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Hi Maria,
I am just listing some of the traits my partner had and trying to put them together to make some sense out of the things he did and said.
- He was obsessed with his looks and would always ask if he was better looking than other guys that I knew or guys we saw when we were out.
- He would either storm out of a club or sit and sulk if I paid attention to anyone else when we were out.
- He would time me if I went to the toilet when we were at a club and then accuse me of being somewhere else.
- He would fly into rages of yelling and swearing if I slightly insulted him and usually by the end of the night would revert to sulking and not speaking.
- He would always wear bright t-shirts and jump up and down or yell and dance stupid to attract attention when out.
- He would put in silly fake vampire teeth or silly wigs when out and walk up behind people to scare them.
- A pimple on his face could ruin his day he would carry on and on about it as if he had a terrible disease.
- A scratch on his car or on any any of his belongings would start him in a rage as did misplacing something like an item of clothing.
- He would reminisce about things from the past with such clarity as if they were yesterday he had a memory like you wouldn't believe down to conversations he had years ago.
- He always wanted to go back to good times in his life and always asked why things changed. When I said we move on we get older he said 'Not me, I'm Peter Pan'.
- He has nick names for everyone he meets and silly sayings he says over and over he gets a kick out of people copying his sayings.
- He tells me all the time how all his friends think he is the life of every party. He shows off in front of his friends but as soon as he is bored he will just leave wherever he is without telling anyone, having everyone looking for him and worrying.
- At a recent Bucks night with strippers he tried to get all the guys to leave with him, saying it was boring and crap, when they wouldn't leave he threw food at the strippers.
- He was always down and depressed about something, or something someone has said. A slight insult from someone can have him in bed for the day with a huge headache.
- Nothing excites him, he is bored with everything. He says its because he already knows in his head what something is like before he has seen it or been there and so actually seeing it is not new to him.
- Who finds Disneyland boring!! Only him he said it was just like he imagined and so wasn't excited to be there.
- Lives on fantasies of things he wishes he could be or do.
- Would compliment me non stop but then say something to put me down in the next breath.
- Bought me gifts all the time but would ask continuously if I liked them even months later would accuse me of not liking something he had bought for me.
- Gifts I bought him were put away in a cupboard or left at my house for months.
- Asked me on several occasions if i thought he was unique, said he believes he was put on this earth to do something special.
- One night his 5 year old son was mucking around, keeping him awake at bed time, he waited till his son son was asleep then jumped on him to scare him said it was to pay him back.
- Would laugh every time his son hurt himself.
- Laughed at other peoples misfortune, but didnt laugh much at any other time, didn't understand normal jokes you would have to explain them to him and still he didn't understand them.
- Would have tantrums if he had to wait in a queue or walk out of a restaurant if he wasn't served immediately.
- Would sit with his hand on the horn if traffic wasnt moving saying roadworks should be done at other times than when he was on the road.
- Bought a convertible car drove it up and down the street music blaring, saying look at everyone looking at me, no-one has a car like me.
- Would stand away from his car out of sight and watch peoples reaction to his roof going up and down on his car.
- Had a drawer of magic tricks, like toys that gave you electric shocks, one day told me to close my eyes he had a surprise for me then blew a horn in my ear.
- Said that his ex wife always said he was perfect.
- Would argue for hours on end to make someone agree with him, would walk out if he couldn't. I someone agreed with him just to stop the arguing he would say at last they finally realized they were wrong.
- Told me I should always take his side on anything no matter what, whether it be against my friends or family I should value him first.
- Swore on his life that he never lies ever, threatened many times to drive off a cliff if i didn't believe what he told me.
I could keep going forever, there were so many things that it is hard for me to remember them all, I only saw this man for 18 months but my life was turned upside down, he destroyed my job, tried to make me cut contact with my friends. I have told him to stay away from me and so far he has it has been 5 weeks now but I hear he is bad mouthing me to anyone he can. Will this stop, will he truly leave me alone, is he a narcissist or just not a normal person, Thank you for any advice you can give me. __________ The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world. If you wish to read more about me, please visit page Site Overview. __________ Dear Friend, Thank you for your email. I am sorry you have been through all this. You asked whether this man is a narcissist or just not a normal person. It is very difficult to say whether someone is a narcissist or not without knowing the person well. However, based on everything you said in your letter, this man definitely sounds like a water-proof narcissist. You said he cannot take criticism and would become extremely angry if you tried to point out some flaws in him. This is very typical behavior for a narcissist. A narcissist views himself or herself as omnipotent, perfect creature and therefore interprets all criticism, even constructive and helpful comments as vicious attacks.  Everything you say about this person implies strongly that he is a text-book narcissist. But in the end the exact diagnosis is not important. No matter what is the name of his problem, the fact is that this man is very rude, cold and generally simply very unpleasant human being. You have definitely done the right decision when you left him.
You said you saw this man for 18 months. Even thought it is a long time, there are many people who have stayed with a narcissistic person much longer than that before they have finally given up on a narcissist and started to pursue their own happiness. By that time the mental wounds are much deeper, even though they will still heal with the time. The brain has an amazing ability to repair itself after being wounded for example by stress and depression. To read more about how to heal after experiencing a damaging relationship with a narcissist, visit page Learn to Control Your Emotions. I am glad you have gotten out of a toxic relationship this early. Based on your email I get the feeling that your narcissistic ex has made your life miserable when you were with him and due to this you no longer have any desire to return back together with him. If this is true, you can consider yourself lucky, because often the most difficult part in the process of detaching from a narcissist is to maintain No Contact. The mental hooks a narcissist has embedded into the brain of the "victim" can be buried so deep that often person ends up getting back together with a narcissist several times, until finally finds the strength to leave for good. If you do not have a strong desire to get back together with your narcissistic ex that is a great start for the healing process.  You said your narcissistic ex has been bad-mouthing you to people. That is unfortunately what narcissists often do after separation. That is the only way a narcissist can maintain a flawless image of himself or herself. When it comes to a narcissist, the fault is always in someone else. If a narcissist would think anything different, the integrity of the mind of the poor creature would be jeopardized.
Luckily the people who know you do not buy his stories, they know who you are and their view of you is not going to be altered by anything your narcissistic ex will say. Some people might believe him, but the opinion of the people who are not close to you makes no difference to your life. I know it is not pleasant to think that your narcissistic ex is talking negative things about you, but try your best to ignore that. In the end it does not matter what he says, the most important thing is that you are now free and you can continue your life without the depressing shadow of your narcissistic ex looming over you. If he tries to contact you, continue on the good path you have chosen and ignore him completely. That is the only way your narcissistic ex will eventually leave you alone. If you get sucked back into his world in a form of email exchange, phone calls etc, he will continue to view you as a source of a narcissistic supply and it will take much longer for you to get rid of him. Try your best not to be in any kind of contact with him and eventually he will leave you alone. Thank you for writing to me. Your story will help others to recognize a narcissist and a mental abuser sooner if they are in a relationship with one. Dear Friend, you have done the right thing by leaving, there is no question of that! Warm thoughts, - Maria If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, click
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Stories - Narcissism 
