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Maria,
This website is a fountain of information. It really helped me pull through the toughest time of my life. Now my story. I hope it is not too long. But I want to be as detailed as possible about things so you can see how she worked. And if it helps one person out there I will feel like I get a piece of my self-esteem and pride back in a way.
I had recently divorced from my first wife of 10 years. I had finally started to go out again and put myself on the "market" so to speak. At a local bowling lane one of my fellow bowling partners shows up with an old friend from high school. Believe me, I asked because it was love at first site for me. She was stunningly beautiful with her dreadlocks and had a personality that was a perfect match for me. As I am kinda eccentric looking (I have lots of tattoos and piercings). We chat for a while and she took a photo with me. I offered her a ride home but she insisted on riding home with my good friend. I never thought I would have seen her again as I forgot to ask for her number like an idiot.
Months later I am promoted at my job and while checking my Facebook account my mystery dream girl was there and wanted to friend me. She said she had found me through my good friend and bowling partners page. We chat for a few then she gave me her phone number and asked me to call her later. So later on I gave her a call and invited her over for dinner and a movie. She said she would love to but had no car and she lived a half hour away. I had informed her that I had just bought a new car and was dying to find reasons to drive it and would pick her up if she liked and would drop her back off at her place later.
We arrive at my place where we sat and talked for hours. I remember how we could not stop smiling at one another. It was like magic. We had so much in common it was crazy. So later that night I drop her off at home. Perfect first date! My heart was racing and I was a perfect gentleman and her a lady. We didn't even kiss. So far so good right?
Well, while at work the next day I receive an email from her and she says, "How about me, may laptop and you get together tonight?" as the previous night I had explained I had a BSIT in Computer Networking and she said she had a laptop issue she would like for me to look at sometime if I didn't mind. So naturally I replied... absolutely! She shows up and I fix the laptop issue and we hang out some more. After watching some TV and us grinning like kids at each other she asks if she could come lay on the sofa to cuddle. I thought she would never ask! We cuddled up and watched TV, nothing more.
As the night gets later I tell her that I need to crash out soon and get ready for work. I offer her my bed or sofa if she wanted to stay. She looks me in the eyes and says, "Can I sleep with you?". I make some silly joke and she assures me that she didn't mean "sleep" with me but wanted to share my bed and cuddle. I was fine with this and can be a gentleman and behave. I borrow her some of my PJs and we cuddle up.
Needles to say things get a little hot. I go to kiss her and she turns away. Things come to a halt and I apologize. I told her I would go sleep on the sofa because things were moving kinda fast. She assured me that it was not me. She told me that she did not want to get involved with someone because she was leaving in a few weeks to study abroad in Morocco for six months and that she was "kinda" dating someone else (red flag moment here!).
 I then kinda feel very awkward, needless to say. I explain to her that if she was "kinda" dating someone else then I respected that but this was odd. She then assured me that it was not going so well and she was about to break it off. I tell her that until she did we can only be friends, because I was not that type of guy.
She explains why things are not working out with this other guy (and they seemed to be good reasons). I explain to her that I had just got divorced and why that fell apart as well. She then gave me a huge hug and told me that she felt so safe with me. Hearing this melted my heart.
For the next few weeks we would chat on IM or text one another. Finally one afternoon she shows up and says she talked to the "other" guy and told him that she no longer was interested in dating. So we go to the bowling lanes where we first met and have a few. Our friends there see us together and can tell we have been dating. They are happy for us and say we make such a cute couple.
Later that night as we are leaving the lanes I ask her to be my girlfriend. She ecstatically replies... YES and kisses me for the first time! We go back to my place and make love for the first time. She stresses her concerns of missing me when she was studying abroad in Morocco. I promise her I will visit her there because I had always dreamed of visiting. She lit up like a kid in a candy store hearing that.
Fast forwarding to the night before she leaves. She is staying at her father's house and is packing. I am invited over and at this point have met her father and all. While there she says that some friends are dropping by and we would all go out for drinks. These two guys swing by and one seemed VERY surprised and confused seeing me there. They step away privately for a few and upon their return he gives me the "stink eye". I think nothing of it and we go out for a beer together. She rides with me and they follow. While at the bar this one guy is hugging her and seems very sad.
I start putting 2 and 2 together so to speak... they had a "past" and recent it seemed. On the drive back to her father's I ask about it. She then informs me that one of them is the "other" guy she had been "kinda" dating when we had met. She said she explained to him that we were now boyfriend and girlfriend. Another very awkward moment (hind site is 20-20). Anyway, later that night her father offers for me to stay if I like as it was getting late and I could see her off the next morning. I accept and we make love for the second time.
Weeks later while she is in Morocco we keep in touch by phone and Webcam chats. We are falling deeper in love and start counting down the days until my arrival as I had bought a flight to visit her. I arrive in Morocco and it is like a fairy tale. We travel all over and meet many friends. One of which we decided we wanted to marry us! It was her idea and I am so in love I am like, sure... why not? We had discussed her moving in with me anyway because she was concerned about where she was going to live when she returned to the states.
We have a very beautiful ceremony and we are happily in love. Her father even helped plan her early return to surprise me. We are doing great and are happily married. But I had bad news. Shortly after my return from Morocco, a few week later I had been laid off from my company I had been with for many years! She is fine with that and tells me we will find a way. I find a 3rd shift job and life is good again. We move downtown closer to campus on her request. We plan and have a wedding reception for her family and friends. It goes well and I am welcomed to the family.
Shortly after that I lose this job. Economy is suffering. But things are perfect with us. Just everything else seems screwed up. I become stressed and worried about making ends meet. About this time she asks me to cut out her dreadlocks. I try to talk her out of it because I loved them. But she insisted she wanted a change. So I did. After that she became obsessed about her looks. Constantly asking if I thought she was pretty still and if I was attracted to her still etc. I always assured her she was amazing to me.
Times were getting tough and then we decided to sublet our apt. so we could move in with a female roommate. I was fine with this as we all got along well and we all decided it would save us money. Well we move in. I am kinda depressed about the job hunt and funds are low. She is able to help with stuff from her student loans.
As school starts up for her second semester she always had to study every night at the college library until it closed at midnight. I always gave her rides to classes and to study. At midnight I would pick her up or she would take a bus and be home soon after. I had hang out with her study group a few times and we all became good friends.
 Anyway there is a new guy in the group and the same day he joins the study group he sends a friend request to my wife. She even says that it was kinda odd and creepy. I agreed. A little while after we have some of our friends from the study group over and this "suspicious" guy. He seems nice and all. I was never the jealous type and trusted my wife with anyone. Plus, after meeting this dude I actually though the was homosexual and felt all weirded out for nothing.
So life went on and was great. I continued the job hunts and my wife went to class in the mornings, came home for a few hours for dinner, then around back to studying till midnight. Well one night she does not come home until 3 am and puts on scented lotion and crawls in bed. I ask her where she had been and I was worried sick. She said that after her study group had finished for the night, they all had some drinks and she had passed out at this "new guy's" place from the study group. My heart sank... and I asked if "anything" had happened and she said no.
Later that following weekend while we were outside a local hang out smoking she flat out asks me how I felt about having an open relationship. I did not know what to say. I was in total shock she had even asked me. I asked if she had someone in mind and that I was NOT cool with that because we are married. I go home that night very upset and sleep on the sofa. It is never discussed again.
A week later we go and do a couples photo shoot with a friend who is a photographer. We are so in love and happy in the pics taken. We had a great day and I drop her off at 7 to study. But this time at a different library than usual. I thought nothing of it. Later that night as I am sitting at home with my roommate and her date we decide to go out for a bit. I have her text my wife to say we are kidnapping her and she is to join us. This is at 10 pm. She replies that she is already at the bar and has spent all her money.
I am angry and wait for her to eventually come home. She walks in at midnight and grabs a few things. She looks at me coldly and says she can't talk to me right then and turns and walks out. I am very confused and worried. I try to call and text her asking what is going on and I get no reply. Just voice mail. I go at this for hours and am freaking out thinking the worst. I stayed up all night trying to reach her to see what was going on. Early the next morning I contact her brother and father, letting them know what was going on and that I was extremely worried as it was not like her to do something like this.
Later that evening she emails me and complains about my calls and text. She is furious, asking if I realize how busy she is and that we will talk when she gets home at 5 that afternoon. I ask her where she had been and she tells me at the same guys house from her study group but "nothing happened". I didn't ask. Seeing by now what was possibly going on (as am not a fool) I call a friend and ask if I can come stay with him for the weekend. My wife calls me and then confessed to having sex with this guy the time she was out until 3 am, but nothing happened the night she was with him all night. I was devastated!
I went back home and moved out. Needless to say I furnished the entire apt. I had police escort me to get my belongings as she sent many nasty emails and calls to me until I could come move out. She actually called and screamed at me because I had turn the internet off! I mean hello... she cheated. What did she expect? I even tried to reconcile at first and even offered marriage counseling. But I could not stay with a cheater and someone who showed absolutely no remorse. Instead she showed hate, anger, and has since done nothing but try to destroy me. She lied to get a restraining order on me, had this guy she cheated with send me nasty emails belittling me, and even went so far as to create a Twitter page dedicated to hating on me (and I can't get this page taken down...I tried).
I still am living this nightmare. I try to move on but the sad thing is I miss the loving and amazing girl I married. I am haunted by her constantly. Every time I see or hear anything about Morocco, bands and music we liked, and just other memories of good times. It truly was like one minute things were perfect, then a few hours later BAM! It was over. It has been so bad I had to see a therapist. I didn't eat or sleep at all for nearly 6 weeks! It even got so bad I moved out of state and blocked all contact from her and the new guy. It has been a living Hell. I would not wish what I went through on my worst enemy!
I know this is very long but I also left out lots. Like the tell tale signs of her narcissism. Like her distancing herself and not saying she loved me, her blaming me for everything (even her cheating), and many others I can't think of at the moment that I didn't include in my story. Please use this but edit it if needed. But what I want to know is will I ever trust to love again? Was leaving her right away the right thing to do? Should I try to make friends to try and get her help? Is there help for her? As I have learned she has done this with every relationship she has been in. Same ending but I was the first she went so far as to marry. While it only lasted a year I am still feeling the effects of it.
Thank you for your time.
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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.
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Dear Friend,
Thank you for sending your story. I do not know your background but it is clear that you are a very talented writer, you are able to express your feelings in a very clear way. I encourage you to continue writing. As I read your story, I could relate very strongly to the love you felt towards your wife in the beginning of your relationship. Wonderful trip to Morocco, sharing all the excitement and strong emotions. We all have felt that in the beginning of the relationship. Everyone who visits this website and reads your story can relate to you. We live in different countries, in different cities and cultures, but this experience connects us all.
We all went through that wonderful dreamlike period with our beloved one, until things started to go wrong. Now we are on this website, sharing our stories and encouraging each other on the path towards balance and happiness. Thank you for sharing your story. It will help many others who are going through the same pain. Despite the pain you feel now you have a clear insight regarding what has happened and regarding the personality of your ex wife.
 You went through a difficult divorce and after healing your heart you started to go out and meet people. You did exactly the right thing, you did not rush, but instead waited until you felt ready for a new relationship. Then you met this woman who seemed to be your perfect match. Everything went well for some time, you got married and lived happily together despite other problems in your life (related to work).
Then things started to go wrong. This is something everyone who visits this website has experienced. People who have been mistreated and betrayed in their relationship navigate here while looking for help and support. Reading your story helps all these people to struggle free from their own devastating relationships. Thank you again for sending your story.
Based on your letter it seems you did everything correctly. You trusted your wife fully, you were not overly jealous, even though there were occasions when jealousy would have been a perfectly normal reaction (occasions like your wife staying drunk at another man's apartment until 3 am). You were patient and understanding and wanted to trust your wife.
Then your wife started to shake the foundations of your relationship by asking if you would like to have an open relationship. It is clear that when someone asks this, that person has either been interacting romantically with another person or has a desire to do so. If we love someone, we do not ask this kind of a thing, for two reasons. Reason number one is that we love our spouse and have no desire to be with anyone else. Reason number two is that we know how much this request will hurt someone who loves us. If our spouse asks this from us, it is a strong sign that our spouse is not strongly love with us.
After this your wife told you she actually had been lying to you and cheating on you. This destroyed your trust in your wife and started the downward spiral. It is no wonder you could no longer trust your wife. Everyone who reads your story would have felt the same in your situation. The way your wife behaved after revealing her betrayal shows her true personality. This woman seems to have no empathy, she does not seem to understand the pain her cold behavior is causing you.
Let me now answer your questions:
But what I want to know is will I ever trust to love again?
Dear Friend, this depends entirely on you. Some people are not able to let the past go and they remain bitter and unable to trust people after experiencing cheating in a relationship. Others are able to let the past go and allow their heart to be open for a new love. You were unlucky to get together with a woman who has no empathy. But please let me tell you this: Most people are capable of empathy. Statistical probability that you will meet another cold person like your ex wife is quite small. So please let your heart be open for new love. You have nothing to lose. If you are keep an open and positive mind and do not give in to bitterness and pessimism you end up living a much happier life than if you are doubtful and dodging opportunities for new love to enter your life.
Do not let your ex wife destroy you. There are billions of people on this planet. If you keep your heart open you will definitely meet someone who you fall in love with. It would be a shame if the bitterness and depression caused by the behavior of your ex wife would prevent you from getting together with someone who truly loves you. Stay strong and let the time pass. Good things will sooner or later come your way, I am 100% sure of that.
Was leaving her right away the right thing to do?
Absolutely. Your ex wife destroyed your trust towards her. You said she had been behaving the same way in her past relationships. There is a clear pattern. This was all your ex wife's doing, none of the things that happened was your fault. You did the best you could. You were patient and understanding and offered the possibility of marriage counseling. Your wife responded with hate. Her personality is something you cannot change if she does not see any fault in herself. There was nothing more you could have done. You did the right thing by leaving. Never doubt that.
Should I try to make friends to try and get her help?
I think the best thing to do is to stay away for a while, at list for several months. You need to heal your heart. Do not sacrifice your happiness for this woman, after what she did to you. Your ex wife showed her personality by publicly expressing her hatred towards you in Twitter. At this point in her life she is clearly not ready to accept your help. If you try to help her, you only cause yourself more misery. Again let me say this: Your ex wife caused this situation, not you. You did the best you can to fix things. Your ex wife did not reciprocate. There was nothing more you could have done.
If you want to help your ex wife, perhaps you could talk to her father about these matters and ask him to try to get through to her. If you try to do it yourself, your ex wife will most likely get very defensive and refuses to see any fault in her behavior. If you write to her a letter and tell her about her problems, she will think you are strongly biased. But if someone in her family talks to her, perhaps she will be able to see the flaws in her behavior. You have done all you can. It is out of your hands now. It is time for you to think of yourself. You need to find your own happiness. It is clear that this woman cannot make you happy. Do not let her cause you any more misery. You deserve much better.
Is there help for her?
This depends totally on her. The only way your ex wife can improve her behavior is if she understands how her behavior is affecting people around her. Based on your story it seems this woman is lacking empathy. She needs to see the flaws in herself, that is the only way she can start to work on her problems. Only time will tell if she is able to change her behavior. Please do not wait around for that to happen. In a long run it is not worth it. You deserve to be happy. It will take a while, but eventually you WILL get over this. Many people have been through what you are now going through and they have survived. You will survive too. Trust me. Stay strong and remember that you are not alone. Please write to me anytime you feel like it.
Warm hug,
Maria
If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, send me email to
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Stories - Narcissism 
It seems one commonality that is across almost all of these stories that all people should be aware of: notice we tend to meet these people when they are still in a relationship? They can't be alone. A big red flag in my books now.
I felt like I had a lot in common to this story in comparison to mine especially in how suddenly it went from a fairy tale to a nightmare. These people are very destructive and don't truly love - hence the reason you should just run. Don't try to help her, its pointless and going to prolong the moving on process. Cut ties, get divorced and learn to avoid NPD sufferers in the future. Before you know it you will find someone that is truly capable of love and this will be just a bad memory.