|
___________
The goal of this website is to give support to people who are facing problems in their relationship related to cheating, abuse and narcissism. I am living in Europe and English is not my native language, I wish you will excuse me if I make some grammatical errors. I decided to write in English because I wish to reach as many people as I can around the world.
___________
Falling in love is known to release endorphins, biochemical compounds which are responsible for the feeling of pleasure. This creates the thrilling, dizzying feeling of "falling in love head over heels". As time goes by and the relationship continues, the biochemical environment in the brain slowly changes. Even thought the first thrill of the excitement towards your husband or wife (or girlfriend or boyfriend) fades after 1-2 years, the structure of the brain has been altered forever.
Falling in love is like becoming addicted to a drug. At first the drug is making us feel ecstatic, then little by little we get used to it (it still makes us feel good) and at some point we reach the state where we must have the drug in our system at all times in order to maintain a normal feeling. It is the same thing with human relationships and falling in love. We get used to the feeling of love towards our spouse. We no longer feel the butterflies in our stomach when we see our husband or wife, but we most certainly need our spouse to be around, otherwise we would not feel good. What happens when a drug addict no longer gets the drug? He or she experiences withdrawal symptoms. What happens when your spouse is taken from you? The same thing.
If you learn your husband or wife has been cheating on you or has been having an affair, you are most likely to feel very depressed. The brain is truly an amazing device. It is possible to teach the brain to react in a certain way in a certain situation, in same fashion as it is possible to teach the body to move in new ways for example while learning to dance, to ride a bike etc. I have a background in neuroscience and I am currently doing brain research in university in my home country. After experiencing cheating and narcissism in my relationship I became interested in the way the brain and the mind are reacting during tragedies in life such as cheating or an affair. There are ways to teach the mind and the brain to cope with the situation and to get faster over the pain caused by cheating. If you wish to read more about this topic and to learn how one can control negative emotions related to the memory of cheating or narcissism, visit page Recovery After Cheating.
Cheating and the Brain
 The way your husband or wife is taken from you determines what kind of pain you feel, but the fact remains: You will feel pain. If your spouse dies, you feel different kind of pain than you do when your husband or wife is cheating on you, lying to you or betraying you. If your spouse dies, you are allowed to still love your spouse with all your heart. You do not experience mixed feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety, anger and pain as you do if your spouse has been cheating on you or lying to you. When your spouse is cheating on you, your brain interprets this in such a way that it is no longer guaranteed that your husband or wife is staying with you for the "rest of your life". When cheating occurs you are facing a very real danger of losing your husband or wife to the Lover. Part of your physical and mental pain due to cheating consists of this fear of losing your spouse as a result of cheating.
From the point of view of the brain, cheating is the same as the case of a drug abuser who no longer receives the drug. First you fall in love with your spouse, then you get used to the feeling of having your husband or wife around. The neuronal networks in your brain have been modified in such a way that the idea of your spouse being part of your life has been literally integrated into your brain and your mind. When your spouse is cheating on you, your brain is experiencing a conflict: It can no longer maintain the neuronal network structure that is responsible for the feelings of love and trust towards your husband or wife and the feeling of continuity related to your relationship. In same manner in the case of a drug addict the brain faces crisis when it no longer receives the drug on regular basis. When this happens, brain has to alter the neuronal network structure to meet the demands of new environmental circumstances (life without drugs or life without your spouse).
Painful recovery after cheating
This process of reshaping the neuronal networks is mentally painful, and the pain persists until the brain has adapted to the new situation. The adaptation process of the brain cannot happen over night, but it can be accelerated if one understands what is causing the bad feeling and depression and accepts those feelings as normal part of the reshaping and healing process after cheating, instead of trying to fight them. Fighting the negative emotions only aggravates the pain and prolongs the healing process. Knowledge is power. Being aware of these things can and will heal you faster after you have experienced tragedies such as cheating, depression, lying or betrayal.
If you wish to learn about the ways to control your emotions and to reduce the pain you are experiencing due to cheating, visit page Recovery After Cheating. To read more about cheating and how the mind of a cheater works, go to section Cheating and Infidelity. To read personal stories of life with cheating spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Cheating and Infidelity. To read personal stories of life with narcissistic spouse, go to section Personal Stories: Narcissistic Spouse. To read about narcissism and how the mind of narcissist works, go to section Narcissism. If you wish, you can read more about the content of this website and about my background from page Site Overview or go to other sections by clicking Main Menu links (upper left bar).
- Maria
If you wish to submit your own story and get feedback and support for your situation or if you wish to contact me for any other reason, send me email to
This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it
|
Recovery
