Hi Maria,

Wondering if you can help me out. I have been with my narcissistic husband for 4 years now, we just married 5 months ago and he has already left me like 3 times. My husband has a place up north and just stays up there and only comes home for two days a week, and then I get the silent treatment. Well today, my husband gets up at 4am and starts packing his stuff to go up north again. He tells me he wants it over, apparently he thinks I was bad mouthing him to other people up North last weekend. Maybe I was a little because he treats me so badly! ( I know he is a narcissist, he is very verbally abusive. I thought getting married would help, I was thinking he wouldn't leave me every other month, but now it is worse and he Leaves every week).

Well my husband said he is done, he wants nothing to do with me. I asked if he was cheating he said no, and that obviously I was cheating because if people keep asking it is them that are cheating, is what he said. Every time he does this I get used to "well I guess it is over" and I try to get through and then he will go like 5 days and he will call me again, sometimes even saying he loves me but he is usually drunk and he will call the next morning and say he doesn't remember saying it. But then I end up getting back with him, he is my husband of only 5months so of course I want it to work.

Well this time I told him do not call me anymore, he said he won't, but as you know he always does, and I said you always do! He promised he wouldn't this time. I know he is punishing me for embarrassing him, by telling people how he treats me. Do you think my husband is seeing someone else or has been being he is gone all the time, and then he just comes home to get me in the sack to satisfy him before he goes back up north again, so maybe he isn't seeing anyone or why would he need me?

I just cannot take this anymore, last week when my husband left I was so proud of myself cuz I didn't answer the phone when he called. He called like 6 times and I did not answer, I felt so bad and so guilty for doing this, I felt bad for him! Now why is that after all the bad things my husband has done to me??? And I know he was upset about that too, and I know that is part of my punishment too. So do you think this is it, does he actually really mean it this time, never heard him sound so serious! Or will I get that call in a week being nice. If I do how will I ever get over this, I don't want a divorce after 5 months, how embarrassing is that going to be to my family and friends!

Please help with some advice!

Thank You.

- Blueberry

Dear Blueberry,

Thank you for your email. I also read your message on discussion forum regarding this same topic. I am sorry to hear what you have been going through. Regarding of whether your husband is seeing someone else, it is very difficult to know if that is the case. Since there is no clear evidence, it is better not to make guesses. There are so many other things that are so much more important. Please read my detailed reply to this email and to your post to forum from here: How to deal with a narcissistic husband - Reply. 

To read more about how to get over cheating and narcissism, please visit page Recovery After Cheating and Narcissism. 

Warm hug,

Maria

If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, click This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it    

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