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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world. If you wish to read more about me, please visit page Site Overview.

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It is very difficult to end a relationship with a narcissist. It took long time for me to realize the negative effect my relationship was having on my life. I started to have all the symptoms of depression. I could not sleep, I kept waking up at night, I had bad dreams related to my narcissistic spouse. I knew my symptoms were caused by my bad relationship, but it took long time for me to realize that the only way I could regain my happiness, mental balance and physical health was to end the relationship with my narcissistic spouse.

It took about one year for me to make the decision to break up. I was mentally "addicted" to my narcissistic spouse and even though my spouse treated me badly I felt life without my spouse would be even more sad and empty than life with him. This is typical trap where people in mentally and physically abusive relationships fall into. It is almost impossible for an outsider to realize how deep those mental hooks can be buried and how hard it is to break free from an abusive relationship with a narcissistic spouse. If you wish to read about the methods I used to teach my mind and brain to get rid of my "addiction" to a narcissist, please visit page Recovery After Cheating.

At one point I was looking back and analyzing how last couple years had been for me. I realized I had not been feeling happy one single day in my relationship during last one year. There had been some moments when I felt some kind of happiness but every day there was at list one occasion when I felt sad, depressed or anxious when I was thinking of my relationship with my narcissistic spouse. I realized I had not been able to enjoy my relationship for a long time. And if that is the case, what is the point in being in a relationship in a first place?

That was the point when i knew I had to stop the relationship. I started to detach myself mentally from my narcissistic spouse. I forced myself to think of life without my spouse as something positive rather than negative. Human brain is an amazing device. The brain does not change overnight, for good or bad. It takes long time for depression to develop and it takes long time for the brain to recover from depression. I realized I had slowly become depressed because of constant mental abuse performed by my narcissistic spouse.

My depression had developed gradually over the course of several years, that is why I had not realized what was happening until I was looking at things from distance. My friends had told me I no longer laughed or smiled as often as I used to, but I had not payed attention to that. My memory had become worse, I started to forget things I used to remember well. All these things were warning signs of depression but I had not been aware of them.

Dreams of life without a narcissist

When I finally realized the seriousness of my condition I decided to change my life. I decided I would not let my narcissistic spouse to destroy my life and my future. I decided to undo what my narcissistic spouse had done to me. I knew the brain is very plastic and that if the brain can change to one direction, it can change to another as well. I decided to start to train my brain and teach myself new positive way of thinking, instead of dwelling in depression and sad thoughts. I started to force myself to think positive thoughts. I forced myself to smile and laugh and little by little those things started to come out naturally, on their own. (Click the link below to read the rest of this story).

>>  CLICK HERE TO READ THE REST OF THIS STORY  <<

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To learn more about the ways to train the brain to let go of narcissistic spouse, visit page Recovery After Cheating. To read more personal stories of life with a narcissistic spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse. To read more about narcissism and how the mind of a narcissist works, go to section Narcissism. To read about cheating and how the mind of a cheater works, go to section Cheating and Infidelity. To read personal stories of life with a cheating spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Cheating and Infidelity.

You can write to me and tell about your experiences by going to page Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse, Information. If you wish to read more about me and my background, please go to page Site Overview. From Site Overview you can read short description of contents of this site. If you are in relationship with a narcissistic mental abuser, I believe you will find useful information from this site that will help you to heal. Go to other sections of this site by clicking Main Menu links (upper left bar).

- Maria

Ps. Please read this thread in discussion forum for more details about my relationship and how I was able to free myself from my narcissistic partner: How I was able to end relationship with my narcissistic spouse.

If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, send me email to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

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Comments (28)

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• |2012-05-12 04:50:26 Fanny  - Loving Lucifer
  I was in a relationship with a somatic classical narcissist for 7yrs. I thought he was my soul mate but became his slave, his punching bag. The reason I lasted so long was I kept begging him to take me back as I was addicted to him. He is lazy and I was resourceful and capable probably a gold standard supplier he became increasingly dependent upon. And he must have hated me for it as the abuse just got to a daily basis . Dont need to repeat as its same story with everyone else. ( that's the interesting thing about them. You think they are unpredictable but once you know what's room, they are easy to spot and easy to predict. I never knew for 7 yrs what's wrong with him and when he dumped me 4 days ago with the most cruel words, I decided to goggle on the net to look for help on how to handle my broken heart....to my horror, I stumbled into the meaning of narcissist and he fits in the profile, behaviour perfectly and he is not borderline but full blown. This discovery has made me realised that I have been in love with a deranged monster and I have to be strong. I fought against my addiction and changed the lock of the house . I thought he is gone forever but today he called me using a bait about my car which is still with him. When I called back he tried to tell me I was stupid to misread him and he never said anything about breaking off (!!! ) I told him I am out of the country and needed time to think. So confident he was, he emailed me to order me to fly back immediately and to " cut the crap"' . I wanted to laugh but I have decided to let him think I am leaving him because I am broken hearted and care too much for him. I don't want to let him know I am happy to go or make him angry as I think he is vicious and capable of harming me. I have no intention to go back. The idea of him being alone with me in the room or making love to me now gives me the creeps after all what I have read. Like many victims, I didn't know what's was wrong with him and I felt sorry for him and thought he could change and he loved me. Frankly, he hated me otherwise why the verbal abuse and mental torture??? He is not worth it and I am happy to move on. Yea....I feel the bouts of depression, sadness but I reminded myself, my original vision of him being perfect, my soul mate was only his false self. He is like lucifer, beautiful on the outside and totally cruel and deranged inside. I think narcissit are worse than sadist and being indifferent as opposed to any feelings (bad or good) is that of an inhuman person. For all of you who are in the same shoes, don't bother to try and change him. Run for your lives. You should avoid being such a situation again. Believe me, we victims become like addicts to them but like any addicts, once we muster the courage to move on, we are much much happier and whole. I am working on becoming the person I was before he changed me and made me lose my confidence, stressed, sad and lost. I am out of the torture chamber.
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• |2011-10-12 16:30:12 Bill  - Divorcing a Narcissist Wife
  Most of the articles I have read deal with women leaving a husband. I am dealing with a narcissist wife which I have heard can be worse. I read this article and all symptoms apply to my relationship. I will add one more issue I a dealing with. I am a very caring person and love women so my biggest hinderance to leaving the relationship is strictly feeling of sorry for my wife.
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• |2011-08-20 10:39:55 ann  - im trying no contact..seems to be the way to go!
  I met the most charming, thoughtful, intense, unique and fun man 18 months ago. He showered me with love and affection and endless compliments. Told me i was his soul mate and he never wanted to lose me, he asked me to marry him after a few weeks. I fell in love with him and thought he was the man of my dreams and the man i wanted to be with forever.
  His mask slipped about 4 weeks into the relationship when he got jeoulos because i went to my friends house for a few drinks, he started sending crude sexual texts calling us lesbians. (the warning signs were there, i ignored them and put it down to him drinking)
  He lives in a big house and cant afford the hefty mortgage(but wouldnt sell it) so kept pestering me to move in. I wouldnt as the relationship was so on and off and im a single parent with two children. He text me it was over, out of the blue for no reason and a week later his ex (he had already left me twice for her) moved in to help with the mortgage. She stripped her entire house in one day to be with him. I was totally heartbroken and wondered how someone who loves me so much could do such a thing. He didnt seem to care or feel guilty about the way he had treated me or her, he didnt want to lose his house that was more important to him than peoples feelings and lives. He text me rubbing my nose in how happy he was with a woman that adores him. That lasted four days (she stripped his house in one day to) and he was begging for me to have him back so i had him back, i wanted him so much i even thought maybe i should of just moved in! crazy.
  He starts an argument out of nowere something thats happened weeks, months ago. He then dumps me sends abusive texts calling me awful things saying he wants nothing more to do with me, totally cold and unreasonable. I blame myself, I cry for a week. Then he texts me how much he misses me cant live without me im the love of his life. I go back, it lasts 3 weeks tops.
  Its like a mad rollercoaster i cant seem to get off. I feel confused and guilty all the time, a whats wrong with me feeling. Im tired of the constant battle and wondering how longs it going to last this time. (12 days) I cant believe how i could be so weak and stupid to put up with this nonsense.
  I knew his behaviour wasnt normal and started researching personality disorders. He fits the Narcissistic to a tee. Massive wake up call im so glad i came across it i now know he will never change and i cant live like this and its not ME. Were on another split and i am doing my damndest to have zero contact. I feel stronger every day without the endless texts either telling me im the most amazing woman ever or im rubbish. I hope i can get over this addiction (as my mum calls it) and go back to being my old happy self.
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• |2011-08-19 11:57:57 Anonymous  - Need Alot Of Help! :(
  I feel I won't be happy without him. But being with him doesn't make me happy either ;( ;(
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• |2011-06-17 03:51:36 DG  - Wow, it all makes sense now.
  I really got so much needed information from this site. I've been in a relationship with a man that has EVERY behavior described under the Narcissistic personality profile. Wow, I am so relieved now to see why it has been impossible to have a close and honest relationship with him. I can finally start seeing this relationship as it is and not what I had worked so hard for or what I wanted it to be. the whole time has been so emotionally excrutiating, I really thought I was going crazy. The harder things got, the harder I tried...walking on eggshells and always trying to make everything okay. Whew, what a relief that I no longer feel the need to do that. I can start to live "my" dreams. He may have broken my heart, torn down my spirit, but I will not give up the Hope of having an exciting, loving, trusting relationship. I just realized now that it won't be with him. It may take some time, but I will be able to move forward with a clear conscious and much more clarity on what I need to do.
  Thank you!
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• |2011-09-11 12:26:58 RJ
  It truly is like a light-bulb clicks allowing us to finally see things crystal clear. As I read your blog I almost wondered if I wrote it myself in my sleep...sounds like the same things I've been thinking but never put into words. 'Eggshells" sooo true,and it's NO WAY to live! To have spent 2 years with a man who has never been wrong, never uttered the words "I'm sorry" - what a fool I've been with my heart. It's taken me over a month to mentally prepare myself & gain strength to take the lead and end this. Thank you for sharing!
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• |2010-12-03 18:06:53 Lisa
  HowDoes one regain the energy thats zapped from us daily by these N
  people?
  Im drained as well after 19 yrs and suffer with self esteem issues as well now. how do you wake up and start gaining it back while still under the same roof as these N's. Some of us have no funds to just walk out, or some have kids and are afraid later what will happen if they walk out with the kids. Where is the damn end to living like this???
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• |2011-12-07 17:51:43 brandi
  you are going to have to get away from abuse, made him move out of home 5 yrs ago but still found the need to be abused every wknd so he could visit our disabled child all the while trying to build self esteem during the week(in college).We were together for 20yrs.i have realized after 20 yrs of being perfect wife mother, own my home,college grad as a nurse with a 4.0.In his eyes i am still nothing and I still feel like nothing!!! hoping to have some self esteem one day-n/c for 3months-God Bless us all!!You matter and your life counts too(happiness).Been pleasing wrong one for 20 yrs thats messed up and he NEVER appreciated!!Calls me selfish greedy lazy.(projection)I have no time to b lazy i cant tell you how much money he owes me-selfish thats funny!!evrythiiiiiiiiing i have ever done is put me aside!good luck_LEAVE
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• |2010-12-03 17:36:20 Ann McCoy  - free at last
  After 18 years with a narcissist I was drained of all self esteem. They have to hog all of the spotlight. This guy was a ballet dancer to boot. Everything is about them. At 64 I am waking up to a new life which is hard
  but I am on the path.
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• |2010-11-07 05:34:47 Anonymous
  Michelle,
  
  I got my alcoholic N to leave the home by finding another place for him to stay, while telling him how heartbroken I was and how I just wanted him to be happy. It worked and he left. I filed for papers as soon as he was out and the judge upheld it. The best advice with kids, plan very carefully before you act. Good luck!
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• |2010-10-21 16:17:47 Ge Ge  - Listen to this!!!
  I finally made my move after finding out that my husband was "sexting" a 29 year old woman he had hired, 3 days after our second anniversary. And I mean 1400 texts in 12 days. This (that I knew of) and I had told him after the second time that one more and I'm out.
  We had spent our anniversary (and my birthday, it was his idea to get married on my birthday) in Vegas. He kept wondering away from me...texting her of course. They were texting each other photos of themselves (private parts, masterbating, and all kinds of stuff.
  He had also done the same type of thing that I busted him on before we were married, I had just moved 650 miles away from my home and kids,and a $72K job and he was doing the same thing with a 24 year old female Harley mechanic.I forgave him, we got married and he never stopped. All the while being very sweet, flowers, cards, etc.
  What a shit bag. When I would bust him he became furious.
  He refused to go to counseling...I did go, and as told that men like him don't go because any counselor would recognize then in 2 seconds.By doin all this online or via text because he also has major intimacy issues...the man refused to have sex with me at night...he liked it fast ith no emotion in the morning!
  Long story short. Thankfully I didn't sell my home, and am back in it. It is paid for....I know I am so fortunate to get aay from him. I was his fourth wife...I am 54 years old, and had been single for 12 years before we met in this "whirlwind" relationship.
  But I'm out, moved back home and made it HIS responsibility to file for divorce. And by the way, the is still paying off (actually I paid alot while he was in between jobs) wife number 3 debt. He has forclosed on 2 homes in the past year, has NO credit standing at all, owes the gov. money....aaahhhh....I am so happy to be rid of him!
  Be strong ladies!
  One more thing.....hat about these women who sleep with married men???? How dare these whores!!!
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• |2010-10-21 11:16:59 christine  - Thanks for posting
  Hi,
  I want to thank the 2 last posters. I was in such a funk last night my alcoholic N was not picking up the phone and was out and about doing his self centered thing. As opposed to picking up the phone to hear how his son's first day at Disney went. We called numerous times and numbers. (My son was making requests to talk to Dad - what can you do?) It crushes me to watch this neglect! Plus, he's probably out drinking (which he will deny to the end - making me self doubt during the entire denial process).
  
  Your emails were in my phone's in-box and it made me forget how alone I am in all this N-generated emotional pain. THANK YOU!
  
  I want to remain positive and keep thinking about solutions but when you are tired they can get the best of you... I'm trying to keep that in mind but when you are tired you forget! Total catch 22! Thanks to all here and we all need to remember we are not crazy or alone! c
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