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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world. If you wish to read more about me, please visit page Site Overview.

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This article is for those who are struggling to get mentally rid of a narcissist after breaking up the relationship. Breaking up is hard in general, but breaking up with a narcissist is especially demanding. All sorts of feelings are going through your head. Let me tell you about my personal experience of breaking up with a narcissist and how I was able to get away from it with least amount of damage to the integrity of my mind. If you wish to read about the methods I used to teach my mind and brain to get rid of my "addiction" to a narcissist, please visit page Recovery After Cheating. 

I had been in emotionally stressing relationship with a narcissist for several years when I finally found the strength in me to break the vicious cycle. Throughout the relationship my narcissistic spouse had been emotionally distant and mentally abusive. When looking back I can say that the first year of our relationship was more or less happy, even thought my narcissistic spouse was already then showing the signs of ignorance towards my feelings. He would get very upset due to tiny insignificant things. Later on I learned what I experienced was a phenomenon called narcissistic rage.

Everything I later read about narcissism fits perfectly to my spouse. He was unable to feel empathy towards others. He expected special treatment and had big plans and dreams. He could not accept any criticism. If I tried to solve whatever problems there were in our relationship by talking, Narcissist would either get angry or withdraw from situation. Narcissist was never able to apologize and due to this the memories of his misbehaving accumulated in my mind and I became gradually more and more sad and depressed due to the unsolved problems in our relationship.

When I finally decided to break up I was amazed how relieved I felt. I thought I would be miserable and devastated and would be missing my narcissistic spouse very much, but my feeling was completely opposite. Of course I felt sad due to the fact that our relationship did not work out. But primary feeling in my mind was RELIEF. When I looked into my future I saw no more pain, no more fear, no more insecurity and dishonesty, mistrust, cheating, shouting, criticism etc. All I saw was PEACE.

I was amazed by this, I never would have expected this kind of reaction. Later I realized that my reaction was due to an extensive "groundwork" I had already done during the last year of our relationship. Last year had been so difficult for me mentally that I had already processed the eparation in my mind several times. I had already been through the mental turmoil, sadness, longing, feelings of loss and failure etc. When separation was finally reality I felt so strongly it was the only right decision that it was impossible for me to feel strong urge to return back together with Narcissist.

The power of No Contact

After separation I decided not to be in contact with my narcissistic spouse. I immediately saw how his behavior changed. He started to behave exactly the same way as narcissists are described to behave if they feel they have lost their narcissistic supply. Narcissist started to send me emotional emails, talked about his love towards me, tried to call me etc. I chose to be silent.

To my surprise I noticed it was not as hard as I would have thought. The more Narcissist pursued me the more certain I was that I had done the right decision. Even tho I did feel occasionally sad when I looked back and remembered the good times we shared, I enjoyed the feeling of "being in control". I knew that if I wanted I could get Narcissist back with only one word. It was my decision, no longer his. I was the one who held the leash.

After experiencing something devastating it feels so good when you feel you are again in control of your life. I think the biggest reason for our mental pain during our relationship with a narcissist is the feeling that we cannot control our life and our future. If a narcissist decides to leave us there is nothing we can do about it. It creates the feelings of insecurity and depression when one feels one cannot control one's own destiny.

But this time I was the one who made the decisions. I enjoyed that feeling for a while and for a short moment I let Narcissist believe there was a chance we might get back together. Perhaps I was cruel doing this, but I felt I was entitled for a small compensation after the hell he put me through during our relationship. I enjoyed the unexpected feeling of power for a brief moment. Then I made my choice. I chose LIFE. And I have never regret it.

If you wish to learn about the ways I used to train my mind and my brain to let go of a narcissist, please visit page Recovery After Cheating. To read more personal stories of life with a narcissistic spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse. To read more about narcissism and how the mind of a narcissist works, go to section Narcissism. To read about cheating and how the mind of a cheater works, go to section Cheating and Infidelity. To read personal stories of life with a cheating spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Cheating and Infidelity.

I created this website to help those who are dealing with narcissists and / or cheating in their relationship. If you wish to read more about me and my background, please go to page Site Overview. From Site Overview you can read short description of contents of this site and you find out how to contact me. If you are interested in topics related to cheating, narcissism, mind and brain, please feel free to read my blog. Blog is being updated on daily basis. In case you want to read about the ways I used to teach my mind to let go of my narcissistic spouse, visit pages Control Your Emotions and Recovery After Cheating. If you are in a relationship with a narcissistic mental abuser, I believe you will find useful information from this site that will help you to heal. You can also go to other sections of this site by clicking Main Menu links (left bar).

- Maria

Ps. Please read this thread in discussion forum for more details about my relationship and how I was able to free myself from my narcissistic partner: How I was able to end relationship with my narcissistic spouse.

If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, click This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

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