|
___________ The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world. If you wish to read more about me, please visit page Site Overview.
___________ I remember very vividly the turning points of my relationship with my narcissistic spouse. At first everything went well and I was head over heels in love. I felt I wanted to stay with this man for the rest of my life. I knew from the beginning that my spouse had some narcissistic features, but I ignored them. Actually, they made my spouse appear even more charming in my eyes. He appeared to be very proud and self-confident. It was only after some time had passed when I realized that under his huge ego my narcissistic spouse was actually very insecure person. Appearance was very important to him. As a true narcissist, my spouse wanted to be admired and praised by others. This led my spouse to cheat in all his relationships. He proudly told me he had cheated on every woman in his life, except me. I guess my narcissistic spouse thought that the fact he had not (yet) been cheating on me would make me feel I was "special". Sadly it had an opposite effect. When I heard these things regarding the past of my narcissistic spouse, I started to realize he was not the kind of a person I could ever fully trust. During next several years things gradually got worse. Even thought I could see this, it took a long time for me to become strong enough to leave my narcissistic spouse. I was literally addicted to him and even tho I realized he had a negative effect on me, I chose to stay with him. If you wish to read how I was finally able to get rid of my "addiction" to a narcissist, please visit page Recovery After Cheating.
Narcissist was always flirting with other women  My narcissistic spouse always flirted with other women. When we went to a restaurant, my spouse would flirt with the waitresses and would casually mention to me how "amazingly beautiful" those women were. Narcissist also made new "friends" who he took to restaurants when I was not in town. Narcissist claimed these people were simply friends, but these "friends" were always young women, who were admiring him and made him feel important, in other words provided him with a narcissistic supply.
Narcissist would tell those young women about his achievements at work, telling them "secrets" regarding his work in order to make those women feel that Narcissist really appreciated them a lot, since Narcissist was sharing this confidential information with them. Narcissist would send emails to these women, along with text messages, and would call them almost on daily basis, just "to see how they are doing", as he said to me when I asked why he was calling them so often.
Narcissist did not have real, equal male friends I realized at very early stage that my narcissistic spouse did not have "equal" male friends. Men of his own age, who were "normal" in that sense that they were smart, honest, honorable people, did not care for his company. Narcissist did have some male friends of his age, but those friends never called him or contacted him, it was always Narcissist who contacted them. Narcissist had only young people as his friends, people who would "look up to him", until they at some point left Narcissist when they moved on with their lives. At this point Narcissist would start to hunt for new people to fill the emptiness of his life. It was a point like this in his life when I stepped into picture. I was pretty good "victim", since I had never been in a relationship with a narcissistic person before and I could not recognize warning signs until it was too late. Narcissist was emotionally cold and uncaring
 My narcissistic spouse was capable of being extremely cold and rude towards me. He would talk highly of other women to me, saying those women were so much more pleasant than me and how much more Narcissist enjoyed their company etc. Narcissist was playing his sadistic game, and it took a while for me to realize that he had never loved me, he had loved the fact that I LOVED HIM. When my feelings towards Narcissist started to go down, Narcissist also started to lose interest in me, since I was no longer providing him with a narcissistic supply. At this point Narcissist started to look for another provider of a narcissistic supply, as narcissists always do.
I am glad my eyes finally opened and I saw the true personality of my narcissistic spouse. This made it possible for me to break free. I realized I never had what I in the beginning of the relationship thought I had. My narcissistic spouse never truly loved me. Sadly I believe my spouse is not capable of truly loving anyone. I realized that I should not feel bitterness and anger towards Narcissist, that would only make my own life miserable. Nowadays I only feel pity towards my former spouse, because one day his empty life is coming to an end and he will die feeling unsatisfied, small and lonely, as people like him feel all their lives. That feeling of emptiness is the reason why narcissists end up cheating and lying in their relationships: They are trying to search the fulfillment which they will never find. Instead of hating them, we should pity them. Better yet, we should live our lives happily, without sparing so much as a thought to those miserable souls which are so full of envy towards others. Living happily is the best "revenge" to your narcissist. It makes a narcissist feel angry and miserable when they see that others around them are capable of living a happy life without them. If you wish to learn about the ways I used to teach my brain to let go of my narcissistic spouse, go to page Recovery After Cheating. There you find information about the ways to teach the brain and the mind to deal with negative events in life such as betrayal and cheating. These methods can also be used to get over mentally abusive relationship. To read more personal stories of life with a narcissistic spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse. To read more about narcissism and how the mind of a narcissist works, go to section Narcissism. To read about cheating and how the mind of a cheater works, go to section Cheating and Infidelity. To read personal stories of life with a cheating spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Cheating and Infidelity. You can write to me and tell about your experiences by going to page Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse, Information. If you wish to read more about me and my background, please go to page Site Overview. From Site Overview you can read short description of contents of this site. If you are in relationship with a narcissistic mental abuser, I believe you will find useful information from this site that will help you to heal. Go to other sections of this site by clicking Main Menu links (upper left bar). - Maria Ps. Please read this thread in discussion forum for more details about my relationship and how I was able to free myself from my narcissistic partner: How I was able to end relationship with my narcissistic spouse. If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, click
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
|
