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Hi Maria, Right now I am crying. I am absolutely devastated by the fact that my 10 year relationship with what I now know was a narcissist has ended. I wish I knew this when we were together. My story is a very long story. But it is typical. I just feel totally discarded now. I am completely damaged by this man. Now he wants nothing to do with me and is absolutely cruel. The funny thing is that during the relationship I kept telling myself that he is crazy. My boyfriend would do and say all sorts of things that were irrational at times and he would go into rages about every 6 months. It got to the point where I would wait for it to come. I would say to myself he's been ok for a while now, I wonder when it's going to happen. My reaction was to clam up. Not say anything and just let him rage simply because I couldn't compete with his temper. He did not like my silence. He knew he had a temper problem and would admit it and apologize the next day. I would feel bad because he would cry and say he hated himself and what he's doing to me. And as is typical in this scenario I would accept his apology and we would go on. I want to tell you my story but its a long one. When I have the time I will. But for now suffice it to say I feel completely empty and destroyed. I know you're right when you say there is an addiction. I am completely addicted to him. He left me last summer and as if that wasn't bad enough, I just learned from him that he is living with another woman already. This has shaken me to the core. I am so hurt. I have never felt this much pain in my entire life. It hurts so bad. I cannot think of anything else. We had an appointment to see a fertility specialist that we waited so long to get and my boyfriend dumped me for a silly reason just before the appointment. He had major issues which I will tell you about later. Suffice it to say I adored this man but he caused me a lot of pain, anxiety and disappointment throughout the relationship. I spent the last 8 months desperately wanting him back. I just couldn't live without him. Our lovemaking was spectacular and I don't know if I will ever find that again with anyone else. I am in my mid 40s, we were unable to conceive in 10 years and my boyfriend refused to go to a fertility clinic because he was afraid to find out if it was a problem with him. I begged him repeatedly and his response was don't blame me for your age. I could tell you so much more of the horrible things he said to me over the years and I forgave him for all of it. Right now I feel lost and empty. I feel disoriented. I cant think of anything else and all I do is listen to love gone bad love songs. I am a mess and I have no one to turn to. I am a very successful professional. When we started together I was content with my life and I thought I found my soulmate. I still think it. He charmed my pants off. I was in heaven. I had waited a long time to find the right man for me. I thought he was perfect for me. We thought the same, had the same sense of humor and had an extremely passionate sex life. We were a perfect fit. He told me over and over and over again that he loved me and that I saved him. He always wanted to please me and told me that repeatedly. I believed he did love me but now I'm not so sure. I am really confused. By the end of our relationship I was completely drained. I have no emotion left. He drained me of everything. I have nothing left. I cannot feel anything. Right now I need to get through the days. I'm having real difficulty. Over the past 8 months I would email him periodically to beg him to reconsider the break-up but he is so cold towards me and blames me for everything (he never took responsibility for anything he did or said to me that hurt me). He is delusional about what happened in our relationship and has re-written history. My problem is that I am hopelessly in love with him. I want him back. I know his new relationship is a rebound and I know I should run for the hills from this man and I know I'm in denial but I cant shake the love I have for him. I need your help. I just don't know what to do. I know I am a complete mess. ___________ The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world. ____________ Dear Friend, Thank you for sending your story. I am sorry to hear what you have been going through. You invested 10 years of your life into this relationship, you wished to have a family with your boyfriend and in the end he let you down. You do not go into details in your letter but you said your boyfriend has been saying all sorts of cruel things to you during last 10 years. I can imagine what you mean by this.  First of all let me say something very positive. The first step in the recovery process is to understand how broken one really is due to the ending of the relationship. Only after we admit to ourselves that we are in trouble, it is possible to start the healing process. Dear Friend, you feel you have hit the rock bottom. That is actually a good thing: From now on your situation will start to improve. You are no longer sinking down, you are finally after 8 months starting your slow ascend back to the surface and back to life.
There are many reasons for your strong, prolonged pain. One important reason is that you were together with your boyfriend for 10 years. That is a long time. You have grown attached to your boyfriend and when he suddenly disappeared from your life, you felt empty and miserable. The fact that you were trying to have a child together is adding to your pain. It is important to realize that your feelings are completely natural. It takes on average 1-2 years to get over the death of a beloved one (of course the beloved one will never be forgotten, but the sharpest pain will usually disappear during 1-2 years after death). Ending of a relationship is in a way a similar situation. It is like a small death: You have lost someone who was very special for you and with whom you shared your life for so many years. It is natural to feel sad and depressed about it even after 8 months. There is nothing wrong with you. Allow yourself to feel sad due to the ending of the relationship. Every death has to be mourned properly before the new life can begin. You are right now in the middle of that grieving process. Millions of people have gone through what you are now going through and they have survived. You will too! While you are waiting for the sharpest pain to subside, there are things you can do to speed up the recovery process. You wrote that you have not been able to let go of your boyfriend emotionally. You keep listening melancholic love songs and remember the good times you shared. This way you are keeping the memory of your boyfriend alive in your mind. Dear Friend, I understand how hard it is to let go of the beloved one. It is one of the hardest things one can face in life. But it seems your boyfriend does not have (at list at this moment) the will to get back together. If this is true, and if your boyfriend is not going to change his mind in the future, you end up spending several years of you life depressed, waiting and hoping for your boyfriend's return. Dear Friend, I do not wish that kind of a life for you.  There is so much this life has to offer, even if you cannot share your life with your boyfriend. I know you do not feel like it right now, but after one year your world seems completely different. I promise this to you. I have been where you are know, I know exactly how you are feeling. I also know what will follow. Dear Friend, trust me: You WILL get over this. Right now you must be patient and give yourself enough time to grieve your loss.
8 months is not abnormally long time to feel depressed after separation. It is important that you understand you are not "hopelessly" attached to your ex boyfriend, but instead you are going through a very normal grieving process after a long-term relationship has ended. If you did not feel the way you do right now, there would be something wrong with you. As I said above, there are things you can do to speed up your recovery. If you wish to get over the separation sooner, you must learn to let go of the sad thoughts related to your boyfriend. If you keep thinking about such thoughts and listening to sad love songs, you are actually strengthening the neuronal networks that are related to negative thoughts and feelings. As a result of this you might get seriously depressed. If that happens, your recovery will take significantly longer. Dear Friend, please do not let that happen to you. I know you feel very depressed now, but it has been less than a year since the break up. Your brain is more flexible than you think, your brain has the ability to heal itself if you only allow it to do so. Please read more about how to speed up your recovery and how to free yourself from negative thoughts and painful memories from page Controlling Negative Emotions. Please write to me anytime you feel like it. You are not alone. Give yourself time to heal. The aim of this website is to help you in this process. Warm hug, Maria If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, click
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Stories - Narcissism 
In closing I want to say I know I have long road ahead of me, but I look forward to the day I no longer Love him or Hate him. I just don't want him to matter anymore.
There's nothing worse than knowing this person you love so dearly, can look you in your face and lie to you, without having any feelings of remorse for their wrong doings against you. They are void of conscience, and will suck the life out of you without regard for your mental, physical, emotionally and financial state.
That's the reality of life with this type of person, you will only be living for them, and for obvioius reasons will sign up for a life of self neglect.
He has been my World, and I will look to this site for motivation and support when I get those moments of despair, as I am having at this very moment.
Maria, I thank you for such a site, because I now know I'm not the only one.
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