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Dear Maria,
I wrote to you earlier regarding my break up with my fiance. I have reached a stage where i feel there is no solution to my problems. He is now threatening me that he would share few of my mails with my colleagues in my workplace and with my family. I am not able to understand how to come out of this. He is acting as if he is the victim and as if I have been torturing him all these years. HE is blaming me for everything and is just pointing out things which have been my mistakes, like our intimacy.
He points out that my parents screamed at his parents, he seems to have forgotten that it was his family who started accusing my family of unpleasant things. He is projecting himself as if he was victimized by me and he was the one who tried all he could to get me back, instead of treating me as a monster and a girl who does not have a good character. He is alleging that its me and my family who are cheating guys like him and is threatening that he will send my mails to my friends and colleagues. I just want to be freed from his clutches. I have suffered enough with him during last 2 to 3 years. How do I free myself from this?
We are thinking of taking action on him legally in case he happens to spoil my name, but I am not sure whether he will really do what he is threatening, or if he is just saying it in order to scare me. But I dont want to take any legal action and spoil his career and life too. Maybe he is saying these things it in anger, but in case he does what he says, I dont know how to face everyone. Also, he knows few facts about one of my family member which he is mentioning in his emails and if those things will be known to the spouse of that particular family member's, it may spoil their marriage too. I know it was my mistake to tell him about it, I should not have trusted him. Now I just want to stop the damage happening to my family and family members also. (Click the link below to read the rest of this story).
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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.
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Dear Friend,
Thank you for writing back to me (to read previous message from this sender, click here). I am really sorry to hear about your difficult situation. I have written a lot about these topics on my website, please go through those articles, I wish they will give you encouragement and strength!
As for your current situation, you know that this is not the kind of life you want. You know that this is not the right man for you. Your life will always be misery if you stay with him. It does not matter whether he is a narcissist or not, this is the fact. If you stay with him, you will very likely be extremely unhappy woman. I am glad that you already seem to have made up your mind and you have ended this relationship. Now you must recover and heal your heart and also deal with other things you mentioned in your email. But the hardest part is already behind you: You have made the decision to end this destructive relationship. You are well on the way towards better, happier life!
Forget the thoughts of ending your life, you still have a GREAT life ahead of you! I am here for you, you are not alone. You are precious human being who deserves to be happy. Please read this article of Training the Brain to learn about the ways to help yourself to feel better. There are many things you can do to help yourself to heal.
Below are some practical advices I can think of for your situation. (Click the link below to read the rest of this reply).
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Dear Friend, you deserve to be happy. I recommend you to read about the mind control methods described on the page Recovery After Cheating and Living with a Narcissist. If you are able to control your emotions it will be easier for you to make the right decision regarding your life and your future.
I am here for you. Please keep writing and let me know how things are improving. You are in my thoughts!
- Maria
Ps. Read this thread in discussion forum of how I was able to free myself from my narcissistic partner: How I was able to end relationship with my narcissistic spouse.
Dear Reader, you can write to me and tell about your own experiences by going to page Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse, Information. If you wish to read more about me and my background, please go to page Site Overview. From Site Overview you can read short description of contents of this site. If you are interested in topics related to cheating, narcissism, mind and brain, please feel free to read my blog. Blog is being updated on daily basis. In case you want to read about methods I used to teach my mind to let go of "addiction" to my narcissistic spouse, please visit pages Control Your Emotions and Recovery After Cheating. If you are in relationship with a narcissistic mental abuser, I believe you will find useful information from this site that will help you to heal. You can also go to other sections of this site by clicking Main Menu links (left bar).
If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, send me email to
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Stories - Narcissism 
always felt i wasn't good enough in his mums eyes or sisters eyes always had to do things their way, they always 'helping out' in ways which just prove i wasn't good enough even telling me to lie about the fact i am half black to other family members, I saw though them straight away(although i didn't know about narcissim then) as time went on realised my partner is the same way constandly putting me down, comparing me to his perfect mum who can do no wrong she is perfect, blaming me for everything can never take the blame. we had a long distance relationship for 1st year then i moved away from my family and friends to be with him he didn't help to pay anything leaving me to pay all bills, food and rent etc not understanding why he should pay anything towards them, he also quit his job when i met him and he didn't get another until our son was 6 mths. he spent my money like it was his even to the level of spenting rent money then when I asked for the money back he was the hero for getting the money together because I was so bad with money! if i needed money i had to beg him and then he would throw it in my face of how much he does for me didn't help with housework but loved to tell me the house was a mess and i was lazy. the only friends I had down there were his family who looked down on me like something their stepped in. which is somthing he likes to throw in my face ' you have no friends' and also 'you will not find anyone that will treat you as good as i do'. he has been violent on occasions(one of which i was pregnant and holding my son) which is my fault for not shutting up, but as he didn't punch me it was nothing! nothing which left me bleeding and having to call the police! but i still didn't leave, anyway I found out i was pregnant again and I decided to move back near my family as so lonely and depressed down there constant arguements, put downs, putting me in debt etc i moved back home a couple of months ago he was supposed to move here with me and kids but he doesn't want to leave his friends and family! was ok for me to do. he came up when baby was born helped out for a couple of days to show how hes changed he soon got bored of this and left me to look after two kids and cook his food and tidy the house after not having much sleep but as usual he make sure he gets about 12 hr sleep a day!
as he was leaving he said he would take our oldest child with him for a couple of weeks to make it easier for me i said no as need to get used to having 2 kids and get my son used to the baby plus his family totally spoil him beyond normal spoiling its like they want him to love them more then me like a competion, they dont tell him off for example he hit his cousin and my husbands sister ran off to get him a pack of crisp(chips)! so as a result when he comes home he acts up as he has got away with everything and he is only naughty when with me! hes a good boy when will them so i end up being the bad guy cos i discipline him and they just keep him quiet with sweets so obviously i didn't want this as more work with baby, then i made the mistake of telling him that my mum(who he totally hates always putting my family down they are below him which i must be too) said she would take my son for a couple of hrs here and there to help me out he totally went beserk left the house to drive back home then sent me msgs telling me to let him know when he could pick up our son as he wasn't gonna stay up here anymore just take his son and go when he got home he called me screaming and cussing calling every name under the sun and if i didnt arrange times for him to collect son he would go through lawyer and if he had to do that i should watch my back and also iam a bad mother and he will take the kids from me totally threating me and my family which has done before, after when he calmed down and phoned me again i tell him i was hurt by his tirade he told me he wasn't gonna say sorry as i hurt his feelings by saying my mum would help out. i can't live like this anymore and i don't want the kids around it or his manipulitive family, he also says he wants to get my son his passport and take him aboard which i can't trust him with as he has threatened to take my son away more than once and also to take custody which would be his mum looking after the kids not him! i keep going to call the domestic abuse helpline to get moved to somewhere safe as he has threatened to come to house with people when angry at me, but i can't do it as feel guilty for taking the kids from him and his family i don't know why as would love to be free from this rollercoster of emotions and live a happy stress free life with my kids, i am also scared he will find me and i know how mad he will be if i leave he mentioned getting a gun the other day which scares me either way whether i stay with him or not. sorry this is all over the place and i haven't wrote half of the stuff i have dealt with in the past 3 yrs writing this has helped me realise i really do need to leave as he will never change and i have finally told my mum what i have dealt with with him i just need the courage to leave I know i need to. i am keeping it civil with him at the moment as if i ignore him he will come to the house and kick off but he knows he hurt me and is in nice mode at the moment offering money and gifts and i know what he is doing but still feel evil for planning to leave feel like i have to wait for one of his rages before i can make arrangements to leave as he is over 200 miles away feel i have time but know he and family could decide to visit at anytime and they would bully me into letting them take my son. why can't i just go?