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Maria,
Thank you for this website. I have a lot going on with my life right now and I am hoping that you may be able to give me some answers.
I broke up with my husband about one year ago when I found out that he was having an affair with his previous girlfriend. For so long he kept putting me down, saying that I was a leach that would just suck & suck. Often he would say I wish you would just die and I would say how can you say that, and he would say "it would make things easier wouldn't it". For so long I had to watch what I said out of fear that he would put me down in front of friends (he did it many times), so I was always on guard.
Before I found out that he was having the affair I was over 34 weeks pregnant and he would say I was selfish wanting another baby. I felt so alone and I did not want him in the labor room with me. He turned up 5 minutes before our daughter was born. I discovered he was with his lover that very day when I had gone into labor. Labor had subsided and I told him to go back to work which he said he did but from txt messages I found out he went to his lover instead.
He could be so cruel. He once told me that I repulsed him so I threw my wedding ring at him and he made me look for it for 3 weeks, heavily pregnant, lifting up couches etc. Other times he filmed me on video saying that I was hitting him when I was nowhere near him. He also did this when I called triple 000.
In the peak of his affair I would try and get physical with him and he would say to me "You cant just expect me to switch on and off". We were sleeping in separate rooms for some time as I was heavily pregnant and also had very young children and he was a heavy snorer. I asked him to come back in the same bed and he would always make excuses such as when the baby is born he will.
When I asked him if he was having a affair he said he wasn't and looked me in the eyes, he said that he just wanted to be on his own. He said that I had changed and that we had nothing in common. His phone was out of sight and I never saw his friends. I read letters from ex girlfriends saying that he went back to his ex girlfriends, his mother even admitted this to me and said it was not me, it was him that was the problem and that he needed to go back and see his therapist.
He was recently assessed by a family psychologist who told me that he will never change and will always be like this. I was advised that he is a man with some significant personality problems that appear to be very rigid. She commented that my lack of confidence emerged from my husbands rigid, inflexible style of thinking. She also noted that he is inflexible, determined to enforce a structure etc. with the children. He has a sense of superiority and rigid, idealized concepts of parenting. He is angry, relentless in his narrative, difficult to interrupt and has suppressed hostility. When challenged he would bristle angrily. (Click the link below to read the rest of this story).
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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.
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Dear Friend,
Thank you for sending your story. I am so sorry to hear what you have been through. It seems clear that you have been dealing with a person who has serious behavioral issues. It is good that you have a confirmation of a professional psychologist who has met your husband. It helps you to recover from all that you have been through when you know that the fault was not in you.
I understand your worry regarding your children. The actual mechanism that is causing narcissism is not known, however there are several theories regarding the origin of this personality disorder. It seems that a childhood environment does play a certain role in the development of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). According to some researchers, if a child is lacking warm and safe environment and a close, trusting and respectful relationship with his or her parents, a child may not develop a normal ability to experience empathy. Inability to feel empathy is a typical trait of a narcissistic person. Inability to experience empathy can often lead to abusive behavior as an adult.
 Your children are still very young. You can greatly influence their sense of security and trust in their parents (in this case in you more than in your husband). I strongly believe that it is better for your children to grow up without their father's daily presence if it is clear that their father has behavioral issues. According to your family psychologist who has met your husband this seems to be the case.
You cannot prevent your children from having any contact with their father. Even if you could do it, in a long run it might not serve the interests of your children. However, if your husband has serious behavioral issues it means that it is your responsibility to make sure that your children will develop a healthy and balanced view of the relationship between a parent and a child and also a relationship between two adults.
I believe it would be harmful for your children if they witnessed the disrespectful and dishonest behavior of their father towards their mother. They might grow up thinking that is a "normal" relationship between two adults. I am sure you would rather wish your children to have a healthy view of a relationship between two people who have decided to share their lives and start a family. (Click the link below to read the rest of this reply).
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Dear Friend, during next several years you have a great power over the environment your children are growing up in. It is enough for a child to have one good parent. If you provide your children love and emotional support (as I am sure you will!), they will have the best chance to become balanced, happy adults.
Warm hug,
Maria
If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, send me email to
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Stories - Narcissism 
I own a CAR!!!!!
he actually never cheated..so...
What an amazing website...I am so relieved that I am not alone while it disappoints me that others are experiencing simular difficulties to myself. I met my partner 2 1/2 years ago, like a whirlwind this hansome and charming prince swept me off my feet, and seemed to embrace my 3 children. In the blindness of love I ignored the niggling doubts of certain little comments that I felt uncomfortable with. This man promised so much love and devotion he wanted to spend every minute with me. Things started going down hill fast, he seemed unsettled like he wanted to get away all the time, began to exclude me from his social life, I caught him admiring and charming other women on the net, he would call me names put me down, compare me to other women he had been with, rejecting me physically and hurting me mentally and physically when I was carrying our child and beyond. It has all been so confusing. I thought that I was a strong independant woman and yet i feel like a lapdog waiting for him to show me little titbits of affection! how sad. All this time I have been worrying about the impact on my children seeing this destructive relationship. He calls me a control freak because I have been scared that he is out in the pubs gettting his ego stroked while I am at home with the children, but he does not stop to think where my insecutities come from. I have self respect yet this has been trodded on for too long. I am sick of feeling depressed and anxious, trying to hold down a job and college with this emotional turmoil going on in my head. Fed up with hearing myself complain;full of self pity. And yet I hear your stories which bring the tears and let me release the pent up anger and frustration of the indignation i feel for the fact that someone can treat me this way and get away with it. I love with my heart and my soul, I thought everyone did! obviously not, some people do not know how to love its a travesty all children deserve to learn love and empathy. It is sad but I cannot spend my life trying to teach someone how to love me, when they do not really love themselves although the word narcisissm suggests that they do. These words are easy yet the reality of leaving is so hard. we live apart now I am trying to move on with my life investing all of my energy into people who deserve the love I have to offer; my beautiful innocent children who are so wonderful yet never good enough for him (apart from our baby because he is his blood). . For now though I will try to be content to heal my mind in this crazy world of relationships. Sending hugs, love and light to all you fellow survivors.
Rach