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The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I have a background in neuroscience and behavioral sciences and I am currently doing brain research related to these topics in university in my home country. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world. 

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Learn to Control Your Emotions 

You have navigated to these pages because you are dealing with narcissism or cheating in your relationship. You are going through all sorts of negative emotions due to problems related to your spouse. Some of the emotions you are experiencing may include:

• Anger
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Humiliation
• Severe mental pain

The most important thing for you to do right now is to get rid of the mental pain caused by the memory of cheating or unhappy events related to your narcissistic spouse. After that you can decide what you wish to do with your relationship. You may wish to stay with your husband or wife or you may wish to go your separate ways. Whatever you decide to do it is best that you make your decision with a clear mind and not when your thoughts are clouded by pain, depression, anxiety, anger and frustration.

The aim of the book Healing After Cheating - Learn to Control Your Emotions (see the review article at the end of this page) is to speed up the recovery process after mental tragedies such as cheating or living with a narcissistic spouse. The goal is to give scientific insights regarding the mental pain and to introduce ways to help the mind and the brain to heal faster. The book includes practical tips and information regarding what one can do to speed up the mental recovery after experiencing emotional trauma such as cheating or mental abuse performed by a narcissistic spouse. 

Getting rid of the mental pain

Imagine if there was a button you could push to make your painful feelings go away. Most people who are in a relationship with a narcissist or who are dealing with emotional pain due to cheating and betrayal would not hesitate to push that button. Unfortunately there is no such button, but there are other methods to get over the emotional pain. 

It is crucial to understand the actual source of the pain. When you are walking on the street, no one is aware of the pain in your mind. Your friends are aware of it because you may have told them, but they cannot personally experience your pain. You are the only one who is fully aware of your pain. In other words, the pain only exists in your mind, it is the product of certain kind of activity in the neuronal networks in your brain. Once you understand this, you are one step closer to getting rid of the pain. The aim of the book Healing After Cheating - Learn to Control Your Emotions (see the review article at the end of this page) is to help you to learn to control negative feelings and to get rid of the emotional pain you are now experiencing. 

Teaching your mind to let go of the pain

If you understand the biological and psychological basis of the negative emotions, you can learn to control them and hence get rid of the emotional pain. If you are in the middle of the emotional storm, before you are capable of functioning logically you need to calm the storm down. You cannot function properly while you are going through an emotional turmoil. One of the aims of this book is to teach you to calm your mind and to shut down the emotional pain so that you can see your situation more clearly. The goal is to teach you to get rid of the pain, so that you can make the necessary decisions with a clear mind. In order to get mentally over cheating or a narcissistic spouse one needs to regain the mental balance and peace of mind. Only then one will be strong enough to break free from a relationship with a narcissist and walk away without looking back.

Understanding the behavior of your spouse

This book will help you to understand why a narcissist or a cheater is behaving in a certain way. When you understand the real reasons for your own behavior and for the behavior of your spouse, it will be easier for you to deal with the situation. This book will help you to recognize certain behavioral patterns and teach you how to deal with them. If you are dealing with a narcissist and wish to leave, this book will help you to end the relationship. If you are forced to stay in your relationship, this book will help you to learn how to co-exist with a narcissist. If you are dealing with cheating in your relationship, this book will help you to get over your negative feelings related to the memory of cheating and helps you to understand the reasons why your spouse cheated on you. 

In the end of the book you find section "Survival Package After Cheating" with instructions of what you can do to ease the immediate pain after finding out about cheating or betrayal. The book is easy to read and emphasis is on practicality. You can start the recovery process right now by downloading the book. Tomorrow you will have a whole new view of your situation and a clear idea of what to do to help yourself to get better as soon as possible.  

To find out more about the book, see the review article at the end of this page. To download the book, please read instructions below.

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Download instructions

  Payment methods

BOOK REVIEW

In addition to getting over cheating or an affair, mind control methods described here can be used to teach the brain to cope with the stress and depression caused by a relationship with a narcissist. In order to heal you must learn to let go of the negative memories. Controlling your emotions will help you to see your situation objectively. The aim of this book is to help you to get rid of the emotional pain you are now experiencing and to regain your happiness and mental balance.

 ___________

You have navigated to these pages because you are experiencing negative emotions related to narcissism, cheating or an affair. Your husband or wife may have left you after cheating or an affair occurred, you may have left your spouse after you found out about cheating or you may have made the decision to try to save your relationship after cheating took place but you are having hard time forgetting the memory of cheating. You may feel extreme anger and pain when you think about the matters related to cheating or an affair. Painful memories may come to your mind at unexpected times, causing you emotional suffering, anxiety, depression and sadness.

There is a biological basis for your painful emotions related to narcissism, cheating and other tragedies in life. If you understand why you feel the way you do it will be easier for you to control your emotions and get over the pain. If you wish to learn more about this topic please read article How to Control Negative Emotions. 

The Amazing Brain - How to Suppress the Pain

I know exactly what you are going through right now, I have experienced the same emotional pain. I am currently doing brain research in university in my home country. I became interested in the mechanisms of the mind and the brain which are responsible of the feelings of depression, anxiety and sadness related to tragedies in life such as cheating or living with a narcissistic spouse.

Think of the pain from an evolutionary point of view. If you accidentally place your hand on a hot stove, you feel the pain. The pain serves as a biological warning mechanism, informing you that something in your environment is harmful for you. The pain is forcing you to act: You quickly remove your hand from the stove. Mental pain also serves as a warning mechanism. For example, you feel the pain after finding out about cheating because one of the basic elements in your life has changed: You thought you could trust your spouse fully but that turned out to be a false belief. You cannot continue your life as if nothing has happened. The pain you feel forces you to act: You will either try to stay together with your spouse, regain the trust and mend the relationship or you will leave your spouse (you remove the element that is causing your pain). 

Human brain is more flexible than one would think. We have the power to influence the way our brain is working in certain situations, in same fashion as it is possible to teach the brain for example to get rid of various phobias, such as the fear of rats or snakes etc. A good example of the mind control is the ability to block the sensation of physical pain from entering the brain. In same fashion one can learn to suppress the mental pain related to the emotional withdrawal symptoms after ending the relationship with a narcissistic partner or to suppress the pain related to the memory of mental abuse, cheating or betrayal. We do not have to go with the flow, we can control the way we feel and the way our life will evolve.

There is a physiological basis for the mechanism of the voluntary control of the brain and the mind. It is possible to teach the muscles in our body to move in new ways while learning to ride a bicycle, to dance etc. In same fashion it is possible to "train" the brain to react in certain ways in certain situations. It takes time for the brain to change, for better or worse. Your behavior will determine how fast or slowly you will recover after cheating or stressful relationship with a narcissist.

If you dwell on negative memories related to cheating and try to drown your grief into alcohol or isolate yourself from the world, you can be sure that the neuronal networks in your brain related to negative thoughts will be strengthened and your recovery will take longer. But if you decide to "force" your brain to adapt different kind of approach by using simple mental and physical exercises you can significantly speed up your recovery and learn to deal with negative emotions related to the memory of cheating or an affair. To understand better what I mean by training the brain to adapt different kind of approaches in certain situations, visit pages Mental Tools Help to Suppress Emotional Pain and How to Control Negative Emotions.

The most important thing for you to do right now is to get rid of the mental pain caused by the memory of cheating or unhappy events related to your narcissistic spouse. After that you can decide what you wish to do with your life. You may wish to stay with your husband or wife or you may wish to go your separate ways. Whatever you decide it is best that you make your decision with a clear mind, not when your thoughts are clouded by pain, depression, anxiety, anger and frustration.

___________

Survival Package after Cheating or Mental Abuse

The aim of this book is to speed up the recovery process after mental tragedies such as cheating or living with a narcissistic partner. My goal is to give factual scientific insights regarding the mental pain and to introduce ways to help the mind and the brain to heal faster. The book includes practical tips and information regarding what one can do to speed up the recovery.

The most important thing for you to do right now is not to let the actions of your husband or wife influence the quality of your life any more than they already have. The aim of this book is to help you to get over the feelings of anger, depression, anxiety and sadness and gain control of your emotions. When this has been achieved you can decide what you wish to do with your life and with your relationship. If your husband or wife has left you and is not willing to continue the relationship, this book will help you to get over your grief and move on with your life.

If you wish to read the book you find download instructions in the beginning of this page (book is in pdf format which makes it convenient to read). In the end of the book you find section "Survival Package After Cheating" with instructions of what you can do to ease the pain after you found out about cheating or betrayal. The book is easy to read and emphasis is on practicality. You can start the recovery process right now by downloading the book. Tomorrow you will have a whole new view of your situation and a clear idea of what to do to help yourself to get better as soon as possible.

The download fee for the book is 20 USD. You will receive your copy of the book within 24 hours after making the download payment. Payments are processed through a secure Paypal payment service. Payment can be made either with your existing Paypal account or with all major credit cards or via bank transfer (if this service is available in your country). If you are not familiar with Paypal and wish to know more about the service, visit www.paypal.com. For more details of the download process of the book, please read the download instructions below.

In addition to getting help for your own situation, by downloading this book you are helping me to maintain and further develop this website so that more people can find help from here. If you wish to participate in the development of this website for example by producing content to be published, please feel free to contact me by email. I would be happy to hear from you and get your feedback regarding the book and this website. 

- Maria

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Personal advice and feedback

Please familiarize yourself with the book Learn to Control Your Emotions (see previous chapters for more details). After reading the book please send me email by clicking This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it and describe your current situation. Tell me if you have been through some of the emotional phases described in the book. I will give you my feedback regarding your situation. You are not alone. Together we will get you through this difficult phase in your life. Please do not hesitate to write.  

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• |2010-01-25 16:09:40 yorkie  - Cheating Husband after 29 years together
  My husband was and hopefully still is my soul mate...we had the perfect relationship until approx. 6 months ago when a younger woman 46 yrs walked up to him (they work together) and told him he was the most handsome man she has ever seen. My husband is 61 and I'm 65. This 'other woman' is also married. The affair ended, I hope on Dec. 27 when I confronted him with the evidence that I had been gathering. I suspected him in Nov. when I returned home from visiting my daughter and found evidence in the house that something had gone on. I confronted him then and he denied everything so I got his cell bill and well with reverse phone number found her name. He had her at my home on several occasions in our spare bedroom and rec room and now I'm having trouble being in those rooms. He tells me he loves me and always did and that none of what happened was my fault...but I can't get past the lying, deceit...broken heart that he has caused me. I think of it every day...some days worse then others. I try to put it out of my mind but then I get a visual and the pain starts all over again. We have talked this out in great detail and I even went so far as to meeting her. But it hurts so much. How does one get past this and get over the hurt when you trusted someone so much for 29 years. Like I said, I love my husband and I truly believe he loves me...he even told 'her' this but she kept coming back for more. Any suggestions as to what I can do. In a couple of weeks we are privately renewing our vows as I figure these were broken and no longer meaningful...maybe this is a start... Thanks for whatever info you can offer.
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• |2010-01-27 12:02:32 Maria
  Dear Friend,
  
  I am sorry to hear about your situation. Based on your message I feel there is a good chance that you and your husband will get over this. I am saying this because this was the first time (based on your message) when you caught your husband cheating on you and it seems he is truly regretting what happened and seems to love you very much. He has seen the pain this has caused you. He has faced the possibility of losing you and has faced the shame and embarrassment of getting caught of something like this. It is so unfortunate that this (cheating) happened, because now you both must suffer because of it. However, if you want to stay together with your husband, I believe you have a good chance of getting over this, because your husband clearly seems remorseful and seems to love you very much.
  
  In order to overcome this, you must be able to forgive your husband. You must think of him as someone who had a moment of weakness and made a mistake, but is not an evil person who wanted to harm you. Your husband is 61 and a younger woman approached him. What happened is as much the fault of that other woman as it is the fault of your husband. She chose to start a secret relationship with a person who was married, knowing the pain it will cause you if you find out. She risked your happiness for the sake of her own pleasure, without even knowing you. That is a pretty selfish act. It was flattering for your husband that younger woman was interested in him. He experienced a hormonal rush when this woman showed her interest towards him but that hormonal rush has nothing to do with love. It was a transient excitement, nothing more. It seems clear that your husband loves you.
  
  It is unfortunate that this had to happen, but if you feel there is strong love between the two of you, you can overcome this. I believe that after seeing the pain this has caused you, the threshold for cheating has increased hugely for your husband and it is not very likely he will do this again, knowing he might lose you as a consequence. Make it clear to him that you will not forgive second mistake like this. It takes time, but eventually you will get over this. Please read this article of different stages of recovery process after cheating: link:http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/cheating-and-infidelity/how-to-get-over-cheating.html
  
  Warm hug,
  Maria
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• |2010-03-03 20:21:53 karen fry  - hurt....... will i ever feel happy again
  How do you stop thinking about a person who hurt you at such a deep level you never realized it was possible. I put 9 years into an evil selfish man who i thought i could change, i put my whole life into it... I had 4 babies, lost all my family and friends for him. He hit me years ago, he cheated continually, i found phones hidden in the house, he owned so many phones to lie to other women. He never provided for me or the kids. Everything he said was a lie and yet.. i had him back time after time, forgave but never forgot the cheating.
  
  I put all my energy into him neglecting my own looks which are now a mess... We split and since then i sit everyday thinking where he is, will he meet another woman and have children, i sit feeling angry, humiliated and hurt, all the feelings which before i met him i never felt. I look unattractive because you can see i'm frowning and consumed by feelings of what he did to me.
  
  I spend my days caring for my children, careful not to cry in front of them, then when they are in bed i sit and reflect and cry. I just want to have my life back and not feel any negative thoughts and move on. i have been left convinced nobody wants me because he called me ugly. Its a mess and even though we are no longer together the evilness within him is ruining my life totally. How long does it take to stop thinking and move on?? And how do i take steps to move forward. I should be happy i got rid of him, he brought nothing into my life that was positive. He had a very heavy negative nasty energy.
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• |2010-03-03 20:30:41 Maria
  Dear Friend,
  
  I understand your feelings so well. It is difficult to let go of the past, especially if one has been involved with a narcissist. A narcissist is making you feel so special that the life after a narcissist feels empty and gray. But that feeling is only in your mind, it is not "real". You have created the illusion that your life is somehow "less" without a narcissist, even thought your life is actually much, MUCH better.
  
  You must teach yourself to see the situation as an outsider and think of yourself as your best friend, or your close relative. Would you want someone close to you to be in a relationship with this kind of a person (your narcissistic ex)? No, I do not think so. Would you want your close friend to grieve over someone who has actually caused her pain? I do not think so.
  
  Dear Friend, you have not lost anything truly valuable. Instead you are now free. It will take a moment, but soon the day will come when you wake up one morning and realize you no longer miss your narcissistic ex, but that you are actually happy that he can no longer make you feel stressed and unhappy.
  
  Warm hug,
  Maria
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• |2010-02-15 21:50:32 Anonymous  - pleas help me : CC
  my all friendships are only negative thingss... I'm jealous, because everybodies say my best friend so thin, and I hear only " you are too fat" or "are you fattened?" or something like that. I can't speak this my friends because they say that and they never undersstand... also my parents say so :C I relly want be a thin like my friend but I can't be. I had tríed a long time, but no. My best friend like my others friend like more my others friends, this way I feel sometimes lonely. Sometimes I think she hate me or she didn't want listen what I speaking. I have too second bad trouble.I relly hate my very close friend. She used me, and told lies me. I am so angry her! >:S She are so mean :'C sure I try to go away her, but just she hangin my best friend. If my best friends konw that I don't want to see that girl, she still attend whit that girl who I hate :Z
  this thing do my feel very down
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• |2010-03-03 20:16:25 Maria
  Dear Friend,
  
  Do not let the opinions of others dictate your life. Do not try to be something (for example to be thin) only because other people say you should. It can be that your genetic design is such that your natural, ideal weight is a bit more than that of your friend. If this is the case, you should not try to starve yourself trying to look like your friend.
  
  I am sorry to hear you are feeling down. If you have a chance, please consider going to talk to a professional about the negative thoughts in your mind, a professional can best help you to learn to deal with them. Do not let negative thoughts spoil your life. From your message I get the feeling you are still very young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Enjoy it!
  
  Warm hug,
  Maria
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• |2010-03-03 20:36:20 Amber  - Confused!
  Hi Maria!
  
  Thank you for your story! It's nice to know that there are many to relate to! I'm divorced to what I think is a pretty aggressive N and look back with washed emotions of anger, sadness, hope, relief, embarrassment, etc. Such an array of emotions!
  
  I know that our divorce was the best thing to ever happen, but I'm having such a hard time getting over the anger and pain due to HOW it happened! (it was pretty cruel!) He cheated on me with my good friend who pretended to support me during my marriage issues... I even stayed at her house for a week when we thought a separation would help and she would call to "check on me" and spent time with me daily to make sure I was "ok"... Then I found out they were having an affair... My ex-husband told me that what they were doing wasn't cheating because "He was already emotionally un-attached" then she echoed that same line... Then the two of them tried to make me out as some sort of psycho warning all our friends to "watch out for me" even though I hadn't done ANYTHING to get revenge! (I actually did the opposite! I literally hibernated away from the world due to embarrassment!)... But it was so intense that they actually had me questioning my own sanity! (Then I had to remind myself I hadn't done anything except hide away from the world!).
  
  So, my betrayal wasn't just from my ex-husband, but also from a supposed "best friend"! I'm almost more mad at her for the betrayal than I am at him! (But I think after all these years and the past he has of cheating on g/friend to the next, I just kinda expected it out of him!). From early beginning of our relationship I had warning sign after warning signs about him, upon our engagement his own step-mother warned me not to marry him based on his behaviors and actions and I wished I would have listened!
  
  Our relationship consistantly revolved around the fact that I was never good enough for him and he was "embarrassed by me" as well as always never having any priority to him, yet with the expectation that my world should revolved around HIM! He had bizarre fixations that would cycle to something new every couple months and never in that time was I a priority!
  
  There were lots of verbal attacks and abuse by him, and the last year it did turn physical... So with it being so awful, why am I having such a hard time getting over the pain and anger? I should be dancing for joy! Could my self-esteem been beaten down that badly? (Even though at the end I was fighting back by telling him he was no longer allowed to treat me that way?) I'm confused! Do I need counseling?
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• |2010-03-03 21:02:14 Maria
  Dear Friend,
  
  It is no wonder you feel confused and hurt after what has happened to you. The way your "best" girlfriend betrayed you with your ex husband is one of the worst things that can end the marriage. You did not only lose your husband, you also lost your best friend.
  
  It feels very painful to think that you shared your innermost thoughts with her and she stabbed you to the back this way. There is no excuse for what these people did to you. They can praise all they want about "this not being cheating", because your ex husband was already "emotionally detached". That is of course total nonsense. If that kind of a ridiculous statement would apply, there would be no cheaters left in this world, because of course everyone who cheats defends himself or herself by saying "I was emotionally detached from my ex spouse".
  
  Your ex husband and his secret lover just had to come up with some excuse, a real "reason" as to why they did this, so that they can look into a mirror and think they are still good, respectable human beings. They also probably thought this kind of a reason would make their cheating and betrayal look less bad in the eyes of their friends and other people who they know. Their behavior shows their true nature, which is manipulative and selfish. Neither of them was thinking of you, they were only thinking of their own pleasure.
  
  You said your husband has a history as a cheater. You also said he turned violent towards you at the end of the relationship. Dear Friend, you are so much better off without this person. Your former best friend will one day experience the nasty side of your ex husband. In a way she deserves what is coming to her, after what she did to you. She had a choice of whether to lie to you or not. A responsible, adult and respectable human being would have had the decency of not letting you reveal your deepest feelings to her and not to pretend she was supporting you and on your side. Your ex girlfriend seems like a quite double-faced and unpleasant person. In my opinion you have not lost anything when you "lost" her as your friend. You are better off without such a snake in your garden, sorry to use such strong words.
  
  It sounds like a very good idea to me if you go to see a professional to discuss your feelings related to these negative memories. Nowadays there is no longer a strong social "stigma" associated with going to therapy, instead it is recognized how helpful it can be during certain phases in life. I believe you would benefit from therapy a lot. I think it absolutely is worthwhile trying.
  
  Warm thoughts,
  Maria
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• |2010-03-26 09:49:43 prettysmile
  wow I can relate so well... Please read my story below (posted under "prettysmile - Finally seeing the light".
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• |2010-02-23 19:12:32 Chessie  - narcissism/cheater
  I honestly didn't know what a narcissist was until I got in a relationship w/one and a family member of his told me he was. I really thought a narcissist was an egomaniac, not someone who was depressed, needy, and clingy. And JEALOUS! I found out his life was a web of lies. He lied about his past relationships - how the ended - victim, victim. It took me awhile - but I kicked him out (suicide threats and all) and my life has gotten so much better. He moved right in with another woman (and lied about it - trying to keep contact with me - incredible - but I refuse to let him contact me and I have blocked all ways.) She can keep him.
  I just downloaded your book. Thank you!
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• |2010-03-09 04:30:37 Cathie  - I Didn't Know
  I didn't know what he was til I read this page. I believe he was seeing several women at one time. He is 67 years old. Women of his past has said he was always like this. I'm a christain and if I questioned him about where he was all day, he would say I was accusing of of cheating and scream in face for hours saying I was the devil. The hardest part I'm suffering is when we went anywhere, he would have to use the bathroom for long periods of time. I believe he was texting or calling someone. Now that I got rid of him, and filed for divorce, I sometimes feel maybe he got someone better than me and now that he is with her, he dosen't go to the bathroom anymore and she dosen't have to suffer like me. That is the only thing that makes me sad. Can You help me overcome this? Thank You, Cathie
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• |2010-03-22 21:32:13 prettysmile  - finally seeing the light
  Hi Im glenda, I finally free of my 2yr verbal emotional and mental abusive relationship....i didnt understand how bad and deep I was until i read this website and educated myself..while the narcissist slept I went thru his phone and confirmed with my own eyes all the lies and the cheating....it was painful but its been 3wks and I am back happy loving myself again and building my selfesteem back up!.. i was addicted to this man and I finally set myself free thanks to Maria and this website......
  
  I am recovering from a 2yr mental,emotional, and verbal abusive relationship. Its been 3wks that I finally left him. I havent texted him or called (i still wait around for a sorry or atleast a sign of him) I hope thats normal..I found him lying cheating and having unrealistic dreams and I could not take it anymore, For once I thought about my 10yr old son and about me!! I said no more God help me get thru this. I still have his text messages to remind myself to never call him and how painfult was to go thru this....
  I knew there was a problem when all I wanted to do was sleep , I noticed I was nervous around him, i walked on eggshells my mood changed when he got home from work. I gave him everything, mu money my emotions mylove.. Nothing seemed to work. first time arond he cheated on me and left me for a woman, who then turned out to lose it all because of him..He promised me that he had changed his ways and that i was the love of his life . My son noticed me yelling and being upset for no reason... I lost everything for this man, we met on a friday and a month later we lived together, it was great in the beginning until I discovered all his problems, moods, financial issues, ex-wife, and I was the blame for it all. He often insulted me for periods of 45min to an hour. I use to record him to show my friends so they dont think I was crazy. I cried so much, he use to throw me out the house, telling me Im not worth anything that Im a bad mother and I was lucky that he didnt hit me. I had no say no opinions no emotions my decisions did not matter and he did not compromise in anything. I had to do what he said if not I got in trouble. I felt like a little girl, he degraded me comparing me to other woman .... Then I started to believe that he was right that the problem was me....My family disowned me , my friends telling me that how can I love someone like this, no one understood what i went thru...but I was addicted to this up and down rollercoaster,,, I was in love with this man when things were good I ignored what he had just done earler that day to only realize that in about an hour I was back to square one that I was the one wrong.. I lost all my friends I lost my aprt my car, my job my self esteem, I lost myself. He drained me emotionally and mentally.. I have nothing now I am rockbottom when i was a very much independent woman .then I spoke to my friend and he told me that i was dealing with a narcissistic man I looked it up and I found this website!!!!!!! Thank God....
  I AM MUCH BETTER STILL DAYS WHEN I THINK WHAT CAN I HAVE DONE DIFFERENT BUT I COME HERE AND READ AND REALIZE NOTHING!!! ITS NOT MY FAULT!!!!!!!!!!
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• |2010-03-22 23:25:27 piloterror
  Hi Glenda,
  
  Do not waste your time and self esteem wondering what you could have done different. They manipulate you to think you are the crazy one with issues...... They are narcissistic and can never change. The harder you try the worse it gets....How terrible that you lost everything.... However, do not let him take your self-esteem. You are smarter than he is because you figured this out and can now move forward to a happy life.. He never will. He will just move on to the next victim. Stay strong and move on!!!! You deserve happiness in your life.
  
  Vickie
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• |2010-03-23 02:16:17 prettysmile
  thanks for replyng Vickie, I still struggle with it on my mind just like a drug I feel like if I was in Rehab and I need it. I find myself thinking about it . I have to keep distracted at all times.
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• |2010-03-26 02:35:17 Anita
  When I met my recent ex-husband it was just as Maria discribed. He and I met overseas, both being in the Navy. He was very charming, handsome and my knight in shining armor willing to chase away all my demons. Little did I know he would turn out to be my worst demon. We married 23 years ago last July, I had custody of my then 10 year old and my 5 year old. Now when I think about all those years of abuse I subjected my kids to makes me sick. He was also an alcoholic. he has been sober for 6 years, but in those 23 years I put up with 3 affairs. The first one he actually moved in with her. We hadn't even been married two years. After she dumped him he asked if we could talk, he needed a friend. Yes I took him back thinking I could make things better. There isn't nearly enough time or space for me to got into most of the details. Needless to say I fell for his trap, that is to say he egged me on to tell him to leave. And leave he did, within that day he had a place to live, furnished, phone and electric set up. Took all the nice things that I had bought him over the years. He had changed addictions he was now a born again christian. When he told me that he loved Jesus more than me I lost it, and said walk the path with Jesus, but you can't stay here. We have been divorced for only 3 months and he already has a girl friend. I am still in the trap, but I am working my way out. I am currently in counseling and after reading these articles I feel I really can start healing. To all my sister, hang in there it will get better, but only if you want it to.
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• |2010-04-03 14:08:39 Rose  - do I go back?
  Yes, he was a narcissist; fresh-faced and innocent I stumbled into his trap, and although I 16 and he 21, I believed in this relationship. Two years passed until I found the strength to leave, he had stolen my strength, robbed me of my friends, created wedges in my personal relationships, belittled me, deprived me of interests, used me, abused me, cheated on me -I was too young to trust intuition, which made it so much worse. To him, I had just been that girl to suffer the pain he inflicted and still scream "please, please, don't go!!!!" until finally I told him to go... He spent the next few months flashing it in my face, sleeping with everything that fell his way, yet still pleading for me. It has taken nearly two years, I still have not loved, I cannot be touched, I do not trust, I do not stop thinking of him... We speak. he seems to have changed. He still wants me. sometimes his true self shines through. I cannot envision myself with any other but him, even though he has shattered me to my core.... Do I go back? Has he changed?
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