My Husband is a Narcissistic Abuser and a Cheater

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Latest - May, 2012

My Husband is a Narcissistic Abuser and a Cheater

Hi Maria,

I have been married for more than ten years. 3 children. I have so much to say about narcissism, abuse and cheating. I am overwhelmed by all of this. I am living a nightmare. I am really putting forth effort to set myself and the kids free from everything and all in this website.

It's SOOO hard to get a divorce. I keep hoping and praying. It's in vain every time. I have now become ill (major depression, anxiety) just got on medication for just to get out of bed. I am seeing a therapist. I feel I must end this for the sake of my health, myself and those sweet, innocent children.

I know we would all be better off but I grieve something terrible at the thought of finally just cutting him loose. Not like he was ever really mine in a real way after years and years of cheating and lying and hiding. It's the bizarre thing. I feel like I am going to die without him around. I really feel desperate and grieve thinking of a divorce at the same time I know I must.

Please help me. Please.

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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world. If you wish to read more about me, please visit page Site Overview.

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Dear Friend,

I am so sorry to hear about your difficult situation.... I really feel for you. You are not telling very much about your situation but the main point shines through clearly: You are not happy with your life and with your marriage. You say you have now gotten ill due to your negative situation. I am glad you have found my website and decided to write to me. You have taken the first step towards recovery!

The most important thing for you to remember is that YOU are in control of your life, no one else. You alone make the decisions. You may feel at this moment that your hands are tied, but it is only an illusion. You are in a way trapped behind invisible bars your own mind has created. That is the place I know all too well myself, after living with malignant narcissist for several years.

Narcissist almost managed to break my spirit before I realized what he was doing to me. Once I realized what was happening, I decided not to let narcissist ruin me and my life. Once I realized that my "love" towards narcissist was mere "addiction" to something that was never real, the scales dropped from my eyes and I was able to regain the control of my life. If I was able to do it, you can do it too! Please read this thread in discussion forum for more details about my relationship and how I was able to free myself from my narcissistic partner: How I was able to end relationship with my narcissistic spouse. You can also read my posts in this other thread. I wish my feedback to these people gives you strength and support. I wish to say to you exactly the same things I have said to these people in my posts: Click to read the thread.

It felt so good to be the one who made the decisions instead of letting narcissist dictate my life. I was finally able to break free from toxic relationship. After separation narcissist started to send me emotional emails and wanted to get back together. I refused. It felt so good to realize that I did not HAVE TO live my life like that, suffering with a person who was hurting me in so many ways, but that I had a CHOICE. I made my choice and I have never regret it. Please read more about how I was able to free myself from the narcissist, I believe my experiences will help you to see your situation more clearly.

The most important message from me to you is this: You hold the power over your own destiny. Please read this article of how to break free from the invisible chains: How to Leave a Narcissistic Spouse. I also recommend you to read about the mind control methods described on the page Recovery After Cheating and Living with a Narcissist. If you are able to control your emotions it is easier for you to make the right decision regarding your life and your future.

I know exactly what you mean when you say you are "living a nightmare". I started to observe signs of depression in myself due to problems in my relationship. It is very dangerous to stay in a relationship with narcissist for long time. Malignant relationship is affecting one so slowly that one does not even realize what is happening before things have already gotten very far and one has started to become ill.

This is exactly what happened to me: I became slowly more and more depressed and sad due to mental abuse, mistrust and all other problems in my relationship. My friends and relatives saw the change in me, but I did not realize how bad my situation was until only after I ended relationship and was able to see things from distance. It was then when I realized how unhappy my life had been for years. Every single day I had felt something negative and depressing, either due to something my narcissistic spouse said or did or due to some unpleasant memory of his past misbehavior unexpectedly popping into my mind.

You said you have developed a Major Depression. That is a very serious warning sign that it is the time for you to leave. Please read my reply to another person who wrote to me couple days ago about similar problems in her relationship with narcissistic spouse. Her situation resembles your situation in many ways. Everything I said in my reply to her I want to say also to you. Please do not wait any longer. You still have your whole life ahead of you. You were unlucky to get involved with narcissistic person, who has been making your life miserable for several years. Please remember that it is not your fault this has happened to you. You were simply unlucky. What happened to you, can easily happen to anyone. It happened to me. (Click the link below to read the rest of this reply).

>> CLICK HERE TO READ THE REST OF THIS REPLY <<

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Dear Friend, please remember this: You cannot change the past, but you can change the future. Your own happiness and the happiness of your children is in your hands. I will do everything I can to support you in this difficult situation. Together we WILL get you through this! Please keep writing to me and let me know how things are going with you. You are not alone. I am here for you.

I recommend you to read following articles:

Controlling Your Emotions

How to Leave a Narcissist

Healing After Cheating

Biochemistry of Love

My thoughts are with you.

Warm hug,

- Maria

Dear Reader, you can write to me and tell about your own experiences by going to page Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse, Information. If you wish to read more about me and my background, please go to page Site Overview. From Site Overview you can read short description of contents of this site. If you are interested in topics related to cheating, narcissism, mind and brain, please feel free to read my blog. Blog is being updated on daily basis. In case you want to read about methods I used to teach my mind to let go of "addiction" to my narcissistic spouse, please visit pages Control Your Emotions and Recovery After Cheating. If you are in relationship with a narcissistic mental abuser, I believe you will find useful information from this site that will help you to heal. You can also go to other sections of this site by clicking Main Menu links (left bar).

If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, send me email to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it