Is My Spouse Narcissistic?

Home

Stories - Narcissism

Search from this website

Main Menu

Latest - Feb, 2012

Is My Spouse Narcissistic?

Hi Maria,

I have been searching for ages to find a reason for my depression and anxiety. My partner shows all the classic signs. I got air tickets for a holiday for his birthday, feeling thrilled, the reply was "if it had been Hawaii I might have been excited". For my birthday box of cheapest chocolates!! Always cooking meals for him (we dont live together after moving out four years ago) and he never brings anything. I end up paying when we go out, he somehow lags behind long enough for me to be paying all the time. Mean to me and his family.

Been in hospital recently, never told anyone (when questioned he said I wanted to keep it a secret!!!). Always have to do things when he is ready. No physical love not even a cuddle. Went for tea the other night, he was annoyed I was asked, so took my own car. He then comes up to me outside the restaurant and says "everyone gave me the ok to wear these clothes". I had gone to a lot of trouble to dress very nicely but not a word was said.

He does look a lot younger than his age, but when I read he is living in a fantasy world -no wonder there is no stress. He does preen himself. He has to know where I am and what I have been doing all the time. To the point he will drive past my work to see if my car is there, and past my house at all times to check on me. (Click the link below to read the rest of this story).

>> CLICK HERE TO READ THE REST OF THIS STORY <<

__________

The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world. If you wish to read more about me, please visit page Site Overview.

__________

Dear Friend,

Thank you for sending me your email. I am sorry to hear about what you have been going through. I know how stressing life can be with a narcissist. You said you already moved out and left him once but he lured himself back into your life. It is great that you have already been able to leave once. First time is always the hardest, next time will be much easier. Now you have tasted the life without your narcissistic partner and hopefully seen how peaceful and relaxed your life could be without the constant complaints, controlling and abuse performed by your narcissistic partner.

I know how frustrated you must be feeling now when he has been able to sneak back into your life and is again playing his old games. But please do not be too hard on yourself. It is so hard to break free from narcissist that only very few of us are able to do it on the first attempt. It took long time for me to finally break free and end relationship with my narcissistic partner. Please read this thread in discussion forum for more details about my relationship and how I was able to free myself from "my" narcissist: How I was able to end relationship with my narcissistic spouse. Please read also my posts in this thread, they point out couple important points regarding the behavior of narcissists: Click to read the thread.

I tried to leave several times without success. Then things went so bad that I simply reached my limit and could no longer take his rude behavior and lack of empathy. I realized that if I stayed with him I would spend the rest of my days living unhappy and insecure life. All the cards were on the table, there were no question marks regarding how my life with him would be. I knew the personality of my narcissistic spouse all too well. Sadly I knew he could not and would not change.

In order to free myself from the mental hooks my narcissistic spouse had embedded into my brain, I started to teach myself a new way of viewing my life. If you can control your emotions instead of letting your emotions control you, it is much easier for you to leave and to regain your mental balance. Read more about how to teach your brain and your mind to adopt a different approach during tragedies in life from page Recovery After Cheating and Living with a Narcissist.

You have been with your narcissistic partner nine long years. You know him very well by now. Do you think your narcissistic spouse is capable of changing his ways and suddenly turn into that wonderful, charming man you fell in love with all those years ago? Dear Friend, I think you know the answer. I understand how hard it is to leave when you feel you are still strongly in love with your narcissistic partner. But nine years is a long time to wait for better tomorrow. Please do not wait another nine years. Even tho you may not feel like it now, your life will be so much better once you cut off the malignant tumor (narcissist) that is hiding your sun.

When I look back today I can say that I do not hate my former narcissistic partner. I do not think he is an "evil" person. I think he simply is lacking the necessary tools to understand how people around him are feeling when he is treating them in a certain way. Sadly my former narcissistic spouse is lacking the ability to feel empathy towards others. In the same time he has his own wishes and desires regarding his life and his future. This can be very dangerous combination. This kind of person is always putting himself as a priority when he wants to achieve something or possess something. He simply cannot understand that someone could get hurt in a process. In a way his understanding of right and wrong has been corrupted due to the lack of empathy.(Click the link below to read the rest of this reply).

>> CLICK HERE TO READ THE REST OF THIS REPLY <<

-------------

Please feel free to write back to me and let me know how you are doing. I would be happy to hear from you. If you decide to leave your narcissistic partner I will support you every way I can during the first difficult weeks and months, as long as you need me. You are not alone. If I was able to break free, you can do it too. Trust yourself. You are stronger than you think!

Lots of strength and warm thoughts,

- Maria

Ps. I strongly recommend you to learn more about the mind control methods described on the page Recovery After Cheating and Living with a Narcissist.

If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, send me email to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

Comments (1)

|2010-11-08 20:39:49 Anonymous

i too have just come to the conclusion that my life will be never ending misery with my narcissist. Everything he does, is only designed to hurt, pure spite....
- 0
- 0
Reply