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Hello again Maria!
Sometimes the world of karma is a funny thing! I wrote to you on a Wednesday, you responded the following Friday, and in the interim, I learned that my narcissistic ex was in fact cheating on his fiancee (who is the same girl he had his 5th admitted affair and moved in with after he walked out on me!). Ah, yes, karma...... And sad for her she learned this information just a week from their anticipated nuptials, which foolishly went on regardless!. I feel very little sympathy for her since she was fully informed of my ex's cheating history, a luxury I did not have prior to my involvement with him. I personally told her his history to prevent her the same fate, but foolishly she thought she could change him and apparently, by marrying him, she still does....... Now he's making a very public fool out of her.
Although I hate to admit it, when the news broke of his hand literally being "caught in the cookie jar" I had mixed feelings. On one hand I felt complete vindication and wanted to celebrate. I was proud that I had predicted his actions correctly. I felt happy that this girl, with whom he had an affair on me, was getting what was due to her (even though I mostly see her as his current victim I still despise the pain she contributed to me and my children). But if I'm honest, I MOSTLY felt sick to my stomach.
I felt sick for my children, who share my narcissistic ex's DNA. I felt sick that a human being-and I'm using that term loosely-could continue to betray woman after woman, family after family, and walk around giving people the "I didn't do anything wrong" story unwaveringly. I felt sick that I had ever let this man (loose description) TOUCH me! The thought of that now causes my skin to crawl. I felt sick knowing that he actually believes he's somehow entitled to do what he does.
But I do see this as the final chapter, full acceptance that he is a narcissist by which other narcissists could be compared. In my particular case, karma equals justice and justice equals acceptance. Acceptance means a promising future......... For ME.
__________ The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world. If you wish to read more about me, please visit page Site Overview. __________ (To read the previous letter of this writer, visit page Divorcing a Cheating Narcissistic Husband) Dear Friend,
Thank you for your email. I am glad to hear from you. I can fully understand how you feel about this news (infidelity of your ex husband). You are having mixed feelings regarding the matter. On the other hand you are feeling vindication, but on the other hand this yet another proof of your ex husband's deceptive nature is making you feel sick in your stomach. Your feelings are very natural.
 You said you do not feel "pity" toward your ex husband's present partner. I can FULLY understand you. You still have all the feelings of anger in you regarding the matter (this new woman being involved with your ex spouse). Those feelings are also very natural. Even tho you are not wishing to get back with your ex, it is natural to feel negative towards the present spouse. I know exactly how you feel inside. It takes time to get over cheating and betrayal. To read more about how to recover after cheating and a relationship with a narcissist, visit page Learn to Control Your Emotions. I can give you another kind of view of this situation, a view of a person who is looking at things (related to my former spouse) from greater distance. I know how you are feeling, but I can also imagine how the present spouse of your ex is feeling after she found out about cheating. Remember how you felt when you found out your husband is a cheater. I honestly believe that is the worst thing that can happen to a person.... Cheating is leaving deep scars to the heart of a person, scars that will never heal completely. Do you remember the pain you felt when you learned your husband has been cheating on you? The new woman is feeling the very same pain right now, and that is a horrible place to be, as you know.
You told me the new woman is younger than you. She is still a bit naive about life. The new woman may not have enough experience in life to deal with this sort of things (cheating and betrayal). Yes, she knew about the past of your ex husband (he is a cheater) and she knew he was a married man at the time he was making his moves on her, but she still fell in love with him. Perhaps she could not resist her feelings even tho she knew it was wrong. Also, you cannot know what your ex husband told her about you and his relationship with you. Most likely your ex husband painted the situation to be such that he was unhappy with you, and that he met "the love of his life" (this girl) and he simply had to follow his heart etc. Cheaters can say these things very convincingly go justify what they are doing. The way I see the situation is that your ex husband is more to blame of what happened than his new woman. This is all his doing. Your ex had the power to make all the choices (even if she fell in love with your husband, he did not have to act on it, had his personality been different). Your ex husband made her to fall in love with him, and then he kept on doing what he always seems to do (cheats).
 I understand you feel a strange kind of "pleasure" when you think the new woman is now suffering after finding out about cheating. But after some time has passed, I believe your view changes slightly. You start to realize more and more that there is NOTHING good about this situation. Your ex husband is an individual who is leaving the trail of pain behind him in this life. That man has caused pain to so many people. There is nothing to "miss" about in a person like that. As time goes by, your anger decreases and you might just feel sadness that you happened to be one of his "victims". You may even feel sympathy towards all those other women who's heart your ex husband has broken (including the new woman). The new woman will never forget this. The memory of his betrayal so close to their marriage will stay with her forever and she will never feel secure and happy with him again.
Dear Friend, it is ok for you to take a brief pleasure of that thought (the agony of your ex husband's new woman after she found out about cheating). Your reaction is very natural, everyone would feel the same way in your situation. So please do not feel "guilty" because of your feelings of vindication (I do not think you do, but I wanted to say this anyhow :). You have all the right in the world to feel pleasure about something like this after everything your ex husband has done to you! That is a very small payback for all your suffering, so please enjoy that feeling without any quilt!
I wish you understand me in a correct way. I am NOT defending your ex's new woman. I am NOT trying to make you sympathize her. I am simply telling you how I believe your feelings will evolve as time goes by, based on my personal experience and based on the literature research I have done regarding this topic. I believe eventually you will get over this and you will have a wonderful life ahead of you, without the negative effect of your ex husband! Let the memory of your ex disappear into the past, cut him loose, to float or sink on his own (if your ex husband keeps on doing what he is now doing, he will most certainly sink). You have nothing to do with that man now (luckily), you are free. You are not responsible of your ex husband or what will happen to him. You can now concentrate on your own life and you own happiness! If you wish to read about the ways to teach your mind to let go of the negative memories, visit page Learn to Control Your Emotions.
Regarding your children, remember that they also have your DNA in them, and also remember that they are not replicas of either you or your ex husband. They are unique human beings, just like you and I. The fact that your children exist on this Earth is a wonderful thing, do not let the thought of them being partially originated from your ex husband diminish your joy of that matter! They are independent biological creatures, something YOU have created. Many people do not have children, for various reasons. You are a lucky woman to have your children! They have nothing to do with the deceptive nature of your ex husband. Of course I know you know these things already, but I felt like saying them to you anyhow :)
My warmest thoughts, - Maria If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, click
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