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Healing after Cheating and Narcissism Print E-mail



The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.


Learning to Control Your Emotions

You have navigated to these pages because you are having problems in your relationship and consequently you are going through all sorts of negative emotions related to your spouse. Some of the emotions that you are experiencing may include:

  • Anger
  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • Humiliation
  • Severe mental pain

The most important thing for you to do is to get rid of the mental pain, only after that you can decide what you wish to do with your relationship. You may wish to stay with your partner or you may choose to go your separate ways. Whatever you decide to do, it is best that you make your decision with a clear mind and not when your thoughts are clouded by pain, depression, anxiety, anger and frustration.

The aim of the book Healing After Cheating - Learn to Control Your Emotions (to learn more about the book, see the review below) is to speed up the recovery process after mental tragedies such as cheating or living with a narcissistic spouse. The goal is to give useful insights regarding mental pain and introduce methods that can speed up your healing process.

The book includes practical tips and information regarding what one can do to aid mental recovery after experiencing emotional trauma such as cheating or mental abuse (Obs! To avoid any confusion I want to be very clear about the following: I am not a therapist (I am M.Sci in the field of neuroscience, not an MD) and this book does not include medical advice per se. In order to obtain medical advice, please contact health care professionals in your home town. This website as well as my book are intended to offer support in peer-to-peer fashion and they are not intended to replace seeing a professional therapist face-to-face. To read more about my background and how you can best use this website and book to your benefit, please see page About Maria).

Getting rid of the mental pain

Imagine if there was a button you could push to make your painful feelings go away. Most people who are in a relationship with a narcissistic person or who are dealing with emotional pain due to infidelity would not hesitate to push that button. Unfortunately there is no such button, but luckily there are other methods that help to get over the emotional pain.

It is crucial to understand what the actual source of the pain is. When you are walking on the street, no one is aware of the pain in your mind. Your friends are aware of it because you may have told them how you feel, but they cannot personally experience your pain, you are the only one who is fully aware of it. In other words, the pain only exists in your mind, it is the product of certain kind of activity in the neuronal networks in your brain. Once you understand this, you are one step closer to getting rid of the pain. The aim of this website and my book is to help you to learn to deal with negative emotions and to decrease the intensity of emotional pain that you are now experiencing. It is important to understand that there is no magical cure for emotional pain, and this book is not going to heal you completely over-night, instead it will provide you with some new insights that hopefully will speed up your recovery.

The book is based on my own experiences during my own healing process and I have tried to include in it the things that helped me to get over my own pain. In the beginning it was a free download on the site, but as the site has grown larger it is requiring more work to moderate and maintain as well as to answer to people's letters both publicly and privately via email. For this reason I have put a download fee for the book, mainly because download payments help me to keep this site going and allow me to dedicate more of my time for it. The book is written in similar fashion as all other articles on this site, so if you find this site helpful for you, it is quite likely that you will find the book helpful as well. I am very grateful for everyone who chooses to download it, by doing so you are helping me to keep this site going. Thank you so much for your support!

Teaching your mind to let go of the pain

If you understand the biological and psychological basis of negative emotions, you can learn to control them better and hence decrease the intensity of emotional pain. If you are in the middle of an emotional storm, before you are capable of functioning logically you need to calm the storm down, for you cannot function properly while you are going through an emotional turmoil. One of the aims of this book is to teach you to calm your mind and shut down the emotional pain so that you can see your situation more clearly. The goal is to help you to get rid of the pain, so that you can make the necessary decisions with a clear mind. In order to get mentally over cheating or break-up from a narcissistic spouse one needs to regain the mental balance and peace of mind. Only then one will be strong enough to break free from an abusive relationship and walk away without looking back.

Understanding the behavior of your spouse

One of the goals of this book is to help you to understand why a narcissist or a cheater is behaving in a certain way. When you understand the real reasons for your own behavior and for the behavior of your spouse, it will be easier for you to deal with the situation. The book will help you to recognize certain behavioral patterns and teach you how to deal with them. If you are dealing with a narcissistic person and wish to leave, the book will help you to find the strength to end the relationship. If you are dealing with cheating in your relationship, the book will help you to get over the negative feelings related to the memory of betrayal and helps you to better understand the reasons why your spouse cheated.

In the end of the book you find section "Survival package after cheating" with instructions of what you can do to ease the immediate pain that one experiences after finding out about betrayal. The book is written in similar fashion as the articles on this website, it is easy to read even for those who's native tongue is not English and its emphasis is on practicality.

Feedback from some of the readers

"I just want to let you know that this is the best $ I've ever spent. Suddenly everything makes sense to me now. I have been trying to figure it all out since 2008 when I first discovered what was to be the tip of the iceberg. I'll spare you all the details, but it's everything that was mentioned in your e-book and more. Reading this has allowed me to detach for the first time from all the pain, sorrow, and depression I have not been able to shake off despite seeking professional help."

"I am in the Stage 3 of dealing with the cheating and this is definitely a rough one. I have to say that reading that page is actually what convinced me to buy your book. You really nailed it."

"I just downloaded this book yesterday and I am over halfway through it and just felt the need to stop and email you to thank you, so far I am enjoying this, it applies to my life and is already making me feel better realizing the problem is NOT me, but my narcissist husband. I have never been in this mindset of thinking and it seems to all be making sense. I am excited about finishing this book but just wanted to take a minute to thank you."

"Your book was really good, it validated the feelings I was having as normal feelings that a normal person would have in response to an abnormal person's lies and behavior."

"Reading your book has helped me to understand what has happened to me and to move on with my life. Thank you."


To find out more about the book, see the review below. To download the book, please read the instructions below.


Download instructions

You can download the book by clicking the download link below to go to secure Paypal payment service page where you can make the download payment. The download fee for the book is 10 USD. Download fees are used for the maintenance and development of this website. The payment can be made with your existing Paypal account or with all major credit cards or via bank transfer (if this service is available in your country). After your payment has been received you will receive an email with a link to a private member page on this website where you can download your copy of the book (the book is in pdf format). You should receive this email within 24 hours after completing the payment. Should you encounter any problems at any stage of the download process, please contact me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

- Maria



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Healing After Cheating - Learn to Control Your Emotions


In addition to getting over cheating or an affair, the methods described here can be used to teach the brain to cope with the stress and depression caused by a relationship with a narcissistic person. In order to heal you must learn to let go of the negative memories. Once you learn to control your emotions better you are able to see your situation more objectively. The aim of this book is to help you to get rid of the emotional pain you are now experiencing and to regain your happiness and mental balance.


You have navigated to these pages because you are experiencing negative emotions possibly related to narcissism or cheating in your relationship. Your husband or wife may have left you after the cheating occurred, you may have left your spouse after you found out, or you may have made the decision to try to save your relationship after cheating took place but you are having hard time forgetting the memory of the betrayal. You may feel extreme anger and pain when you think about the matters related to your spouse's affair. Painful memories may come to your mind at unexpected times causing you emotional suffering, anxiety, depression and sadness.

There is a biological basis for your painful emotions. If you understand why you feel the way you do it will be easier for you to control your emotions and get over the pain. If you wish to learn more about this topic, please see article How to Control Negative Emotions.


The Amazing Brain - How to Suppress the Pain

I know exactly what you are going through right now. I experienced the same emotional pain when I found out my spouse had been cheating on me and lying to me. Consequently I became interested in the mechanisms of the mind and the brain which are responsible of the feelings of depression, anxiety and sadness related to various tragedies in life. What I have written on this website is based on what I have found out from various books and other sources.

(Obs! Because this is a peer-to-peer support site and does not attempt to portray itself as a professional medical site I have not included references for my articles as it would change the feeling of the articles and make them heavier for the reader to digest. Scientific community is quite strict regarding reference usage and for example all articles that are published in scientific journals have to include references to the original work (usually there are several tens or even hundreds of references per article). However, most websites are not using references and because this is a peer-to-peer support site I have chosen not to include references to the articles and I also wish to emphasize once again that this website and my ebook should not be taken as actual medical advice and they are not intended to replace seeing a therapist. I want to be very clear about this, as it is important that people do not get an impression they are being mislead in any way).

Having made this important statement, let us now get back to our topic. Think of the pain from an evolutionary point of view; if you accidentally place your hand on a hot stove, you feel the pain. The pain serves as a biological warning mechanism, informing you that something in your environment is harmful for you. The pain is forcing you to act: you quickly remove your hand from the stove. Mental pain also serves as a warning mechanism. For example, you feel the pain after finding out about cheating because one of the basic elements in your life has changed: you thought you could trust your spouse fully but that turned out to be a false belief and you cannot continue your life as if nothing has happened. The pain you feel forces you to act: you will either try to stay together with your spouse, regain the trust and mend the relationship or you will leave your spouse (you remove the element that is causing your pain).

Human brain is more flexible than one might think and we have the power to influence the way our brain is working in certain situations, in similar fashion as it is possible to teach the brain for example to get rid of various phobias, such as fear of rats or snakes etc. A good example of this kind of "mind control" is the ability to block the sensation of physical pain from entering the brain. In same fashion one can learn to suppress the mental pain related to the emotional withdrawal symptoms after ending the relationship with a narcissistic partner or to suppress the pain related to the memory of mental abuse, cheating or betrayal. We do not have to go with the flow, we can control the way we feel and the way our life will evolve.

It is possible to teach the muscles in our body to move in new ways while learning to ride a bicycle, to dance etc. In same fashion it is possible to "train" the brain to react in certain ways in certain situations. It takes time for the brain to change, for better or worse. Your behavior will determine how fast or slowly you will recover after cheating or a stressful relationship with a narcissistic person.

If you dwell on negative memories and try to drown your grief into alcohol or isolate yourself from the world, you can be sure that the neuronal networks in your brain related to negative thoughts will be strengthened and your recovery will take longer. But if you decide to "force" your brain to adapt different kind of approach by using simple mental and physical exercises you can significantly speed up your recovery and learn to deal with the negative emotions related to the memory of cheating. To understand better what I mean by training the brain to adopt a different kind of approach in certain situations, visit page How to Control Negative Emotions.

The most important thing for you to do right now is to get rid of the mental pain caused by the memory of cheating or unhappy events related to your narcissistic spouse. After that you can decide what you wish to do with your life. You may wish to stay with your husband or wife or you may wish to go your separate ways. Whatever you decide to do, it is best that you make your decision with a clear mind and not when your thoughts are clouded by negative emotions.


Survival Package after Cheating or Mental Abuse

The aim of my book is to speed up the recovery process after mental tragedies such as cheating or living with a narcissistic partner. My goal is to give helpful insights regarding how to get rid of mental pain and to suggest ways that help one to heal faster. The book also includes some practical tips and other information regarding what one can do to speed up the recovery.

The most important thing for you to do right now is not to let the actions of your husband or wife influence the quality of your life any more than they already have. The aim of this book is to help you to get over the feelings of anger, depression, anxiety and sadness and gain better control of your emotions. When this has been achieved you can decide what you wish to do with your life and with your relationship. If your partner has left you and is not willing to continue the relationship, the book will help you to get over your grief and move on with your life.

If you wish to read the book you find download instructions in the beginning of this page (book is in pdf format which makes it convenient to read). The download fee for the book is 10 USD. You will receive your copy of the book via email within 24 hours after making the download payment. Payments are processed through a secure Paypal payment service and the ebook is sent to the email address that is associated with the payment. Payment can be made either with your existing Paypal account or with all major credit cards or via bank transfer (if this service is available in your country). If you are not familiar with Paypal and wish to know more about the service, visit www.paypal.com. For more details of the download process of the book, please read the download instructions below.

In addition to getting help for your own situation, by downloading this book you are helping me to maintain and further develop this website so that more people can find help from here. If you wish to participate in the development of this website for example by producing content to be published, please feel free to contact me by email. I would be happy to hear from you and get your feedback regarding the book and this website.

- Maria


Download instructions

You can download the book by clicking the download link below to go to secure Paypal payment service page where you can make the download payment. The download fee for the book is 10 USD. Download fees are used for the maintenance and development of this website. The payment can be made with your existing Paypal account or with all major credit cards or via bank transfer (if this service is available in your country). After your payment has been received you will receive an email with a link to a private member page on this website where you can download your copy of the book (the book is in pdf format). You should receive this email within 24 hours after completing the payment. Should you encounter any problems at any stage of the download process, please contact me at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

- Maria



Payment methods















Comments (284)
  • Emily  - I keep waiting on???
    My mom died when I was 7. I was the 2nd oldest of 6. My dad took off and we went into foster care. As an adult they told me I was more like a mother than a 7 yr old so I went to my foster home alone. Everyone else was paired up. So I lost my whole family for 2 yrs no contact. Then one day I saw my dad in a laundry mat by chance. He had remarried and had a 1 1/2 yr old child with the new wife. Shortly after they began getting us back. His new wife had 4 kids he had 6 and they had one between them. The step mom should not have had any kids hers or his or anyone's She is a horrible person and out of my life. None of us were close to my dad he was a strict military man. We were always broke and it meant we dressed funny and my dad wouldn't let us have friends, phone calls, money, and lots of other things kids usually have. The step mom became a religious nut who made us study the bible hours and days and the religion doesn't celebrate holidays so even in school we had to go to the office while the class had parties. Even birthday parties were out.

    As I grew up I pretended to fit in but always felt outside. I ran away at 16 and got pregnant. I married at 18 and had another. Not surprisingly it didn't work out and I was not equipped to care for my children. I was beyond broke and to top it off I had a 16 yr old sister and a 16 yr old brother who my parents had thrown out. Having no where to go they came to me. I slept in a park bathroom when I left home and i couldn't turn them out. I gave my children up for adoption. It was just awful.

    I always hated women in general if they acted "weak" when it came to some guy. I always left everyone before they could leave me.

    I spent a lot of years trying to make up for my lack of education and became a network engineer. I worked at some fortune 500 companies and was proud of what I had made of myself. I also had another child 10 yrs after letting my first 2 go. Her father never worked I had her with me and made a good life for us. Then she got sick and refused to take the med her body needed to stay alive. I got laid off and due to family feuds I lost our place to live and unemployment was running out. They took my daughter into foster care and it devastated me. I thought of her as my 2nd chance to do it right. I failed. I've been out of technology for years now so I've lost my skills. about the time the world was unraveling I met a man.

    i discovered he was living with someone when I met him. I could not let him go. I fell in love for the first time in my life at 43 and I felt like if I ended it with him it would be official I had screwed up EVERY single part of my life.

    10 years later some times it feels like being a kid all over again. seeking affection from someone who is supposed to give it to me by virtue of their place in my life but being denied it.

    He cheats every time my back is turned. I've gotten so I don't want to leave the house when he knows because he will take the day off work and call or chat online or even invite some woman to do him.

    I'm so ashamed of that I could die. I can't tell anyone because I will look like a bigger loser than I've already become. He is not affectionate with me any more, hasn't kissed me in years but flirts and is charming to any and all other women. Has not taken me anywhere not even to a fast food restaurant where we would sit down together to eat. He stays at work till 9 at night then spends 2 hrs in the bath tub every night naked chatting. No remorse no apologies and blames me. He said if he was getting it at home blah blah blah. Once he left our bed where we were joking about the sex we'd just had. He complimented me on my hair that I just dyed at least 5 times that morning. He left for the store and didn't come home that night. He met a woman in the way home who he started chatting with and one thing led to another. I know because I called his phone and he accidentally answered it and I listened for over an hour.

    I don't get that at all, there is no switch that goes off in his head that says oh god she's home waiting for me. This would hurt her I gotta go home.

    I am all the women I hated when I was growing up. i spend all of my time figuring out ways to thwart him from doing what he wants to do with these other women but have no money. I have to account for every dollar so I try dong D.I.Y. spy equipment etc. Which only feels good for a minute till it hurts me again.

    I keeps vacillating between thinking he will turn to me one day and see me, really see me and feel bad about the past and realize I am worth 10 of the other women he picks up and wishing someone would say some magic words that would wake me up. I know how pathetic I sound. I would tell anyone else to just leave! but no matter how well I understand that it sucks to be here and acknowledge what I need to do, I think about leaving and never seeing him again and i just pretend nothing is wrong and I go back to cleaning cooking and laundering and doing all the things in life that he finds boring or tedious. Honestly I know I would be better off with a gun and one bullet but I can't do that to my daughter and I'm a coward when you get right down to it.

    How do I get there? Leaving him? Trying to find another life that wants me? Logic just hasn't been enough yet before I got here it was the driving force in my life.

    I have no way of getting therapy, not even the bus fare to get there if I did.

    I try to be a good person but I'm losing that too. I'm falling apart.

  • David  - Pop ups!
    Just going through the Hell of finding out about my cheating wife hence looking and reading your site only to find pop ups apearing asking me to sign up on to mature dating sites, this did not help me in any way
  • Admin
    Dear David,

    Thank you for your comment, I apologize for any inconvenience you may have experienced. There should be no pop up ads of any kind on this website. If you see frequent pop ups it could be related to your browser instead of a particular website, especially if you have experienced similar problem while visiting several different websites. I just tested several pages and have not seen any pop up ads on this website so far. Could you please let me know where on the site you encountered this phenomena? If anyone else has experienced similar thing while visiting this website, could you please let me know by responding to this comment or by sending email to searchforbalancemail@gmail.com?

    Best wishes,

  • asanda  - he cheated on me then i tried cheating on him,but
    i hear yoy but my problem is that my husband cheated on me live then I tried that too but he caught me before I have tried to do that
  • Lotus Song  - After 1 year and a half I finally ended an abusive
    reading your stories made me realize how grateful I should be for finding the strenght and courage to end that nightmare only just in time.
    He was very attractive as first then become all the worst thing a man could be. But unfortunately I was blind and always trusted him. Then one day, he had to go abroad for 1 month and a half. During that month I finally had the chance to think all our relationship through. Without him around I suddenly understood I wasn't happy and when I then saw him he looked different to me. Of course I loved him and was very very attracted to him, but a voice in me said: you will never be happy with this man.
    So I broke up with him, and soon after that I found out that he's been always cheating on me, lying, hiding bad things, abusing me in every single way, he was an alcoholic and pedofile. Unfortunately he had convinced me to marry him (without being able to tell my family nor my friend) to help him get a permanent visa to stay in Europe. He also did all he could to get me pregnant but thank god, I miscarried naturally.
    I am trying all I can to separate/divorce from him.
    But even if racionally I know he has multiple personality disorders, he is very dangerous and he made my life a hell, for some crazy reasons, I find myself thinking of him, wishing he could love me.
    I know those people aren't able to love. But still, even if I am not in contact with him anymore and won't I kind of miss him in my life, I probably miss the idea of having a man who loves me.
    It's really hard to live my life on my own, knowing he is pprobably happy and having sex and fun with many women now, while I am here, crying my eyes out and feeling very very bad.
    I'm forcing myself to do dance classes to let the anger go, but every time, after my class I simply fal into depression again.
    I see myself so much in all of your stories, it's just inbelievable what has happened to all of us. And especially to the ones of you have children, I feel trult blessed that I'm not the mother of his children.
    Last time I saw him was 29th April, so only 13 days passed by. I really hope to feel good again soon, even if I am sure I won't completely trust a man again.
    It seems to me also that I've always had similar relationships, not quite this bad, but in general I've always been the victim and the one truly in love, ready to do no matter what for his man. This is insane and I'm now trying to change the way I see people and the way I choose people.
    I am trying to listen to my inner instinct more and respect my needs.
    I really hope we will all be happy one day :)
    with love
  • Don  - to you
    I know your feelings in as I have just got out of a relationship that was filled with lies.. and to find out that she was sleeping with her x ,,, wow what a slap in the face ... I am not perfect in any way but I would never hurt a person as she did me... Im trying to get my life back together and it isn't easy... the worst is like you said I'm here thinking of her and I know she's with another guy all ready ..... but.... well thats all I can say right now because I couldn't give anyone any any ideas of how to get through this except time.... Don't give up though, you'll find someone I promise if you give it time ...;)) Don
  • unone  - lying hubby
    :?: :( :( I have been with my husband for 15years we have t kid's o together when I first got n to the relationship with him in the very begging he cheated on my but I was blind to see it at the time because he lied after wegot married he cheated again I was blind because he lied 5yearslater I'm blind because I feel he have another woman because it's this one number that keep come in and out of his phone in its a woman but he still continue to lie about it. I'm not sure what to do.
  • Matisse  - Where do I begin!!!
    Let's see I have a narcissist husband and for sure 2 narcissist brother's.
    One narcissist sister and I have decided I can't take it anymore!! My 2 brother's are alcoholics and my husband is drinking more and more.
    I'm sure he is an alcoholic now also, as much as I hate to admit it!
    My brother's and my husband yell and scream constantly!! My one brother blames me for his divorce even though I haven't been around him that much at all in years! He has called me every name in the book! My husband has abused me for over 10 years now!! He will yell about the dumbest things ever!! Why did you put that dish in the dishwasher that way? Huh he says to me as he is yelling and screaming how dumb I am!!? I have decided to completely cut off my brothers as painful as that is it has to be done. My sister too she cares only about herself and never calls me! If my brothers eventually decide to go into treatment then I will try to talk to them. However, I can't take their drunken rages anymore I can't take the screaming!! At times I feel I am losing my mind! My husband has agreed to go to treatment and if he quits treatment I am leaving him no ands if or butts about it!! This is it I need a good life and these people have put me through hell! Depression and the works so to speak !! There comes a time when you have to take a stand and say NO longer will I put up with the abuse!! Be strong it's scary and it's hard but you can do it!!! The yelling and abuse is much worse then having peace and being alone for awhile. You will meet healthy people if you give yourself a chance. Get away from the crazy ones. You deserve so much better even if you don't feel you do!
    I didn't realize my husband was a narcissist I just assumed he was very abusive!! I now realize that he is the only one that matters and was shocked he agreed to get treatment! I finally took a stand and let him know I will NO longer stand for his yelling and bad treatment! I scared him so much I think that he went to get help. Will see if it lasts and any changes come out of it. If NOT I am out of here folks!
  • Sher  - Alcohol is called SPIRITS for a reason
    I'm sorry you are suffering. I feel I have the same issues as you. I feel crazy cause so many people are crazy around me. I literally only get along with my pets. Its the only real love I can get. I'm helpful and loving and have had every kind of abuse there is and its not just boyfriends its pretty well everyone is insane. What I have come to find out is that and this is going to sound crazy...but even Famous doctors who reversed alzheimers patients heard 'demon' voices in the background. As it turns out Alzheimers patients are simply talking backwards but that's another story...so yeah I'm pretty sure the alcohol known as al kul and spirits
    are demon doorways. You need to stand strong. I agree with being alone is better. Why shouldn't it be, you are away from DEMON entities running our lives via loved ones who have let in every kind of addiction. the old dictionary calls 'addiction' devotion and it starts in the mind...so these idiots in our family have first devoted their minds to alcohol or porn or cheating and then the body follows. They do not care about anything but themselves and their devotion to whatever it is. They most certainly don't care about us when they scream literally over nothing. Well hope you are recovering there. U are not alone! hugs S.
  • Jen Saunders
    Thank you! Reading this has helped me get better inside, of my now x-spouse. Finding balance and peace of mind, is my main focus right now! I realiz that my children only have one parent, me, to get them through this.
  • Melissa  - I married a narcissist and now pay alimony!
    Thank you for your authentic posts. I married a narcissist at age 42, thinking my 2nd marriage would be for life. I gave it all I had for ten years...I ignored the red flags...allowed myself to become emotionally isolated from friends and family...from my son...I primarily supported him - he used my insecurities against me; making me feel 'less than' - I had to take zoloft because he said I was too "edgy." I did anything to keep peace at home. I am an intelligent, professional woman and chose a predator, a broke-ass, 'artist' tall, good looking who preyed upon women of means with lower than usual self esteem. After ten years, Mr No boundaries had an affair with his married boss. I found the evidence on the computer and left him the same day. He then hired a lawyer and took me to the cleaners financially speaking - so after all that hurt, I am paying alimony for three years. He took 40% of my retirement, etc. The good news is its been two years and although the memories haunt me like a ghost, I am stronger every day - I started a new life in a new city...have two dogs...a new home near my son - I've reconnected with friends and even date every now and then...although the thought of intimacy is still a challenge. Thanks again and may you all build your personally best future - best
  • Dawn  - Help for you
    Please check out this website. It has saved me!

    She explains everything. Your not crazy....you have been narssitically abused. I did not buy the program she offers, because all od th reading sources are enough.

    Take care, Dawn


  • Michelle  - Heart broken
    :( My ex husband has put me through hell. He hardly ever tried to have sex with me, this hurt my feelings,therefore I was grouchy towards him quite often. He started traveling and makeing millions and not calling and acting strange,locking his phone,etc. while all along,I'm falling apart with panic attacks and pain,fear,ect. He's constantly traveling after 4 years of me loving him and raising his children like my own, he came home from a trip and said he was leaving me.
    Later to find out that he was cheating,buying this girl gifts,letting her meet the kids,but keeping the kids from me. He's spent more on her in 6 months than I recieved in settlement. He is very. Hateful and blames me. I feel like I'm going through divorce all over again. I can't get the pictures out of my head. I'm struggleing financially,and he just bought her a $100,000 car.
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