I read the information on your website as I have tried everything that has ever been written on how to leave and stay gone from a narcissist.  I have been involved with one for over 6 years now.  It always ends the same, me apologizing to him for his cruelty to me.  I can not afford outside help at this time in my life, so I am in search of a support group that can help me stay gone from this vampire... this venomous snake.  I do pretty well, 7 months once, but he always lures me back into the web and it always ends the same.  I am reaching out to someone... anyone today.

Dear Friend,

Thank you for your email. 6 years is a long time to be involved with narcissistic person. I am sorry to hear about your situation. I believe you have seen by now that your narcissistic partner cannot change. First 1-2 years in new relationship is usually so called "honey-moon" period. During that time we are so excited of our new love that we are blind to all "flaws" in that person. After couple years has passed and we start to get used to our spouse (routine starts to step in, if you will) we start to observe the similarities and differences between us. It is during that time when we make the decision either to stay in the relationship or to go apart and try to find someone who is more compatible with us.

With narcissist things are much more difficult. Narcissist seem to be so perfect match to us in the beginning of the relationship that we get very attached mentally. Even after we start to see the warning signs it is very difficult to make the decision to leave. I have been writing a lot about narcissism and the mental hooks narcissist is embedding deep into the brain of the victim. I know how hard it is to break free. But in the end that is the only right way to go with narcissist. Any other way will only lead to misery. Please read this thread in discussion forum of how I was able to free myself from my narcissistic partner: How I was able to end relationship with my narcissistic spouse. You can also read my posts in this other thread, they deal with the same topic. I wish my feedback to these people gives you new insights and encouragement in your difficult situation: Click to read the thread.

I am glad you found my website. I would be happy to give you support and encouragement in your process of detaching from your narcissistic spouse. Believe me, Dear Friend, leaving is the only right choice. You have already given narcissist six years of your life. Please do not give him more than that. Free yourself now and you shall see your life will be so much happier! I recommend you to read about the mind control methods described on the page Recovery After Cheating and Living with a Narcissist. If you are able to control your emotions it will be easier for you to see the big picture and to make the right decision regarding your life and your future.

I know what I am talking about since I have traveled down that same road you are now traveling. I survived and was able to leave my narcissistic spouse and regain my happiness and mental balance. You can do it too. Please keep writing to me and let me know how things are going with you.

Remember that you are not alone. I am here for you. Together we WILL get you through this.

- Maria

Ps. Please read this article of learning to control one's emotions: Controlling emotions. It is possible to learn to control your emotions instead of letting your emotions control you. When you are able to control your emotions it will be easier for you to break free from bad relationship.

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