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___________ The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world. If you wish to read more about me, please visit page Site Overview.
___________ It is very difficult to end a relationship with a narcissist. It took long time for me to realize the negative effect my relationship was having on my life. I started to have all the symptoms of depression. I could not sleep, I kept waking up at night, I had bad dreams related to my narcissistic spouse. I knew my symptoms were caused by my bad relationship, but it took long time for me to realize that the only way I could regain my happiness, mental balance and physical health was to end the relationship with my narcissistic spouse. It took about one year for me to make the decision to break up. I was mentally "addicted" to my narcissistic spouse and even though my spouse treated me badly I felt life without my spouse would be even more sad and empty than life with him. This is typical trap where people in mentally and physically abusive relationships fall into. It is almost impossible for an outsider to realize how deep those mental hooks can be buried and how hard it is to break free from an abusive relationship with a narcissistic spouse. If you wish to read about the methods I used to teach my mind and brain to get rid of my "addiction" to a narcissist, please visit page Recovery After Cheating.
 At one point I was looking back and analyzing how last couple years had been for me. I realized I had not been feeling happy one single day in my relationship during last one year. There had been some moments when I felt some kind of happiness but every day there was at list one occasion when I felt sad, depressed or anxious when I was thinking of my relationship with my narcissistic spouse. I realized I had not been able to enjoy my relationship for a long time. And if that is the case, what is the point in being in a relationship in a first place?
That was the point when i knew I had to stop the relationship. I started to detach myself mentally from my narcissistic spouse. I forced myself to think of life without my spouse as something positive rather than negative. Human brain is an amazing device. The brain does not change overnight, for good or bad. It takes long time for depression to develop and it takes long time for the brain to recover from depression. I realized I had slowly become depressed because of constant mental abuse performed by my narcissistic spouse. My depression had developed gradually over the course of several years, that is why I had not realized what was happening until I was looking at things from distance. My friends had told me I no longer laughed or smiled as often as I used to, but I had not payed attention to that. My memory had become worse, I started to forget things I used to remember well. All these things were warning signs of depression but I had not been aware of them. Dreams of life without a narcissist When I finally realized the seriousness of my condition I decided to change my life. I decided I would not let my narcissistic spouse to destroy my life and my future. I decided to undo what my narcissistic spouse had done to me. I knew the brain is very plastic and that if the brain can change to one direction, it can change to another as well. I decided to start to train my brain and teach myself new positive way of thinking, instead of dwelling in depression and sad thoughts. I started to force myself to think positive thoughts. I forced myself to smile and laugh and little by little those things started to come out naturally, on their own. After saying every day to myself "I am happier on my own, I do not want this kind of life, I do not want to be with a narcissistic mental abuser", I actually started to believe in this and I started to think of my life without my narcissistic spouse as something good, something I wanted to achieve, rather than something empty and sad. I started to see my life with my narcissistic spouse empty and sad. It was not easy to train myself to think like this. It took long time but in the end I reached the point where I felt strong, I felt my narcissistic spouse no longer controlled my life. I felt I was in control of my life and I would make my own decisions. I wanted to live a happy life, not the life filled with sadness, anxiety and depression. I knew that if I stayed with my narcissistic spouse my life would be very unhappy. I decided not to let that happen. Looking back, this seems like the most logical, simple and easy decision to make. But I know exactly how hard it is to actually do it. If you wish to learn about ways I used to train my brain to let go of my narcissistic spouse, you can go to page Recovery After Cheating and read about the methods one can use to teach the brain and the mind to deal with all sorts of tragedies in life, such as cheating and betrayal. Same methods are helpful in dealing with the emotions related to a narcissistic spouse. If you can control your emotions, it is so much easier to decide what you wish to do with your relationship with a narcissist. The day will come when you are strong enough to break free  The point of this story is to show you that you can break free from an abusive relationship with a narcissist. You do not have to be a victim and let someone else to decide of your happiness and your future. Making the decision to leave a narcissistic spouse and a mentally abusive relationship is hard, but it is doable. I did it, you can do it too. The world on the other side is so much more beautiful than the dark cave you are now living in with your narcissistic spouse. A narcissist can never change, so please do not hold on to a false hope. You will be so much happier on your own, more happy than you can imagine!
To read more personal stories of life with a narcissistic spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse. To read more about narcissism and how the mind of a narcissist works, go to section Narcissism. To read about cheating and how the mind of a cheater works, go to section Cheating and Infidelity. To read personal stories of life with a cheating spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Cheating and Infidelity. You can write to me and tell about your experiences by going to page Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse, Information. If you wish to read more about me and my background, please go to page Site Overview. From Site Overview you can read short description of contents of this site. If you are in relationship with a narcissistic mental abuser, I believe you will find useful information from this site that will help you to heal. Go to other sections of this site by clicking Main Menu links (upper left bar). - Maria Ps. Please read this thread in discussion forum for more details about my relationship and how I was able to free myself from my narcissistic partner: How I was able to end relationship with my narcissistic spouse. If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, click
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mine is as cunning as my alcohol problem, i noticed i began to drink more to cope with his erratic behavior and strange lies. i took the bull by the horn today and attended my first aa meeting in 3 years. because i cant let him kill me for his amusement. im making plans now but he keeps atight rein on money so it will take time but in the meanwhile im going to work on myself and my problems and leave him to his own demise. im not longer going to feed the bear....with my enotional crys or asking for change....in other words i knew i had moved into my own room for a reason 4 months ago...i was emotionally divorcing him and him me...because he did not ever ask why i did this...any advice would be appreciated.