need the strength to continue my life without him and let him go for good. My head knows that he is a narcissist, but heart is doubting my own ability to move on. Thank you for "listening"
  • Chris  - To leave or not to leave
    Hi,
    I will be married for 12 years at the end of September and have been with the same man since we were 12 years old. Looking back I now realise the full extent of control he has over me. I'm still in between leaving and staying mostly because I do still love him and have loved him for so long and also because we have to boys aged 7yrs and 2yrs and I didn't want this for them, but I also don't want them to grow up learning the same behaviours from their Dad. I recently read a quote which said: "Don't marry a man unless you can proudly say I want to have a son exactly like him." And that quote makes me sad because I don't want my sons to be like their dad and I'm already married to him. Last year we went through absolute hell as a result of him adding a girlfriend to our marriage. It started out as them just being friends and before I knew it it had escalated to us being friends and all of us doing all these things together as a threesome. I was so much under his control that I went along with what he wanted because I was being a 'cool' wife and I don't even want to go into all that happenend, but after about three months of enduring having her in our relationship and bed I couldn't handle it anymore and felt like I was having a breakdown. I gave him an ultimatum and he left. We were separated for 2 months and thinking back, I shouldn't have allowed him to come back home because the time he was away I felt so young, light and free and I was happier without him than I ever was with him. SO fast forward to a year and now we are at another crossroads. He came back promisign all sorts of things and hasn't kept any of them. I started attending tai chi classes twice a week while he was away which is something I would never have done had he been at home and I love it. But he hates it because he didn't choose it for me and because anything I love he automatically discards as being rubbish. It seems like such a simple thing - give up the class and I can have happiness, but I know it's not that simple. THere will be another thing I will hvae to give up evnetually when he is again displeased. He gives and he takes away and says its my own fault because I choose to go to this class and so should excpet bad treatment as a result. Nevermind that last year he expected me to accept his girlfriend into our marriage because it made him happy and nevermind the fact that it killed me inside and destroyed me almost. No, what's more important right now is that I'm not behaving in an acceptable manner to him. I could add more things, but this would just go on and on. Suffice it to say that most of the things I read in your articles are exactly what I'm experiencing at the moment and I need to make the decision to leave or stay. My mind says leave, but my heart says stay and I can't come to a decisoin and my own indecision is annoying me. I wish I was more brave and that I could just go home and leave today but I'm not. All articles I've read says not to make decisions when you're emotional and angry so I wait until I calm down, but by then he is calm too and he turns on the good side and then I think perhaps I was overly emotional and should wait and see what happens next. Until the next time...I also dissociate from my feelings and sometimes feel like I'm not feeling about a situation the way I should be and I know that is not normal.
  • Anonymous  - My story
    Hi I am so glad I found this site! I don't feel alone now. My story begins about 10 years ago when I met my husband. I was so excited to meet my prince charming!! Although he had high expectations about sex and other stuff I thought hes not going to get on me because he was so nice and what a catch and so did my family. We married only 9 months after meeting. Me being 26 and him being 32 at the time and neither of us had children, life was good and everything was perfect. We wanted kids so shortly after the wedding I found out I was pregnant. One morning he was cooking eggs and all of a sudden he had a fit, the eggs didn't turn out right and he threw the pan. I thought hmmmm that was weird. As I started to show things started to rear thier ugly heads. He became more demanding on sexual activity, he started to become distant. In my 7th month I was put on bed rest for high blood pressure. I thought being a husband he would pamper me, I'm on bed rest and can't do much. I'm not a "needy" person so I'm thinking there's something not right. He just became more distant. Looking back now he wasn't getting attention, wich an expectant father does go through. But this was different, this was a cold distant person that was not even the guy I married. Fast forward to our son being born, the first day he comes home from the hospital I'm exhausted  as new mothers are, John ask me why I don't do a certain sexual act on him. I thought are you kidding me??? life goes on for the next 6 years and I'm starting to think there is something wrong with me. I went through depression, panic attacks and a miscarriage by myself because I had no emotional feelings from him. Only time I got a connection from him was if I did something he liked sexually, then I was his best friend. he never felt bad for making me cry.  He would confuse the heck out of me when we would argue. He could not answer anything just "yes" or "no". He had to skate around answering anything directly. I was going crazy, he said I have issues and twist things. He was never wrong. I was losing my mind. He had high expectations and if I didn't do them then I got disconnected from him. He wouldn't touch, hug etc...I didn't think someone could be cruel like that. I tried to please him day by day. I would think ok I'll have dinner ready. That didn't work. I tried to get anything I could from him to feel loved. He would tell me he did but it wasnt the same tone as if when I did sexual expectations he wanted. Looking back now I feel so ashamed that I tried that hard to get no where. Almost 2 years ago he came home from work and told me he met someone at work and he was leaving to go meet her. I was frantic!! I said ok I want a divorce. He left to meet her. The next morning I look out the window and there is a car in the driveway I didn't recognize. He brought her back to our house and was upstairs in the apartment. It has only outside access. I'm so hurt and out of my mind. Did he seriously just bring her here???? He would come downstairs every once in a while and I was an emotional wreck. I asked him why are you doing this this way, I'm crying my eyes out and he didn't care. I said you have to bring her here??? He said well I can't go to her place, she lives with her parents. He said it's a seperate residence so he doesn't see the problem. Are you kidding me???? He showed no emotion, no guilt, even took our son around her with no problem.he showed no emotion about separating when I bought my own house. Still to this day he lacks empathy of what he did. He didn't see what the problem is and wants to reconcile because he is no longer with her. No way am I going to live my life like that again. I feel so free. I told him he is a narcisstic and of course he denies it. I just feel bad for the next woman. I wish I could warn her.
  • momo  - Dear sister
    Your story really touched me. We can learn so much from each other. Your honesty has helped me in my current situation. I am really sorry you had to go through that, I can only imagine. I was able to connect with the feeling of shame. I was so embarrassed that I was in love with a person who actually doesn't give a damn about how I feel, or even the essence of life in me and that my parents raised me with love.

    I could relate to you trying to do everything to get love from him. I am sure you were working so hard to make the relationship nice. I did that too and allways felt like I was not getting anything back.

    As for bringing the woman back home! And as for not caring for your tears. I know that feeling. He had long crossed the line by then. I read somewhere in signs of abuse site that if he does it once, he will do it again.

    I could understand how the his negligence to you could have caused a miscarriage. Our emotions are very much linked to our womb, as I found out.

    I suffered a blow and a half recently and am trying to recover. Luckily enough I did not marry the guy and have his child when I found out I was pregnant. I always kept a low profile and did not introduce him to family and do the whole public thing. My instinct told me if he cant respect me I must not introduce him.

    So I got pregnant and I told him, I was happy, and he did not come to check me for 2 weeks to discuss the matter. Instead he was blaming me saying it was someone elses kid. He didn't care. The negligence and his apathy made me bleed. It was so painful. I decided not to go ahead with it. It was a tough choice. Then I told him and he called me all kinds of names and told me to fuck off and never to speak to him again. He doesn't give a damn.

    After 2 weeks he changes his Facebook profile picture to that of his 9 months old son and people are congratulating him. I was with him for over 6 years. I had no clue.

    I truly believe I got spared. And yes, I did warn the mother of his child and her sister what kind of a guy he is and to be careful. But the girl is madly in love with him. He didnt acknoledge the child for a long time and only did after I broke up with him. It was tears before and after. The anger! I am trying my best not to be vengeful, and am struggling to let it go. How did you let go? I cant stop thinking about it. Its still fresh. I would appreciate some light since you left. Its like I am feeling jelous, but I know I won't go back. I just want him to get what he deserves.
  • Lorraine  - Moving on
    Since posting my story on this site I have moved on and encourage others to do the same.
    When I have read stories about cheating narcistic husbands even though I see my husband in these stories I tell myself no one knows him like I do, he doesnt mean to do this to me. I was lucky to be able to move in with my sister and her husband. Since moving out I have my self esteem back I can take control of my life and I will be okay. I encourage anyone in my position to move out. He text me the other day declaring his love for me he will always love me, he says he has a mental problem. I felt sorry for him part of me feels disloyal to not be there helping him. But in the light of day I remembered how he told the other woman how much he loved her. He knows he has a problem but does nothing to get help he continues to drink and argues with physcologists. Even when he says how sorry he is for what he did he brings the conversation back to him and how much he is suffering. I have been seeing a physcologist who helped me and gave me a different perspective. It is not easy moving on but every day gets better. I no longer have someone putting me down the pressure is gone I am enjoying life. The narcisist even though charming thinks only of themselfs they don't delibertaly go out to hurt others but they do because life is all about them. That is why you have to put yourself firs because they are not going to do it. I am feeling for all of you in my position and trying to send out a little strength to change your life there is light at the end of the tunnel.
  • liz  -  hi lorraine we are strong all woman are ;
    hi lorraine i just read your page. and can empathize with you i went through simular experience. and am moveing on. just wanted to say we are strong. and can move on to a better life and people within it. but its scarey. good luck [i wrote the page sighned liz[ be good to hear from you if u need a freind to talk to. take care liz. good luck :D
  • Andrea  - Childs Father
    I am so glad I have come across your site. I am now currently trying to leave my boyfriend of 7 years and now father of our son. The difference I have found tho is that my narcissist is that he is also a HEAVY drinker, not a cheater, but Drinker and this to me is the other woman. I have felt so alone in the way I have been feeling for years, I have tried AlANON and other groups in hoping to find help and not feel so alone. People question me as to why I have gone back tohim so many times, why I gave him chance upon chance, and why now that I have a 6 month old I havent packed up and ran. The combination of the two has left this man ruthless, the amount of times he has walked in and out of my life, belittled me and verbally abused me. And I have been left sitting here so many times wondering what I have done wrong and where I went wrong. I found myself today thinking the same thing, what could I have done to have not had this situation happen? He left AGAIN Sunday to live with family. I am planning on moving home now to my family, but I find I am the steriotypical person spoken for on here. The fear of change, the fear of life without him, will I be able to move on? Will I find someone else? Am I worth a better man? is there even one out there? when will i not feel this way anymore? and the list goes on, as I find so many of you feel the same way. Some lasted I saw 30 years! I realize now a change has to be made, not only for myself and my well being but for my son. Because he is so unempathetic and dealing with post partum and being a fulltime working single mom, im under so pressure and in 6 months I havent had a moment to breath, for myself... a pedicure whats that? I ask LOL...
    I never even considered Narsasstism until i googled dealing with a breakup from a abusive relationship, as I read on I was appalled. It started out JUST AS DESCRIBED.. he was with another girl who made him so unhappy, and he made me feel AWESOME about myself, I have always been a little over weight. He had me believing this girl was crazy! And I branched out of my shell with him. He was great and my everything and then little by little the truth came out, but it was so too late before I noticed because I have moved now 4 hours from my family. I even cutrrently live with his sister! When I finally get the strength to say good bye and I start to do things for myself ( I had lost 70lbs prior to pregnancy) he comes back and talks me right into it. You know I love you, i dont want to be with anyone else but you. You know you and our son are everything. AND BOOM I FALL...
    People tell me im crazy, or they do not understand. I just have to thank you for starting this site, and thank everyone for sharing thier stories. It is sad we have all gone thru this. I know for one, it will take alot of time to recover for it and move on. As I was discribed by a friend, I am severly damaged from this relationship, I know it is something I NEED to do now so my son doesnt suffer from the reprocussions and doesnt learn from his fathers mistakes, especially with the drinking.
    I will continue to read the site, as I am not learning how to deal with the actual break up and trying ot make sure I dont fall back into this pattern.
    one question do narssasists tend to be addicts? its funny cause he is so fearful of people pointing out mistakes or whatnot, I read that and its so him (in the article on how to make them feel bad) but when evetyone makes dfun of his drinknig, that he ignores! its so weird.
    thank you again, and I will pray for all of you in the same situation who are trying to break away. It is like a addiction for myself. I have been so sick to my stomach and shaking.. its insane!
  • Leah
    Your story and mine are identical my friend however I have been lucky enough to come out the other side..
    Don't fear leaving him, fear the person you will become if you stay.. fear what that type of personality will do to your child.. It was my children that gave me the courage to leave in the end..Your number one job is to look after them, not indulge his bad behaviour.
    TRUST ME get out, life is hard, but not as hard as when I was with him. Although I am still single, I smile again, I am starting to like the person he thought was such a loser, me!!
    Read this site to give you strength, surround yourself with real people that genuinly care about you and that have your back becuaes at the moment you are just an accesorie to his life, a belonging that is there to indulge his every whim and distasteful behaviour.. Being on your own may seem scary at first, then you will see it is so much better than being in that depressing prison you are calling a relationship. My boys (5 and 3) are thriving, we are happy epite our battles with everyday life, it is so much easier to deal with without their drama queen, self absorbed antics. Closing this door to find the time and mental/ emotional energy to search for the right open door. First step is recognition of his problem.. next is realising your co dependance to him and him emotionally manipulating you because of it. your weakness to him is your need to nurture and fix him.. he can't be fixed by you, he has to take responsibility for his own mental health.
    Nurture the people that deserve it, like your child. you won't regret the redistribution of your emotional output. They know all the magic words, they know how to tug the heart strings, they know exactly what you want to hear.. this is the charm that everyone on this site is talking about but, they dont have your best intentions, they have theirs. Be free, best choice I have ever made by far
  • The Farmer  - Now I know
    After her father died she changed this article describes her to a tee. I truly did believe I was the cause of all our problems. I am tired (mentally and emotionally) and can't retell it all here. Now after 7 years of trying and knowing what you have explained it’s time for healing and moving on. Thank you.
  • The Farmer  - Did you live in my house and I didn't see you
    I'm tired, mentally tired, after her father died it all changed and now 7 years later its over. You have described her to a tee. I did think I was mad or going mad. I did at one stage believe I was the cause of all our problems. Thank you time for healing time to move on.
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