Dear Maria,

I wrote to you earlier regarding my break up with my fiance. I have reached a stage where i feel there is no solution to my problems. He is now threatening me that he would share few of my mails with my colleagues in my workplace and with my family. I am not able to understand how to come out of this. He is acting as if he is the victim and as if I have been torturing him all these years. HE is blaming me for everything and is just pointing out things which have been my mistakes, like our intimacy.

We are thinking of taking action on him legally in case he happens to spoil my name, but I am not sure whether he will really do what he is threatening, or if he is just saying it in order to scare me. But I dont want to take any legal action and spoil his career and life too. Maybe he is saying these things it in anger, but in case he does what he says, I dont know how to face everyone. Also, he knows few facts about one of my family member which he is mentioning in his emails and if those things will be known to the spouse of that particular family member's, it may spoil their marriage too. I know it was my mistake to tell him about it, I should not have trusted him. Now I just want to stop the damage happening to my family and family members also.

I am not able to tell this to anyone, not even to my family. My family is supporting me completely and they too are suffering a lot, but these cheap and dirty things which he is doing is making everybody hurt. I do not want these things to be told to my friends or colleagues and spoil my career. I am feeling tortured by his abusive emails. His parents feel there is nothing wrong in what he is doing. They too feel that I am wrong. Only I know what really happened between me and him, how much he has tortured me.

I dont want to continue with him anymore, I just want him to stop these crappy ways of threatening me and move on with his life and let me live. I do not know how to do this. I am fed up of everything, I am having thoughts about ending my life so that everything ends. I do not want my parents name to be spoiled because of my mistakes. Now I completely believe he is a narcissist. And I want to know the means by which I can safely detach from a narcissist. I need your assistance in this. Kindly reply to my mail soon and let me know how to overcome this situation and to prevent further damage to my life as well as to his life.

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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world. If you wish to read more about me, please visit page Site Overview.

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Dear Friend,

Thank you for writing back to me (to read previous message from this sender, click here). I am really sorry to hear about your difficult situation. I have written a lot about these topics on my website, please go through those articles, I wish they will give you encouragement and strength!

As for your current situation, you know that this is not the kind of life you want. You know that this is not the right man for you. Your life will always be misery if you stay with him. It does not matter whether he is a narcissist or not, this is the fact. If you stay with him, you will very likely be extremely unhappy woman. I am glad that you already seem to have made up your mind and you have ended this relationship. Now you must recover and heal your heart and also deal with other things you mentioned in your email. But the hardest part is already behind you: You have made the decision to end this destructive relationship. You are well on the way towards better, happier life! Forget the thoughts of ending your life, you still have a GREAT life ahead of you! I am here for you, you are not alone. You are precious human being who deserves to be happy!

Below are some practical advices I can think of for your situation.

Think for a moment if you did not love this man. How would you then behave in this situation, with him threatening you like that with emails and all? How would you solve that situation if it was a stranger doing that to you? It can be that your past love towards this man is blinding your judgment a bit and you do not see all your options as clearly as you otherwise would.

You are worried what people will think if they read those emails. That worry is very natural. But the fact is that most likely nobody will react as badly as you think even if he would send something. Imagine if you would hear such things about somebody. Would you spend 24/7 thinking about it? No! You might think about it for a moment, but that is it, then you go on with your own life. You are not thinking about things of others all day long, right? That is the same for people around you. They will not spend their days thinking of you, dont worry about it!

Accept the fact that he might be crazy enough to send something. But if he does that, all the people who receive that something will think that he is totally low class person, cruel, narcissistic, cold etc since he is pulling a childish act like that. Their sympathy will be on YOUR side, no matter what it is in those emails. No adult person does that kind of thing to another person. Everyone around you will know this. So it is not YOU who will be ashamed if he does something crazy, it is HIM.

There are things you can do to try to prevent him from sending anything. You can tell him that you have already went to police and asked what actions you should take should he sent something. Be calm when you say this. I am sure that he will not take risk of ruining his own reputation in order to get revenge on you. If you do not wish to see him in person, you can send email to him, in which you say that you already went to police and they told you that he will be committing a crime if he is sending your PRIVATE emails to anyone. Tell him in your email that if you hear he has been doing that, you will report it to police immediately and you will make sure that people will know he has committed a crime. THIS IS IMPORTANT: I am only saying this assuming that you live in a country where basic human rights are more or less in order. If you think he might freak out after receiving this kind of email from you, and for example do something to you, then please do not do this. I do not want anything bad to happen to you!

If he anyhow sends some emails, then go to police and let them handle it (if you can do this sort of thing in your country without causing problems to yourself). Also make sure that he knows beforehand that if he sends something, you will make sure that everyone will know that you have went to report him to police. That is also frightening to him, a thought of being "humiliated" like that if everyone will know about this. The most important thing for you is to stay calm and act adult. Let him do the child playing stuff. He will only humiliate himself.

Please do not have hopes in the back of your mind of getting back together with this kind of a person... I know it can be so difficult to let go of relationship, even when you know it is not good for you. I can tell you, my friend, that he is never going to change. The only way for you is out. You must force yourself to act like a robot and take necessary actions to shut him out of your life, as soon as possible. Do not be in contact with him, start to heal your heart and your mind. Your family and friends will help you. I will help you. If you get back together with him after all this humiliation he has put you through, you will lose your self-esteem and you will become sad and depressed woman. I do not wish that for you.

I recommend you to read about the mind control methods described on the page Recovery After Cheating and Living with a Narcissist. If you are able to control your emotions it will be easier for you to make the right decision regarding your life and your future.

I am here for you. Please keep writing and let me know how things are improving. You are in my thoughts!

- Maria

Ps. Read this thread in discussion forum of how I was able to free myself from my narcissistic partner: How I was able to end relationship with my narcissistic spouse.

Dear Reader, you can write to me and tell about your own experiences by going to page Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse, Information. If you wish to read more about me and my background, please go to page Site Overview. From Site Overview you can read short description of contents of this site. If you are interested in topics related to cheating, narcissism, mind and brain, please feel free to read my blog. Blog is being updated on daily basis. In case you want to read about methods I used to teach my mind to let go of "addiction" to my narcissistic spouse, please visit pages Control Your Emotions and Recovery After Cheating. If you are in relationship with a narcissistic mental abuser, I believe you will find useful information from this site that will help you to heal. You can also go to other sections of this site by clicking Main Menu links (left bar).

If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, click This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

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